Cliche Comforts: “You Are So Strong”

“You are so strong.” 

How do you respond when someone says these words as a complement or kind word of encouragement, but you feel so very weak and weary? This well-meaning comment is one that I still hear ten years after the loss of our son. I often want to look around and say, “Who, me?” Every time someone says this I think to myself, “But what if I’m not?” 

At the beginning, I didn’t want to risk someone misunderstanding my doubt in my own strength as doubt in the sovereignty of God, so I simply said, “Thank you.” If I showed fear, anxiety, or weakness, what would that be saying about my belief in God and His plan for my life and for my baby? 

Over the years I’ve realized that the more I acknowledge my weakness, the more I depend on the strength of God and the more His light can shine through the hardest parts of my life. In these moments when someone seems impressed by “my strength” I have the opportunity to point them to the source of that strength and to the reality that it’s actually not my own at all! 

“But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Paul had a thorn in his flesh that made him weak, and he wanted it gone. He pleaded with the Lord to take it away, but as we see in the verses above, that was not God’s plan for Paul’s life. He was teaching him at least two big lessons here: that God’s grace is sufficient and that through his weakness, he could truly rely on the power of Christ. 

When someone hears our son, Isaac’s, story and says, “You are/were so strong.” I can respond with the same truth that Paul professed in his letter to the Corinthians—the truth that I am actually very weak. I can tell them how sad I am that Isaac isn’t here in my arms. I can tell them that some days it’s still hard to get out of bed. I can explain that I struggle with anxiety and the fear of losing another one of my children. But I can also tell them that because of the sufficient grace of God, I have a hope and a joy that is greater than my sadness. I can proclaim the truth that I haven’t pulled myself up by my bootstraps each day of the past ten years, but I have (sometimes very messily) continued to put on the boots of peace that is the gospel (Ephesians 6:15).    

I volunteered to write this blog post because responding to this specific comment has always been a struggle for me. I knew I needed to spend some time meditating on what the Word has to say about this statement and why it’s always felt so yucky to me. The next time someone says, “You are so strong.” maybe my reaction will feel different from what it has in the past. Maybe I’ll stop and praise God that He is using the hard parts of our story to display His strength and glory. My prayer is that instead of feeling frustrated by their inaccurate statement, I’ll slow down, smile, and take the time to share the beauty of the gospel with the person on the other end of the conversation. 

Kacie lives in Austin, Texas, and is the mommy of three precious daughters on earth and a sweet baby boy in heaven. She loves reading, coffee dates with her husband, Jonathan, and traveling with her family. She is passionate about helping women grow in biblical literacy and theology and is the cohost of the Adorned Podcast. She also blogs at www.kaciehunt.com.

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