Testimony Tuesday {Julie’s Retreat Experience}

I came to the Hope Mommies retreat in 2015 as a mom who was grieving “well.” I was surrounded by a supportive community who had been caring for my family faithfully for the past 10 months. I had allowed my suffering to push me closer to the Lord and though I wrestled with Him, I trusted Him. My husband and I spent many evenings talking, processing and encouraging one another in the Lord. I had read many devotionals, commentaries and books on suffering as I sought after Jesus. I was truly in a good place with my grief. Don’t get me wrong, I missed my daughter terribly and my heart ached beyond belief. So when I learned of the Hope Mommies retreat I was excited to meet other moms who were much like myself- grieving but not without hope. I was also incredibly nervous. I would be traveling 1200 miles and didn’t know a single soul who would also be attending. I hadn’t even had the opportunity to become acquainted with anyone via Facebook as I learned of Hope Mommies just 3 weeks before the retreat was to take place. I would be utterly alone, sharing my vulnerable, raw heart with total strangers. Maybe nervous isn’t the right word. I was flat out afraid.

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I learned of Hope Mommies just 3 weeks before the retreat was to take place.  I would be utterly alone, sharing my vulnerable, raw heart with total strangers. Maybe nervous isn’t the right word. I was flat out afraid. My fears were quickly relieved.

– Julie, Hope Mom to Macy

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My fears were quickly relieved. When I walked through the doors at Camp Tejas I was overwhelmingly welcomed and put at ease. It was obvious that the Leadership Team had prayerfully and tirelessly worked to make the retreat a safe, comfortable space. I was impressed by the cute little rooms and amazed at how personalized the goody bags were. My daughter’s name was on everything and best of all was my name nametag – Julie, Hope Mom to Macy. I hadn’t realized how much my soul craved to be introduced and known in this way. As I awaited the arrival of my roommates, insecurity was setting in. Just as I was about to hit ‘middle school’ level of self-consciousness, the three sweetest, spunkiest ladies walked through the door. I’m sure I played my anxiousness off well by offering up something along the lines of, “Hi, I’m Julie and I’m usually totally awkward. So please just talk….” As we exchanged names and stories, my desire for companionship was deepened. I knew that I needed these ladies, the ones who understood without judgment, in my life. As the weekend progressed and I met many more moms, I was amazed at how easily the conversations would flow – each of us just wanting our babies’  names to be spoken and their stories to be known. Back at home, many people knew of my daughter’s passing and many people were still speaking her name, but not in the way that these women intuitively knew how. These strangers knew how to hold my heart ever so gently and, when they spoke Macy’s name, I knew they weren’t just tossing it around. My daughter’s space was being held. Her value was being affirmed. I was being assured that her life had purpose and that she mattered. Indeed, her death was not in vain.

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The most moving moments of the weekend took place during worship. To be surrounded by women who knew the weight and sacrifice of the words, “Though you slay me, yet I will praise you. Though you take from me, I will bless your name,” was humbling and yet, so satisfying. For 10 months I had participated in corporate worship with the thoughts, “Do these people even know what they are saying? Do they truly understand what is at stake here?” I never meant for that to be judgmental, but when your world has been ripped apart and you have to give your baby back to God, ‘It Is Well’ takes on a whole new meaning. Those times of worship with my fellow Hope Moms were some of the most intimate, vulnerable, raw, beautiful moments I have ever experienced and something I have treasured in my heart every day since. The thing about a retreat of this nature is that there is a natural inclination for the atmosphere to be heavy. There were definitely those moments but there were many that included laughter and lightheartedness. As I think back, I can envision the sweet aroma of the laughter and tears co-mingling and wafting heavenward as a precious offering to the Lord.

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Those times of worship with my fellow Hope Moms were some of the most intimate, vulnerable, raw, beautiful moments I have ever experienced and something I have treasured in my heart every day since.

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The most valuable thing I left the retreat with was a better sense of community and in turn, a better sense of identity. I arrived not knowing anyone and left with 50 plus sisters. The camaraderie that bloomed that weekend through sharing our hearts, struggles, and desire for Jesus has grown and blossomed into a beautiful source of encouragement, companionship, and joy. 1 John 1:3-4 expresses the same sentiment as what was experienced that weekend and continues to be lived out in the friendships that were made. “We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We write this to make our joy complete.”

 

Registration for the Hope Mommies Retreat is now open with early registration pricing through September 30! Learn all of the details –> HERE

 

 

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