The Gift of Deeper Community

I’ve received many gifts as a result of my suffering, but I can attest that the deeper community I’ve experienced because of it is high on the list. As a reminder, I read my original story of losing Anna posted by Hope Mommies in 2018. One of the highlights even then was how the church around me truly changed me and ushered me into a new world of deeper community. A community who carried me through my grief, learned what biblical joy and lament truly means, and provided practically, financially, emotionally, and spiritually for me for years. Because of the support I received, I am able to be there for the women who come after me.

The sister of one of my close friends experienced a full term stillbirth of her baby girl on New Year’s Eve. Over the last week I’ve been grieving with her and their family. My eyes well up at the thought of her grief because sympathizing with her sends me right back to that time when losing Anna was fresh. My prayers are more specific because I’ve been there. My tears for this mom’s grief fall heavier because I know how burdened she feels right now. I know how to answer the questions of “what to expect after delivery” and “what gifts may be comforting in this time” only because I, too, had a community backing me when it was my turn to enter grief five years ago.

Another friend grieves the loss of her mom, and as she approaches the first anniversary she wonders, “Is it normal to still feel so sad?”

I’m able to answer her with a resounding, “Yes,” and “I did too.” This is comfort only someone else who struggled month after month with missing someone can relate to.

Personally, my grief isn’t as demanding now as it once was, but life’s day to day burdens weigh heavily on my shoulders. Working full time, managing a home, motherhood after loss, infertility, finances, where to spend my time… these are struggles that women who have gone before me can speak to. They pray for me and relate to me in ways I didn’t know I needed simply by saying, “I’ve been there too.” We commune in the struggle of the daily grief of a fallen world.

While thinking about all this, I realized this is what Hope Mommies provides; a community we didn’t want to be a part of, but without notice have entered into. We know how to help, we know how to pray, what questions to ask, and when not to speak. We, too, have lost our babies, and this fact provides us deeper community. The Lord knew we would need this type of community in life’s trials and pains and provided for us ahead of time. He knew that as His body on earth we would need to comfort and provide for each other. That’s why Paul wrote,

“..that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:4).

How does this reciprocal comfort work? Paul explains in his previous letter to the Corinthian church, “And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26). To summarize this chapter’s context, we are “one body” by one Spirit. The body of Christ is made up of individual members with specific purposes and gifts that work together to become one. No one part is less than the other, but equally valuable having “no schism in the body, but the members should have the same care for one another” (1 Corinthians 12:25). This design is why deeper community is a result of grief and loss. We are a team, tribe, group, society; we are one body and one church. In essence, if you hurt, I hurt.

The most important part of Paul’s admonition to us as the church is the attribute given to God as “the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). God is the One who comforts us in all our tribulation. He is the leader or Head of this body and the source of our comfort. His comfort is freely given without limitation. The true gift of deeper community is the gift of a Savior who is so intimately involved in our grief who simply by His own nature, comforts us.

“God comforts us not only to make us comfortable but also to make us comforters. The comfort that God gives to us becomes a gift we can give to others¹.”

Thank you Jesus, not for the pain we experience, but for the consolation you simultaneously give us when we hurt. Thank you for providing the community we need through Hope Mommies and beyond to carry us through. You are the ultimate provider and comforter in our loss! And for those who need community Lord, you see them. Please provide for them here on earth through your church. We ask this in your holy name. Amen.

¹ Nelson, T. (2007) 2 Corinthians 1:4 commentary. NKJV Study Bible Second Edition, p. 1825

Kayla is married to Justin in sunny south Florida where they enjoy life together with friends & family. Kayla is a teacher at heart, nurse by profession, & lover of truth! She serves as a volunteer nurse at her local Care-Net & enjoys women’s ministry discipleship especially in the areas of grief, marriage, & infertility. You can follow more of her musings on grief here.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.