Anchored: Enemies of Our Soul

Over the next nine weeks on the blog, we will be following along with our fall Hope Groups as they go through Hope Mommies’ newly published Bible Study — Anchored.  For those of you who did not register for a group this year, this will be an opportunity to walk through the topics studied in our Hope Groups. For those of you who are currently participating in a Hope Group, our desire is for these posts to reinforce the lessons you are learning with your group.   Wherever you are in your journey through loss and grief, I pray that this series will encourage your heavy hearts, remind you of truth, and point you to the unrelenting, far-reaching Hope of Christ as we anchor ourselves in Him and His Word.

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Week 6: Enemies of Our Soul – Envy

I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office before my appointment with half a dozen other expecting mothers.  As I sat there waiting to be called back for a routine ultrasound I kept hearing bits and pieces of the conversations going on around me.  It didn’t take me long to realize that I was the only woman in the room who was excited about being pregnant.  All I heard from every other woman there was complaints about the inconvenience of having a baby.  My heart ached for these women who were unable to perceive the incredible blessings they were carrying inside of them. 

Just a few minutes later my ultrasound revealed that, yet again, we would be walking through the loss of a precious child.

I remember walking back into the now empty waiting room later on my way out of the office.  As I glanced around with tears streaming down my face, I could feel envy rising out of my heart. 

Why me? 
We’ve already been through this! 
I was the only one here who has hoped for, prayed for, and deeply loved my baby!
These other women don’t even believe their children are a great gift!
I would do anything to change places with these women!  To still be carrying a living child!
This isn’t fair!

How quickly my concern for these women had turned to resentment.  I got to my car, buckled myself in, and wept. 

Have you noticed, as I did, that walking the road of grief and suffering often makes you much more aware of the blessings of others?  At times it can seem as though God has blessed everyone around you, but that somehow you’ve been forgotten or abandoned.  

Does God love them and see their needs and desires, but not love me or see mine? 

It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that earthly blessings are a measure of God’s love, attention, and faithfulness.  It is easy to feel overlooked and unloved when you are surrounded by women carrying their precious children and your own arms remain empty.  When we simply look at the circumstances of our lives it is easy to feel like God plays favorites. 

But may I challenge this thinking?  Dear one, you need only look to the cross to know that you are deeply, perfectly, unconditionally, and eternally loved.  God’s faithfulness, care, and attention for you was put to the test long ago as the Son of God was put to death in your place.  And as Christ bore the sins of the world and the wrath of our Holy God on His shoulders, He proved once and for all that His love for you has no bounds!

But when envy sneaks in, that profound truth can appear cloudy.  Envy is a threat to our joy and our compassion for other people.  And a heart weighed down by loss and sorrow faces many opportunities for envy. 

There are two elements that make up the concept of envy — desire and resentment.  Envy is the blend of desiring something and resenting that another is enjoying or experiencing it and you are not.

When we are envious of what others have or are experiencing, when we desire something that we don’t have and resent those who do, it is because our hearts have turned from what ought to be our greatest desire — more of Jesus.  Too often, we fall into believing the lie that if we just had the success, fortune, opportunities, possessions, or experiences of someone else we would be happy.  But this kind of thinking will only ever lead to disappointment. 

Envy drives us to chase after the inferior comforts and enjoyments of this world, rather than finding true joy and comfort in Jesus. 

The only cure for our envy is the love and redeeming grace of God.  No matter how far your heart has wandered from the Lord, His grace goes farther still.  Time and time again, He forgives and cleanses our envious hearts.  While your love and desire for Him comes and goes, His love for you is unwavering.  When your heart wanders back into the snare of envy, He is there to remind you that you are His, and He is all you need. 

And although your arms may be empty, your soul doesn’t need to be. 

During His last days on earth, as Jesus was with His disciples He prophesied to Peter about his (Peter’s) death.  After Peter hears this he looked over at John and asked, “What about this man?”  Jesus replies, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”  (John 21:18-23)

Have you ever felt the same way?  As you have seen some of your own story unfold, have you looked around at others and wondered, “Why is my story different from theirs?  Why can’t I have what they do?”

And yet, Christ’s answer to this cry of our hearts is the same as His reply to Peter all those years ago. 

“If it is my will to write your story differently that you would have liked me to, what is that to you?  If they receive the blessing you wanted, what is that to you?  If I say “yes” to them and  “no” to you, what is that to you?  Will you follow me anyways? 

If she brings her baby home even after you did not, will you follow me anyways?
If she carries her baby to term and you do not, will you follow me anyways?
If she conceives and you do not, will you follow me anyways?”

These words may seem harsh, but they are in fact the most loving response Jesus could give you.  What we need most when we are faced with envy is to be reminded to turn our eyes back onto our truest and greatest love.  We need Jesus to beckon us to continue to follow Him.

Sweet sister, you and I have been called to one thing — Jesus Himself.  Will you choose to love Him and follow Him no matter what?

“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh,
but envy makes the bones rot.”
-Proverbs 14:30

Letting your heart run on envy will only add to your sorrow.  Choose instead to run hard after Jesus.  When you find yourself slipping into resentment at what others around you have or are experiencing renew your heart and mind by meditating on the Word of God and the truth of all that He is!  When you find your gaze focused on what everyone else around you is getting or doing, look up instead.  Remember your Greatest Love, and don’t lose sight of the glorious feast He is preparing for you. 

“You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.”
-Psalm 23:5

For more posts in this series, click on the links below:
Anchored: Marked By Loss
Anchored: What About God?
Anchored: Wrestling with Fear
Anchored: Heaven
Anchored: Mourning with Hope

Ashlee is the Editorial Manager for Hope Mommies. She and her husband, Jesse have three children on earth, two in Heaven, and a little one on the way.
You can get to know her more by reading her blog, https://beyondundone.wordpress.com/