Cliche Comforts: “It Will Happen When the Time is Right”

“When the time is right…” What a common cliché in many of life’s struggles! This saying quickly forms on the tongue of those who awkwardly don’t know what else to say to a friend experiencing a painful waiting. Waiting for a baby, waiting for a husband, waiting for a job, waiting for an “all clear” diagnosis; it’s all too easy to simply say, “It’ll happen when the time is right,” and brush off the hurt with an imaginary end date. On the surface, as is the case with most clichés, it’s an innocent, harmless, partial truth, and occasionally even slightly comforting. But at its core, this phrase is unintentionally leaving us without an end to our pain and therefore, without hope.

Several years after Anna died, I had the privilege of speaking at a women’s ministry leadership conference on the topic of leading through grief. One of my main points was when leading other women through grief it is our job to point them vertically to eternal promises rather than horizontally to the uncertain comforts of this life. I even listed a few of those lovely cliché comforts when describing what these horizontal comforts might be and referred to them as mere “band aids” on our wounds of grief. Afterward, a very well meaning, sweet woman came up to me and told me that I would have a baby when the time was right. I chuckle now at the irony, because after years of navigating loss and infertility this cliché no longer phased me. (Thank you Lord for that!) 

There is so much to investigate on this matter—from why people feel the need to place temporary band-aids on our grief (a topic for another day) to how, as believers, we have knowledge of the truth that allows us to avoid hanging onto such clichés and gain lasting comfort in our waiting and loss. That’s what I want to explore today, so that when you, the newly grieving mom, hear these words you can take the cliché at face value as a well-meant word of consolation, and turn it into life-giving assurance from the Father.

To begin, what does Jesus teach us about waiting? We can search Scripture to find these answers, but it may be quicker to write out what He doesn’t tell us about waiting. Sometimes listing the lies Satan tries to distract me with actually helps me lean further into the truth God is trying to whisper. God never says we will be mothers on earth, or that we won’t experience miscarriage or stillbirth. He never says our waiting will end in a particular time or place, or after we achieve some spiritual milestone. He never says that prayers will be answered the exact way we asked. He never says our contentment or joy will come from our earthly circumstances, or when a healthy child does come earth side. 

Now, what does He say about our waiting? This is a question I asked after about a year of infertility when I realized that the baby may never come. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but it led me to seeking out what realities I could cling to instead that were guaranteed. Out of this searching I coined the phrase, “I’m not waiting on a baby, I’m waiting on God alone.” In essence, this meant I wasn’t even waiting on God to give me the baby (because that’s often what people mean when they say to wait on God), but actually waiting on Christ’s return when He will fully establish His perfect kingdom. Over and over again as I read both the Old and New Testaments, there was a resounding reminder from God to wait patiently for Him to redeem all pain and suffering; not only to wait, but to wait with expectation and readiness! Below are some of the Scriptures and truths I have clung to for many years that led me to the mantra above. Can you add anything that also points you toward waiting on the Lord alone?

• Biblical hope is confident expectation or a sure thing (Psalm 39:7)
• Keeping our eyes focused on the Lord gives us rest in the wait (Psalm 16:8-11)
• He is enough, what I wait for on earth is merely temporary (Psalm 23:1)
• He calls us to wait on Him alone (Psalm 25:5;21)
• We can be confident in the Lord, defeating our fears of the pain never ending (Psalm 27)
• Perfect peace in waiting comes from trusting the Lord (Isaiah 26:3)
• Jesus experienced waiting (and temptation) and sympathizes with us (Matthew 4:1-11, Hebrews 4:15)
• Wait expectantly and eagerly for His return (Luke 12:35-40, Phil 3:20)
• Count the waiting as joy and faith-perfecting (James 1:2-4)
• Wait patiently for the coming of the Lord and establish your heart (James 5:7-8)
• Know how amazing the future will be and look forward to it (Revelation 21:4-5)

My newly grieving friend, I sympathize with you. Those seemingly innocent words cut so deep in the early days, and I’m so sorry if you’re hearing some of them now. I remember when well-meaning friends would speak similar clichés to me, it would feel like they were saying Anna never existed—as if the right time meant a different baby would make everything okay. 

Something I want you to know is that it’s not anyone else’s “job” to comfort you the way only the Lord or His promises can. Others will say silly things, they will forget about your baby’s birthday, they will mess up, but the Lord hasn’t and He won’t. Not only does He know exactly how you feel, but He knows how to comfort and sustain you through your grief and when and how your waiting will end. 

My prayer for you is that when faced with clichés and other less than comforting words, that you’d learn to let the Lord be the keeper of all these nuances in your grief and find unceasing comfort in truth instead. Cling to Him in the waiting, and remember Who you are really waiting on.

I am married to Justin and Hope Mommy to Anna Joy. We live in sunny south Florida where I love reading, writing, teaching, and just being with family and friends! I work in the hospital as a RN, and humbly serve as volunteer Nurse Manager at our local pregnancy resource center, Care Net. My personal ministry passions include leading women to deeper understanding of Jesus’ truth through their marriage struggles, sexuality, and miscarriage.

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