When Your Prayers Aren’t Answered the Way You Hoped…
God’s Word speaks thoroughly and abundantly into every season of the heart. As we study His Word, we learn that within its pages are found the ultimate source of comfort and peace for the sufferer. In this series, we will seek to carefully and compassionately apply these ancient, scriptural truths to feelings and experiences that are common in grief.
“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” Matthew 18:19-20
“Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” John 14:13-14
“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” John 15:7
These were the Scriptures I had in my heart when Daniel and I were begging for our daughter, Ginny’s, life. In that dark ultrasound room, the technician said that she was having trouble finding the heartbeat. I started panicking. Then, I remembered that my God works miracles. The technician left to get a doctor, and Daniel and I prayed harder than we’ve ever prayed before.
“In Jesus name, Ginny will be born alive! We are asking for a miracle! Please, please let Ginny grow up. Give her life! Please Father!”
The doctor arrived, “I’m so sorry.” We had our answer. I was shocked.
I was shocked that Ginny was gone, and I was shocked that the answer was no. I had faith! I had believed! I’ve seen miracles. I know of pain gone, cancer gone, accidents avoided, lives spared, lives restored, unexpected provisions. I knew God could. But God didn’t.
God said no then swept us up in His arms and comforted us. I could very strongly feel His love for us and His broken heart, and yet the answer was still no.
In the days since, I’ve been drawn to passages that I’ve glossed over in the past. Passages I didn’t want to focus on before. Passages of the no’s.
One of these is passages is where Paul describes a “thorn” in his flesh. An ailment that he asked God to remove three times. God answered no each time and responded instead try reminding Paul that His grace was sufficient. God did not answer in the way that Paul wanted. God used Paul’s pain to reveal the power of His grace to cover all weaknesses.
“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
Another, even more powerful, example is when Jesus prayed before His betrayal and crucifixion. He asked that His “cup” —His journey to the cross—be taken from Him. “And going a little farther, He fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. And He said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’” Mark 14:35-36
It was clear that the answer was no in Matthew 27:46 when Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Jesus was obedient unto death and bore the sins of the world on that cross.
In looking at both of these examples, we see the pain and suffering of the moment. But we know the bigger story and can see the eternal context. We can zoom out and see God’s grace covering Paul’s weakness. We can fast forward three days and see Jesus’s resurrection and the redemption of the world. Those moments seemed hopeless and desperate, but they were not the whole story. Love and grace had the final say.
The same is true for our stories. In the moments when God answers no, we might only see disappointment from our limited perspective. But one day, we will be able to zoom out and see the whole story in an eternal context. We will one day know the “third day” of our situation—one that stems from the redemption of Jesus’ third day.
“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy” Psalm 103:2-4
During my pregnancy, I prayed for two babies. I prayed for Ginny, and I prayed for a friend of a friend who I heard had received a terrible diagnosis. From genetic testing, it was determined that this other baby had a very high probability of having a genetic disorder incompatible with life. The mother chose to carry her baby to term. A few weeks after losing Ginny, I heard that the other baby had been born after an emergency delivery—perfectly healthy— with no trace of the disorder. It was truly a miracle. God answered our prayers with a “yes.” His will be done.
“Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5
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