Cliche Comforts: “Everything Happens For A Reason”

Everything happens for a reason. I heard it when my son died and I heard a young mother say it the other day. I didn’t like it 26 years ago when someone said it to me, and it still rubbed me wrong the other day. I know the young mom who just buried her child had probably been told that and she was just repeating it. I didn’t have a good response at the time, but that phrase has been banging around in my head for a few weeks now. 

Here’s what I wish I had replied to that hurting mom. I wish I had told her I don’t know why babies die and cannot figure out a good reason for it, but I do know God can take even the worse situation and use it for His good. He’s promised us that. 

We know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Maybe that verse is where people get the phrase, but hearing my son died for a reason, wasn’t comforting or helpful. My son dying seemed like a really bad reason for anything. 

If you’ve ever been told your baby died for a reason, I’m sorry. People mean well and are just trying to help. They are often at a loss for words. However, telling someone their baby died for a reason might seem to them to imply that God needed their baby to die in order to accomplish His purposes—as though the death of their baby was merely a means to an end.

What we should hear is that God can take a very bad situation and use it for His good. It’s hard to imagine how such a bad thing can be used for even a tidbit of good, but throughout my life—and my involvement with Hope Mommies—I have seen over and over how God can use our loss for good. 

I have seen moms use their pain to encourage another moms. I have seen moms find a purpose by being involved in Hope Groups or Chapters. I have seen moms who have walked the grief journey reach back and pull a mom who is new in her grief along with her—helping her find the hope of Christ. 

God can take a horrible situation and use it for His good. 

Everything happens for a reason. When we hear that phrase, it makes us want to figure out the reason. We may not know the reason until we get to heaven and stand before our Lord. Because we don’t have the “big picture” for our loss, we can’t fully understand.

We have the assurance that God can work all things for good. But there is more to that verse. It starts out with “we know that for those who love God” and ends with “those who are called according to His purpose.” The phrase we often quote the most and hang onto is in between those two phrases. God works all things for good for those that love God and are called according to His purpose. I think when we focus on loving God and being about His purpose, we will see good come out of it. That should be our focus. 

Dear Mama, I don’t think if I knew the reason my son died it would change much. It wouldn’t make it “all better.” I do know that loving God and being about His purpose does help heal my grief and give me a healing hope. I know it will yours too— whatever the reason your baby died. 

Shelly D. Templin is an author, speaker and blogger that shares a message of hope—with humor. She has three daughters, a son-in-law, and a granddaughter. Shelly lives in Texas with her husband, Jack, of 29 years and their two dogs.

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