5 results for tag: Cliche Comforts
Cliche Comforts: “It Will Happen When the Time is Right”
“When the time is right…” What a common cliché in many of life’s struggles! This saying quickly forms on the tongue of those who awkwardly don’t know what else to say to a friend experiencing a painful waiting. Waiting for a baby, waiting for a husband, waiting for a job, waiting for an “all clear” diagnosis; it’s all too easy to simply say, “It’ll happen when the time is right,” and brush off the hurt with an imaginary end date. On the surface, as is the case with most clichés, it’s an innocent, harmless, partial truth, and occasionally even slightly comforting. But at its core, this phrase is unintentionally leaving us ...
Cliche Comforts: “Everything Happens For A Reason”
Everything happens for a reason. I heard it when my son died and I heard a young mother say it the other day. I didn’t like it 26 years ago when someone said it to me, and it still rubbed me wrong the other day. I know the young mom who just buried her child had probably been told that and she was just repeating it. I didn’t have a good response at the time, but that phrase has been banging around in my head for a few weeks now.
Here’s what I wish I had replied to that hurting mom. I wish I had told her I don’t know why babies die and cannot figure out a good reason for it, but I do know God can take even the worse situation and use it for ...
Cliche Comforts: “You Are So Strong”
“You are so strong.”
How do you respond when someone says these words as a complement or kind word of encouragement, but you feel so very weak and weary? This well-meaning comment is one that I still hear ten years after the loss of our son. I often want to look around and say, “Who, me?” Every time someone says this I think to myself, “But what if I’m not?”
At the beginning, I didn’t want to risk someone misunderstanding my doubt in my own strength as doubt in the sovereignty of God, so I simply said, “Thank you.” If I showed fear, anxiety, or weakness, what would that be saying about my belief in God and His plan for my ...
Cliche Comforts: “Time Heals All Wounds”
When loved ones see us in the depths of our pain, they want to give us hope to cling to. They often attempt to do so by offering us words they think may be comforting. One of the most common of these sayings is, “Time heals all wounds.” They expect to be planting seeds of hope for the future in our hearts, but most often those words hurt more than help. From my experience, this saying not only hurts but also rings untrue.
In the early days of grief after my daughter Ginny was stillborn, time seemed to be so hugely empty. It somehow felt loud how empty time was. What were we supposed to be doing? What do we normally do? Time seemed to slow down to ...
Cliche Comforts: “The Lord Doesn’t Give You More Than You Can Handle”
As grieving parents, I am sure all of us have encountered someone who tried to comfort us with a cliche that was probably not very comforting at all. Death makes people nervous. Especially a baby’s death in a culture that does not always recognize the value of children (at any age in the womb or out).
At least in my experience, I have noticed that people do not know what to say to a grieving parent—or they do not always think through what they are saying. It is very easy to offer a cliche comfort or make a comment with no real substance to a grieving parent. I say it is easy because when I come into contact with someone else who is suffering in ...
