Testimony Tuesday {Choose Hope 2017}

It can be overwhelming for mothers to decide how is best for a Hope Baby to be celebrated. As Hope Moms begin to ponder on how they would like to honor and remember their babies in heaven on October 15, one Hope Mom graciously shares with us multiple ways she honors her Hope Baby on important dates and in her daily life in hopes of giving some ideas:

“I sat there all alone waiting for my husband to pull the car around to the bench I was sitting on outside the hospital the day after our son, Hayes, was born. I looked on as other women were also waiting for their husbands to pick them up. There was one glaring difference between those women and me. They had their babies in their arms and were about to embark on a new joyous journey in motherhood. I sat there with empty arms trying to grasp my new reality. The world was passing me by, and my world was at a standstill as my heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces. My mind raced as I became more and more anxious, pondering how I was going to tell people that I was a mom but had no baby here on earth to prove it.

How was I going to honor my son’s memory and encourage others at the same time? This answer didn’t come easy, and it didn’t come overnight. Once I accepted my new life without my son and let Jesus help me navigate through my grief, that’s when I was able to honor him through my daily actions. Not everything I do for Hayes is a grand gesture. It may be as little as holding the door open for someone, striking up a conversation with a total stranger, or buying a cup of coffee for the car behind me. I believe those small gestures I do to honor Hayes are ways that God is building my character and helping me become more like Him.

My bigger gestures come on the eighth of each month. Hayes was born on August 8, so the eighth of every month offers me a day to honor his memory. After Hayes passed, my Baylor soccer teammates came together to raise money to plant a tree and place a plaque below the tree in memory of Hayes between the soccer and baseball fields on Baylor’s campus. This tree is our special place. Weather permitting, we will take Hayes’ sisters and brother to his tree to have lunch or dinner together on the eighth as a family. If we can’t make it to his tree, we will make it a point to buy the meal for the person behind us in the drive-thru, and we include a note for them to read with Hayes’ testimony that also shares how God’s grace has given us strength to continue through our broken days.

We will not let his birthday pass without celebrating the day Jesus gave him to us to hold and build our foundation. Just like our other children’s birthdays, we buy Hayes a cake with candles to show how old he is. We write special notes to Hayes on balloons, we sing Happy Birthday to him, and release them into the sky making sure to watch them float away until we can’t see them anymore. In that moment, we say that Hayes reached down from heaven and grabbed his balloons to show to Jesus.

Our daughter, who was born one year and 4 days after Hayes was born, is now able to say her prayers each night, and we have taught her a prayer to say to Jesus and include her older brother: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord our souls to keep, and for our Hayes to watch over us while we sleep.” She glows each night she says her prayers and feels a closeness to her brother that she wouldn’t get any other way.

We’ll always be sure to tell one another, “I love you to Hayes and back.”

And lastly, when I am having that longing to see Hayes again really start tugging on my heart, and I am missing him more than I feel I can take; I will sit down and write him a letter. It may just include how I’m feeling, what I have done for the day, or what we have planned for the week as a family. But many of my letters explain to Hayes how I’m feeling, and how my hearts longs to hold him.

One letter included the following: As I reflect on the day you were born, I am reminded of how strong you were and how hard you fought for your Mama. You exhibited more strength than I could have ever asked of you. Who knew that 2 pounds 6 ounces could be so tough? You, Hayes Lee Hall, have given me the strength to carry on and strive to become the friend, wife, Mom, and daughter that God created me to be.

Writing to Hayes and having a way to communicate my feelings to him eases my mother heart and brings me comfort in spite of my loss.”

I am under construction and being chiseled into something new. I can now see that God’s goodness and grace follows me all of my days after losing Hayes.

Carrying the sorrow of losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss can feel like such a lonely journey. Whether your loss was recent or years ago, there are no words that can completely dissolve the pain. But take heart beloved one, you are not alone. You do not have to endure the grief on your own.

For the past 11 years, our nation has officially recognized October 15 as an opportunity to honor and remember our precious babies who have gone home before us, and to spread awareness of the tragedy that befalls 1 in 4 women.  And today, countries all over the world recognize Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day through balloon releases, candlelight vigils, memorial services, and other commemorative events.

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan made this profound proclamation as he declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month:

“Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems… I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.”

And in 2006, the United States House of Representatives voted to recognize October 15 as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Invite your friends and family to join you and get the t-shirt, then meet together on October 15 to release balloons*, or partake in other honoring activities shared today. [Grab your October 15 t-shirts and hats HERE September 1-18, 2017] You can write on the balloons, play music, sing a song, say a prayer, and remember together… let’s bring awareness to this silent grief that affects 1 in 4 women. Take a photo of your group and #hopemommiesOct15.

*Please be environmentally friendly and adhere to your state laws concerning balloon releases. Latex balloons are biodegradable and you can use cotton string or raffia that will compost after landing.

How are you honoring your babies this October 15?  We’d love to hear how you shared hope and remembered our precious babies on this day!

Submit your testimony to Hope Mommies’ blog!