Jenny’s Story

Just a few months after my husband, Sam, and I were married, we were thrilled to discover we were expectant parents. We immediately began exciting preparations as we embraced pregnancy.  Our hearts were overflowing with gratitude and anticipation for our little bundle of joy. Little did we know that the Lord’s plan was to include painful suffering. Our faith would be put to the test trusting completely in His plan for our family. Our eighteen-week anatomy scan revealed that our daughter had an abnormal amount of fluid surrounding her brain. We were immediately sent to ...

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We Have Been Shown Grace

It’s easy, when you’ve suffered, to think that you are now the expert in grief. You know what it means to be painfully hurt and hopeless—what hurts, and what helps. But if I’m honest, before I lost my son, I had no idea what it was like to grieve so much. I had experienced some loss, and am naturally empathetic, but I am positive that I’ve said, done, and forgotten things that caused others additional heartache. To be completely transparent, even since my losses, I continue to say, do, and forget things for others who are suffering, and have likely caused them ...

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An Extension of God’s Grace

A few weeks after we received a fatal diagnosis for our son, we received one of my favorite emails yet. A friend, who had been walking through deep waters of grief for many years, wrote that she and her husband were praying for us to have grace for our community. I smiled. She knew exactly what it meant to be in the position we were in. At this point we had received several emails, cards, and comments from people who wanted to care for us well. At times, though, the things that they felt might comfort us weren’t exactly encouraging. In fact, many things people said ...

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Turning My Gaze to the Lord

I was sitting in the airport waiting to fly home after a weekend away. It was rainy and cold and overcast. As I sat there watching dark clouds continually roll in, I couldn’t help but think that so often that’s what pain looks like. If I could paint a picture of my heart in the weeks that immediately followed my losses, I would illustrate this sorrow with storm clouds. Even on the clearest of days I often found myself in the middle of a downpour. Even when I was surrounded by laughter and joy and hope it could so quickly turn into a tempest. Some days it just seemed ...

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When Light Seems Hidden

Welcome to Hope Mommies In the Word devotionals. Over the next several weeks, we will be narrowing in on specific truths of the gospel to learn how they direct and inform us in our grief. As we study these truths together, we’d love you to use the comments as a place to dialogue with us about what you are learning and share your answers to the questions below. We pray that you hearts will be encouraged as you dig into God's Word each week with us!  "For it is you who light my lamp;     the Lord my God lightens my darkness." Psalm 18:28 READ: In ...

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Discussions in Grief: Forgiving Others

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  I slowly turned the corner into the playground parking lot. The nerves in my stomach were so intense I felt as though I might get sick. It had only been a few weeks since I buried my only son, Chance, and this was my ...

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Julia’s Story

“I’m sorry, I normally can see a heartbeat in a baby this size, but I don't.” “I’m sorry, this doesn't look to me like a viable pregnancy.” Two different pregnancies, two different ultrasound techs, two different lives lost. And my heart broken two different times. The doctors say it’s good that my two “missed” miscarriages didn't happen in a row. I had a healthy son between the two of them. But that didn't comfort me. Nothing can comfort a woman who has just found out her baby “isn't viable.” Nothing but the love of Jesus. The first time ...

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God Does Not Expect Me To Be Strong

In the early days following each of my losses, people would often comment on how “strong” I was in the midst of my grief—as if I accomplished some amazing feat. But if they could have seen into my heart, they would have quickly discovered how wrong they were. I was weak, confused, lonely, and broken—not strong. Each grieving mother carries her own unique fears, burdens, and heartaches; and while we all long for the strength to endure the grief and pain that have become a part of our stories, what we each envision that strength to look like can be vastly differ...

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Seeing Myself in Hannah’s Story

In May of 2012, I walked down the aisle to the song “How Great Is Our God.” I was 33, my husband 34, and it had felt like we had waited an eternity for each other. Perhaps it didn’t feel like that to my now husband, Kevin. He’s much less dramatic than me. I knew that I wanted our wedding to be a taste of the wedding we’re really created for. The one where we meet our Savior, face to face, where we sit at the great wedding feast that will go down as the one for the ages, and praise the One who was faithful to us in the midst of our unfaithfulness. That day in ...

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In the Word: He Endured the Cross

Welcome to Hope Mommies In the Word devotionals. Over the next several weeks, we will be narrowing in on specific truths of the gospel to learn how they direct and inform us in our grief. As we study these truths together, we’d love you to use the comments as a place to dialogue with us about what you are learning and share your answers to the questions below. We pray that you hearts will be encouraged as you dig into God's Word each week with us!  Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, ...

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