54 results for author: Ashlee Schmidt

Children Are a Gift

It's a scene that I’ll replay in my mind for the rest of my life. Sitting on the floor of our white tub, watching clots of burgundy run down my legs and past my feet. Tears poured down my cheeks, becoming one with the water as it drowned out the sounds of my guttural wailing. It’s a surreal feeling; watching life leave your body and run into the drain. I have lived this memory twice. It feels sacrilegious of sorts. Insensitive and cold. To carry life but instead of giving my babies a proper goodbye, I watched pieces of the life that was once inside of me run into the sewer. From my medical chart, the words, “chemical pregnancy” and “mis...

Dear Paige: A Letter to My Hope Baby

Baby Girl, My arms still ache to hold you. My ears long to hear your sweet giggles. My hands yearn to brush your hair. My lips want to kiss your cheeks. My heart breaks because I can’t see you growing up. I can’t read to you, or sing lullabies to you, or make you pancakes in the shape of numbers on your birthday. There is always someone missing from the breakfast table and the family photos. There is a room that never got the chance to be yours. Your sweet brothers talk about you and take flowers to your grave. And those brothers of yours are everything to me, just like you are. No one else can ever take the place in mommy’s heart ...

Could I Have Done More?

This Q&A series is intended to help you take steps forward in wisdom. Lay your questions before Scripture with us; find in the ashes that wisdom “will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown” (Prov. 4:9). What questions about grief, God, or the Bible do you have right now? Contact us here.  When we carry a child in our womb, we often feel our child’s life and development is ultimately in our control. The baby is in us and part of us. We share blood and oxygen. We feed him or her. Doesn’t that make it all up to us? The baby is dependent on us so shouldn’t we be able to control the ...

Meditate on Grace After a Panic Attack

Severe anxiety and periods of panic may have come to complicate your grief, adding more pressure to the pain of loss you already feel. Sister in Christ, take heart. You are holy and set apart by the grace of God, even today and even in suffering. We have discussed how Christ nourishes us in our anxiety and how the Bible gives us perspective as we face panic attacks and anxiety; today, we are discussing four biblical meditations for when you are recovering from a panic attack. As you recover, dwell on these verses of Scripture that extol our God for His grace in our lives.     - He has already perfected you for all time. “For by a single ...

Perspective for Enduring Panic Attacks

Panic attacks—they are crippling. Your mind spins, your pulse is out-of-control fast, the world fades, and you feel like you are sinking into it. If this is happening to you—I am so very sorry. Have panic attacks become a part of your life since loss occurred—or become accentuated? In this post, I focus specifically on enduring panic attacks with biblical perspective, with peace. I understand that you have likely spent significant time praying and yearning for a remedy. And I understand that when you hear the words “worry,” “fear,” or “anxious” from others applied to your brand of panic and anxiety, you often cannot relate to what ...

Nourished by Christ in My Wilderness of Anxiety

About four years ago, I experienced my first, full-blown panic attack. Those experiences accumulated and I grew to have increasing difficult with leaving my home. I remember willfully dumping myself into the passenger seat to be driven to my parents’ nearby home—only two minutes later to feel an urgent pull within for the car to be turned around. Or I remember my husband and I taking our trotting dog for a walk, yards from our home, unable to carry a simple conversation because of the mental pain. For many Hope Moms, anxiety of various proportions can come as one of the threads that compounds the grief journey, and in this post, I focus specifi...

Christmas Day – Reign

“For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6 Our sovereign God preordained the birth of a Savior to a virgin; He has preordained your first breath; and He has preordained the precious—yet short—life of your child. Today, you will mourn the missing piece of your heart. You, loved one, desire to hear those tiny feet pad to your room bright and early, long to listen to the miniature voice praise “Glory! Glory!”, so deeply want to watch small fingers pull on the festive ribbon, ...

Christmas Eve – Rain

“… the virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said, ‘Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!’ But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus.’” Luke 1:27-31 Mary was chosen by God to be the mother of Jesus, our Savior. She was called to carry, birth, and mother the Messiah. What a weighty responsibility that is to uphold. Her graceful response to His calling on her life is one ...

Book Review: “Be Still My Soul”

Though not every portion of Be Still My Soul: Embracing God’s Purpose & Provisions in Suffering, edited by Nancy Guthrie struck a chord, I was glad I read this collection of essays and excerpts—finding some especially meaningful. As opposed to being a guide through grief or suffering, or tackling a particular aspect of suffering in depth, the range of authors and viewpoints collected in this book makes its scope rather broad. So, if you are looking to delve into further study about biblical topics surrounding suffering, and you’re not sure where or with what authors to start, you’ll likely find portions of this book you apprecia...

Discussion in Grief: Soul-Care

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  My third child and only son, Chance Michael, was born sleeping at 20 weeks gestation. At 18.5 weeks his little heart was beating, and by 20 weeks he was gone. The months following Chance’s death were some of the hardest and darkest of my life. They were months when I felt numb to the world, alone in ...