Testimony Tuesday {Jacquelyn’s Retreat Experience}

My name is Jacquelyn Hayden, Hope Mom to Beanie (7 week loss), Nole (7 weeks 3 day loss), and Case (28 week preemie who passed away at 10 days old).  All of my losses happened between November 2012 and November 2013.  I found out about Hope Mommies after Case passed away, because a coworker of my sister-in-law sent me a Hope Box.  It meant the world to me to receive something during that time, especially something from a stranger that was filled with so much love, hope, and care.  A few months later, I found the Hope Mommies Facebook group, learned more about the organization, and also found out about the annual retreats.  I did not feel I was emotionally ready to attend in 2014 so I did not go that year.  However, I was very active on the Facebook group and made many dear friends.  The following year, 2015, I hoped to attend but there was a lot going and was unable. I attended the February 2016 retreat and was forever changed by the experience.

I was forever changed by the experience.

– Jacquelyn, Hope Mom to Beanie, Nole, and Case

After traveling from many states away to get to the camp, I walked up to the building not having any idea what to expect.  I knew that a few of the friends I had made would be there and was looking forward to meeting them face-to-face.  Additionally, I was excited to finally have some time to focus on my son, some bonding time with him in many ways.  I entered a room full of women I had never met but saw many loving and familiar faces.  I received hugs and felt truly welcome.  I was given my room assignment and walked through the door to find a gift bag on my bed filled with pampering items.  Later, it was time for the first session.

I remember walking in and being shocked at how many women were in attendance.  A moment later, I was crumbling inside knowing that all of these other women had experienced the same pain and heartache that I had.  I felt for each and every one of the other Hope Moms even though I did not know them.  That night, we had dinner together and I was able to meet some of the other mothers and hear their heartbreaking stories, but there was such beauty in our ability and willingness to share our hearts.

I looked forward to each large group meeting in which we would sing together, listen to the speaker, cry for our sweet babies, offer support to one another, and grow in our faith.  The guest speaker was so inspiring.  It is rare that I meet someone whom I know I will never forget, but every word she shared is forever engrained in my mind and on my heart.  She spoke of how she was challenged to love God despite her life’s circumstances, and how He was good regardless of if she ever got to have a baby to raise.  Her words went straight to my soul.

There were smaller, more intimate sessions which were different but equally healing.  I really enjoyed the smaller sessions because I got to know each of the women in my group, their stories, their hopes and dreams, and built friendships with them that will last forever.  I am generally one who feels insecure when in large groups.  I feel like I’m in middle school again, and am worried about what others will think of me.  However, the women at the retreat offered nothing but love and acceptance.  I immediately felt like I was with a group of lifelong friends.  It still amazes me that I went to a retreat with over 70 women I didn’t know at all, and left 48 hours later with many lifelong friends who understand me in a way that many of my other friends can’t.

 It still amazes me that I went to a retreat with over 70 women I didn’t know at all, and left 48 hours later with many lifelong friends who understand me in a way that many of my other friends can’t.

We had a schedule of things to do together but also free time to bond, remember our babies, reflect, and rest.  Many of us decided to do the zip line which was a wonderful experience as we all cheered one another on.  There was a bonfire one night where we made s’mores and were able to talk one on one underneath a beautiful night sky.   These fun moments provided a respite from the emotional sessions.

The activities geared towards honoring us and our babies were very touching.  We made crowns of beauty and while each was different, they were all lovely.  When we received our balloons to do the balloon release, that was one of the most serene yet emotional moments of the retreat.  Looking around and seeing many wet eyes writing notes to our sweet babies while not a word was spoken was such a raw moment that showed nothing but love.  When we were together and ready to release the balloons, we had bonded so much that the love was palpable.  I recall two balloons getting stuck in the branches of a tree on their way up.  The balloons breaking free from the branches was followed by joyous applause, an outward display of our support for each other.

There was a special room for honoring our babies and a wall where we each had a mailbox and could leave notes of encouragement for one another.  It was wonderful to be able to go into the remembrance room and share our babies with the friends we had made.  The mailboxes were especially sweet because every little note that was written showed love from another mom’s heart.  I liked to write notes in hopes of adding a little joy to another Hope Mom’s day, and the notes I received will be kept forever.

I left the retreat with a sense of peace, many new friends, and a deeper understanding of God’s presence through my losses.

I came to the retreat feeling hopeful yet unsure of what I was stepping into.  After being met with welcoming arms and loving hearts, I knew I was right where I belonged.  I left the retreat with a sense of peace, many new friends, and a deeper understanding of God’s presence through my losses.

Registration for the Hope Mommies Retreat is now open! Learn all of the details –> HERE

Jacquelyn, Hope Mom to Beanie, Nole, and Case

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