It’s easy, when you’ve suffered, to think that you are now the expert in grief. You know what it means to be painfully hurt and hopeless—what hurts, and what helps. But if I’m honest, before I lost my son, I had no idea what it was like to grieve so much. I had experienced some loss, and am naturally empathetic, but I am positive that I’ve said, done, and forgotten things that caused others additional heartache. To be completely transparent, even since my losses, I continue to say, do, and forget things for others who are suffering, and have likely caused them pain. I have had to apologize to my own husband many times for not caring for him ...

A few weeks after we received a fatal diagnosis for our son, we received one of my favorite emails yet. A friend, who had been walking through deep waters of grief for many years, wrote that she and her husband were praying for us to have grace for our community. I smiled. She knew exactly what it meant to be in the position we were in. At this point we had received several emails, cards, and comments from people who wanted to care for us well. At times, though, the things that they felt might comfort us weren’t exactly encouraging. In fact, many things people said stung—I still remember some of them nearly three years later. I remember ...