Crown of Beauty: Session 3

February 5-7 found 71 Hope Moms from all over the United States in Giddings, Texas. We spent a weekend sharing our stories, our precious babies, and finding that Christ can indeed comfort the brokenhearted, often through the hands and tears of another sufferer along the way. The following series is a recap of each of the main teaching sessions.  

“What we girls do, is we feel good and we make decisions based on our feelings — whatever feels good.  We are driven during our days by our feelings.  We need our feelings, because we are nurturers.  When something is wrong with somebody — a friend, or a person in our family —  we are able to adjust to what they are feeling.  If they’re not feeling good, we’re not feeling good.  This is a good thing as we are nurturing others. 

But what we fail to do is apply truth to those feelings.  And some of us are just addicted to the good feelings.  When we go through the grief process and when it’s hard, all we want the Lord to do is a give us a good feeling.  In this place in your life, in this grief you are experiencing, applying truth may not feel good, but it is good.

We often find in grief that these are the times where you actually searched and were thirsty and hungry for Him.  What other time have you done that?  I know for me it is during times of tragedy when I realize how much I need Him, where I hunger after His righteousness, and I’m looking for Him.  I search for Him at other times, but its not the same burning deep inside where I’ve got to know Him. 

In our western culture, we just want to seek pleasure and abort pain.  But, that is not the walk we’ve been called to.  I wish I could say that once you know Jesus all your problems go away, but I can’t.  With Him comes His suffering.  The Bible says that the world that hates you, hates Him.

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.”
-John 15:18

In this world, people hate us because we love Jesus.  So while I wish I could say that there’s no problems when you trust Jesus, I just cant.  It doesn’t all feel good.  But what is good are His promises.  That’s what we must lean on. 

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.”
-2 Corinthians 1:20

His promises are “Yes!”  They are done! To God, everything is now.  His perspective of time is different than ours, because His perspective is eternal.  So, we pray for healing?  He’s already done it.  We pray for restoration?  It’s already done.  You can believe that when you trust Him you will receive that.  Does that mean that your feelings will always agree?  No.  But the truth is that it is a “Yes” and “Amen” in Christ.  So you must tell yourself the truth of what the Bible says, because your feelings are going to lie to you every single day.  That’s why Scripture memory is so important!  If you don’t know the Word of God, than you don’t know of His promises.  And you won’t know what to tell yourself when your feelings lie to you. 

God does not lie! You have got to know God’s Word!  Make time to know His Word!  Do you say that you trust God?  It is impossible to trust something that you don’t know anything about. So I want to challenge you to make time to know Him!

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.”
-Isaiah 61:1-3

That’s His promise.  He will give us beauty for ashes.  During this time, it was a custom that when you were in mourning you would cover yourself with ash.  What’s happening in these verses is what I call “the great exchange.”  He’s exchanging something.  He’s taking something from us.  He says to us, “I am going to give you a crown of beauty for your ashes.”  Everything that God gives us is so much greater than what we have given Him.  There is nothing that we can give to God that is greater than what He can give back to us.

And I say, “Lord, I don’t know.  I lost two in a row.  I just don’t know.

He says to me, “Shundria, I will give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for your mourning.  You don’t even have to do anything! That’s the promise I have for you.”

What kind of God would do that?  How can I not trust a God that promises to give me beauty and joy in the midst of my grief? So think about this God that we know.  We have a tendency to mix world and God together.  We live in a society that is based on feeling good.  We don’t want to be judged, we just want to do what feels good.  But, we serve a God who is just, who gets angry, who gives us consequences for sin.  He is loving, but we have to know who we are trusting.  We have to know what His Word says about who He is.  We have to know His promises. 

So I challenge you to make a list of the problems you are facing and attach a promise to each of them. 

The enemy wants to come in and take this word from you.  When you go home, he will be waiting at your door.  He wants to pluck everything you’ve learned — all that God has taught you— and throw it out.  And if you don’t have anything solid to yell back at him, you are going to start listening to him.  You’re going to start believing the lies.  Because grief and doubt make you listen.  If you aren’t leaning on His Word, you will get pulled toward grief and doubt and it will cloud your vision.

You need to get into the Word of God and believe what is true about Him!  The enemy is a liar.  His time is limited, and he knows it.  We are the winners.  We are the victors!  Believe that!  When Satan whispers lies to you, shout back!  Shout back those promises of God!

One thing I’ve learned is that sometimes you have got to talk back.  Sometimes you have to say outloud, “Lord, I love you.  And I know you love me.”  When the grief and doubt is hovering over you, sometimes you have to open up your mouth and yell out the promises of God.

“You will never leave me or forsake me!” (Heb. 13:5)
“There is nothing too hard for God!” (Jer. 32:27)
“God cannot lie!” (Titus 1:2)

Our God can make the blind see.  He can make the deaf hear.  He can make the lame walk.  The woman who had been bleeding for twelve years didn’t even have to say anything.  She just touched his robe and she was healed.  She had enough faith that she knew if she just touched him something would change.  We have to believe this!  These aren’t just stories!

Find a promise for your problem and hold on to it!  Say it out loud to yourself.   And when His Word in your head begins to attach to your feelings, it will dictate your behavior.  So regardless of what happens in your life from this point on, you can know the truth of God’s Word, because His Word never changes.  It remains the same yesterday, today, and forever.  There is no new version of God.  He is the same God who opened up the Red Sea. 

The promises of God are “Yes” and “Amen.”  He has promised you beauty for ashes.  Does that mean that we are going to laugh every day?  No.  But the hope that we have in Him settles our souls so that we can say, “It is well with my soul.” 

“It is well because God is with me.”
“I am hurting.  I miss my baby.  I don’t know what to do, but it is well with my soul.”
“God is here with me and hears me.  And His promises are “Yes” and “Amen.”

This is what I do.  I speak these promises out loud to myself.  “God, you are here.  You restore. You save.  You give hope.  I believe in you.  You have your arms around us.  You feel our pain.  Show me your strength.”  And when you do this, the enemy runs.  Because He can’t handle the truth of God’s Word.   

So speak life to your situation.  Grief wants you to run round and dismiss the promises of God.  It’s okay to grieve, but in your grief you have to grab on to the promises of Jesus.  He is the only way that you are going to get through this process. 

You have to realize that He is all you have!  And He is all you need.  Even if you never have another baby, through Him, it can be well with your soul.  So get to know His Word!  Speak His Word into your life.  Yes, He promises beauty for ashes, but if you don’t know that you will just walk around thinking that all there is for you is ashes. 

God has allowed this problem in your life.  You don’t have to solve it.  He already has!  Trust that the God who got you in will get you out.  You don’t have to figure it out.  Just trust in Him. 

I believe that God’s plan is better than mine.  If having another baby is the best thing I can think of to happen to me, but God’s way is better, bring it on!  I want that plan.  If He tells me that there is something greater, and more joyful than what I think is best, bring it on!  Let’s get this going!  Because I believe that He works for my good!

Dive into the Word of God and speak truth to yourself.  Speak truth.  Speak life.  We don’t do this enough, and we can never do it too much.  Grief is not a sprint.  It’s a marathon.  And in order to keep going — in order to get to the finish — we need truth.  So speak His truth, He promises, into your situation ever day. 

There’s this song that I always sing when I’m going through a hard time that I learned a long time ago, and it only has two words:  Yes, Lord.   And that’s how I want you to think about His promises.  Yes, Lord.

“Whatever you have for me, yes, Lord”
“This is painful and it hurts, but yes, Lord.”
“Yes, Lord I trust you. I believe you.”

Don’t go by your feelings.  They go up and down, in and out.  Some days your grief will try to tell you there is no God.  But the truth of God’s Word says, “His promises are true.  God cannot lie. He is a God of eternity and there is eternal life that we can look forward to.”

I remember going through a time when I was thinking, “I don’t want to wait until I get to Heaven to have joy.  Can I just have it now?  Can I just have some joy today?”  And I had to tell myself that if I receive it, if I open my heart, it’s here.  It’s here for you too.  Stop questioning it and receive it.”

Stay tuned for more notes from the Crown of Beauty: 2016 Retreat weekend.

My name is Shundria Riddick. I am a wife to my best friend, Chris and the mother of 6 wonderful children. Joshua 15, Elyana 14, and Noah 9 are here in my arms. My hope babies Grace, Caleb and Angel have the privilege of living in the presence of Jesus.
Both my husband and I are licensed professional counselors and live outside of Dallas, Texas. I enjoy walking with other moms who are grieving the loss of their precious babies. My counseling practice is focused on guiding others with the truth of God’s word into the hope and freedom that is promised through Christ.
Most of my days are spent cooking, cleaning, and chauffeuring kids. I enjoy spending time with my husband and writing in my blog “Shundria on Shuffle.” You can find my blog and me at www.shundriariddick.com.