Psalm 13

Many times, Scripture resonates so strongly with me. Psalm 13 is a great example. I read this passage several weeks after losing my daughter, Kinley. The psalmist, David, articulated my very thoughts and emotions as he addressed God:

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look at me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.”

There are four sections of this psalm that closely mirror the stages of my own interaction with God after Kinley’s passing.

Questioning

David poses the question, “How long?” That was my question too.
How long will I have to wait for these autopsy results?
How long will these medical bills keep coming?
How long until this hurt ends?
In verse 2, David asks, “How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” Those were my sentiments exactly. I struggled with the “why me” and wrestled with the “what ifs.” The sorrow felt all-consuming and never-ending. How long would I feel like this—stuck in sorrow and glued to grief? But this questioning phase was important because it ushered in the second phase.

Turning

In verse 3, David says, “Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.” David seems to have transitioned from asking questions to making requests. He turns his focus off his circumstances and onto his Creator, and now addresses God as Lord, showing his recognition of God’s sovereignty. David implores God to “shine light to [his] eyes.” He doesn’t want to be caught up in despair anymore. When David begins seeking God, that’s when his questions cease.

The same proved true for me. When I started focusing on the Father, I found that the future, the frustrations, and the fears of this world began to fade. That is the light God brings.

“My days have passed, my plans are shattered. Yet the desires of my heart turn night into day; in the face of the darkness light is near.”
Job 17: 11-12

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
John 1:5

I am reminded of the beautiful, timeless hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.

O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior
And life more abundant and free

Through death into life everlasting
He passed and we follow Him there
O’er us sin no more hath dominion
For more than conquerors we are

Oh, turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

His word shall not fail you, He promised
Believe Him and all will be well
Then go to a world that is dying
His perfect salvation to tell

Oh, turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

Turning my eyes upon Jesus shifted my focus from the temporary to the eternal. I may be separated from Kinley now, but my forever is sealed with her in heaven because of Jesus’ triumph over death.

Trusting

In verse 5, David proclaims, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” David is certain of God’s love for him. Even in the midst of difficult circumstances, he knows God remains faithful. God had given David victory over a lion, a bear, and a giant. Even when the situation seemed impossible, God came through every time.

Likewise, when I reflected on God’s faithfulness to me and trusted in the truth of God’s character, my heart was no longer overcome by sorrow. I could track His pattern of goodness in my life and be assured that God would continue to be my “refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

The battles we face may seem overwhelming. The sorrow we possess may feel impenetrable. But God has proven His great love for us over and over again. We only have to look to the cross to see the extent of His love. We can confidently place our trust in Him because of His steadfast character.

“I don’t know what the future may hold, but I know Who holds the future.”
—Ralph Abernathy

Resolving to Praise

In verse 6, David declares, “I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.” David’s circumstances have not instantly changed. He is still in the midst of hard times. But David resolves to praise God as he reflects on how God has been good to him.

My choice to praise God didn’t happen when I was no longer sad about Kinley’s death. I will always be sad about losing my daughter. But I decided, even in the midst of sorrow, to choose joy.

Praising God actually makes me feel closer to Kinley. When I am singing praises to God, I know she’s doing the exact same thing in heaven. We are worshipping our Father together, and nothing, not even death, separates us in those moments.

I know it’s hard, mommas. There are so many questions and so much hurt. Resolving to praise God may seem impossible, even unreasonable. But I promise, as you worship God, He draws you into His presence. You feel your heart lighten and the heaviness lift from your chest. You experience true joy that the world, and all its troubles, cannot take away. Your anthem will harmonize with David’s, and you will declare: “I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”

Take a moment to listen to the song “Psalm 13” by Alisa Turner and rest in worship.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aMy9CoDkxDA

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Stephanie Blanks is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (9), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (6), and Leighton (4). Stephanie works at the Chamber of Commerce in her small town of Hondo, TX. She enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family at the lake. You can read more from Stephanie on her blog.

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