Anchored: Wrestling with Fear

Over the next nine weeks on the blog, we will be following along with our fall Hope Groups as they go through Hope Mommies’ newly published Bible Study — Anchored.  For those of you who did not register for a group this year, this will be an opportunity to walk through the topics studied in our Hope Groups. For those of you who are currently participating in a Hope Group, our desire is for these posts to reinforce the lessons you are learning with your group.   Wherever you are in your journey through loss and grief, I pray that this series will encourage your heavy hearts, remind you of truth, and point you to the unrelenting, far-reaching Hope of Christ as we anchor ourselves in Him and His Word.  

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Week 3- Wrestling with Fear

Loss has a tendency to open the door for doubt and fear to creep into our hearts.  When you’ve walked through the storm of losing a child, it can be easy to lose sight of everything else around you.

When my husband and I found out that we were pregnant again after two consecutive losses, we were shocked.  After our second loss, we had decided to wait for a full year before trying to conceive again in order to give my body and our hearts a chance to heal and rest.  My midwife wanted me to have a few tests done prior to any subsequent pregnancies because she wasn’t sure if my body was capable of carrying another pregnancy full term.  And I could not bear the thought of conceiving again if there was a possibility that my body was unable to support a growing baby.

So when I woke up in a panic early that Friday morning with the gut feeling that somehow I was pregnant, I allowed anxiety to sweep over me. 

We don’t know if my body is even capable of carrying this baby to term!
How could I bear the loss of another precious one?

And while we truly desired more children, the astonishment of an unexpected pregnancy so soon after our second loss seemed scary and overwhelming.  If I were being honest, I would tell you, that I didn’t make much of an effort to fight off the fear that had instantly filled every inch of my heart.  It was hard for me to feel joyful about the new life inside of me, because part of me had already come to the conclusion that this pregnancy would result in loss just like our last two had.

Then I saw that same fear creep into the heart of my three-year-old son.

Shortly after telling our children that God had chosen to add to our family again, my sweet boy approached me and whispered, “Mommy I am not excited… because all of our babies die.”

As I looked into his brown sorrow-filled eyes, I knew I had a choice to make.  And I knew that I could not continue to live in fear myself, if I wanted to encourage him to fight his fears. So I spoke the words that I knew we both needed to hear at that moment.   

“You were my baby.  And you did not die,” I said.  “We do not know what God’s plan is for this sweet baby, but we do know that His plan is best.  God had a different plan for your life than He did for Simeon and Odelle.  He knew it was best for them to go to Heaven before they were born to this earth, and it was best for you to be born and grow into my big three-year-old boy.  Only God knows how many days He has chosen for this baby and for each of us, but we can choose to be thankful for every day He lets us be together and trust that He will always do what is best for our good and His glory.”

I realized at that moment that I had been defining and limiting my future in terms of my past instead of in terms of who God is.  Can you relate?  When you’ve spent so long walking in the shadows, it’s sometimes hard to remember the warmth of the sun.  But my God is great enough to penetrate even the darkest of shadows.

He is greater than my past.
He is greater than the storms I have walked through.
He is greater than any diagnosis.
He is greater than human limitations. 
And He has called me to live my life without fear. 

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
-2 Timothy 1:7

Fear shuts out truth.
Fear fools us into forgetting or doubting the sovereignty and reality of God. When I choose to fear, I am calling into question the very character of God. Rather than rest in the confidence that God is capable, that He cares, that He knows and hears and sees me, I dismiss truth when I give way to fear.

Fear replaces trust.
They cannot coexist. When I fear I am choosing not to acknowledge that God is in complete control. So I try to squeeze myself into His role and take over trying to manage everything myself. When deep down I don’t really want to be in control because I know how incredibly incapable I am. But I take the reigns anyway, because sometimes waiting for God’s timing and trusting in His plan just seems so hard.

Fear siphons our peace.
There is not a single circumstance in my life that I can look back at and say, “I sure am glad I worried about that.” Instead, I remember those fear-filled days as times when peace felt the furthest away and my heart was in a constant state of tension and confusion. Peace cannot dwell in a life that is consumed by fear.

So what can be done about fear? How can we drive it far from us?

“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!”
-Psalm 33:8

The cure for fear is actually a transfer of fear.  When my time and energy is spent in complete reverence before the power and supremacy of God, I will tremble at nothing else, because He is so far above and beyond all else.  I need to remind myself daily that He is in control and submit myself to Him as I wait and trust in His perfect plan.

We are called to “not fear anything that is frightening” (1 Peter 3:6), because He rules over it all. Every storm obeys the voice of the One who made you and loves you.  And when God calls you to be free from the paralysis of fearing what is in the world, He also provides your heart with a divine and secure foundation upon which to rest instead.

“Fear not for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
-Isaiah 41:10

I am with you.
I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will uphold you.

He is beside you (I am with you), above you (I am your God), inside you (I will strengthen you), all around you (I will help you), and holding you up from underneath (I will uphold you).  There is  nothing that can touch you without first encountering the power of your Great God. 

So when you are facing the unknown or reminded of the pain of the past will you choose to look to the One who is greater than all your fears?  This trusting and waiting and submitting fills us with His presence, and draws our hearts into a greater likeness of Himself.  And in doing so we are brought into a place of greater peace. This perfect peace guards our hearts and minds against future temptation to worry. Oh! that we would turn our minds away from fear and onto the Trustworthy One!

Today, will you choose to dwell on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8)?

Will you choose to remember that God is with you even in the darkest moments?

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you”
-Isaiah 43:2

Will you choose to remember God’s provision in the past?  His grace is sufficient for every trial that will come your way — for every moment of weakness and uncertainty (2 Corinthians 12:9).

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
-Psalm 56:3–4

Choose today to saturate yourself in His Word and the truth of all that He is. Trust in the greatness of your Savior, because He is more than able.  And He is greater than all your fears.

For more posts in this series, click on the links below:
Anchored: Marked By Loss
Anchored: What About God?

Ashlee is the Editorial Manager for Hope Mommies. She and her husband, Jesse have three children on earth, two in Heaven, and a little one on the way.
You can get to know her more by reading her blog, https://beyondundone.wordpress.com/