43 results for tag: Brittnie

Comfort For Hope Siblings: The Joy of Heaven

Dear Precious Child, I see you there, smile on your face but pain in your eyes, longing for your Hope Sibling. You feel so many feelings, just like we do. You feel all the things within a matter of seconds, just like we do. Sadness, confusion, a bit of anger. Your mind races with questions as to why your meant-to-be sibling now lives in heaven instead of our home. You expected to spend hours snuggling on the couch and lending a helping hand with feedings and bath time. Instead, you now have memories of a casket far too small and a permanent resting spot which we plan to visit on special milestone days, like his birthday and Christmas. Recently, as I ...

A Prayer for the One Who Feels Stuck

Dear Hope Mom, I see you there, under the covers, the weight of your grief like a blanket so heavy you cannot muster the strength to remove even the slightest corner. I, too, remember laying there feeling as though my entire world was shattered forever, while the rest of the world continued spinning on its happy axis. I, too, remember feeling too burdened to take a shower, make a sandwich, or even pick up my phone to distract myself, because once again the phone reminded me of everyone else and their perfect, happy, sorrow-free life. I know the feeling, dear one. Do you feel like you remain in the same spot in your grief journey, at a loss for what ...

The Gift of Endurance

It wasn’t until many days after the burial of my son that I began to feel the deep grief and suffering. Things had moved too fast up to that point to process the magnitude of what had just occurred. One day, we learned our son had passed away. A few days later he was born, and a few days after that we honored his life with a small graveside service. Yet, when the phone stopped dinging and the casseroles stopped appearing, and I could finally well, just stop, it was then that the heaviness of our loss was truly felt, really felt for the first time. The dictionary describes suffering as the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. Pain? ...

Joy is Possible

I sat down at the kitchen counter with my Bible and prayed "Lord, show me the verse. Your word is so rich, so full of truth, that I don't even know where to begin. Lead me to the verse that will be etched on my son's gravestone. The verse that will point me to you, that will become our family's theme, so to speak." And as I flipped through my Bible, eyes scanning, I stopped at Psalm 16:11. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore. Psalm 16:11 (NIV) Tears dripped from my eyes as I read it again and broke it down, bit by bit. God has written my ...

Discussions in Grief: Forgiving Others

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  I slowly turned the corner into the playground parking lot. The nerves in my stomach were so intense I felt as though I might get sick. It had only been a few weeks since I buried my only son, Chance, and this was my attempt at pulling back the covers and rejoining a community of friends. This was ...

Held Together

Our third child enters the world. The room is silent. There is no noise, only hushed commotion—no cries from my babe. The air is thick, but peace is present. I look up and ask my sister, “Does my baby look like a baby?” “Oh goodness, yes,” she replies. I then ask, “Is it a boy or a girl?” All goes quiet for several seconds, and Dr. G gently replies, “It’s a boy.” Brandon lets out a cry from the sitting room. The nurses gently clean off my son. They weigh and measure him. 6.6 ounces and 7 inches of perfection. They wrap him in a tiny blanket and place a tiny hat on his head. He is little, yet amazingly formed. The nurse ...

Discussions in Grief: Numbness

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  I slowly climbed into the wheelchair ready to be escorted out. The nurse pushed me out of room 307 and down the hall of the labor and delivery unit. Nurses stopped and squeezed my neck and said their goodbyes. Strangers, there I assume to meet their newest family member, gave looks of sympathy. They ...

Discussion in Grief: Soul-Care

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  My third child and only son, Chance Michael, was born sleeping at 20 weeks gestation. At 18.5 weeks his little heart was beating, and by 20 weeks he was gone. The months following Chance’s death were some of the hardest and darkest of my life. They were months when I felt numb to the world, alone in ...

Discussions in Grief: Permission to Grieve

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  I remember the first time I felt the guilt. It had been a few weeks since Chance’s funeral, my son who we lost at 20 weeks’ gestation, and I was alone, at home, with my two daughters, ages 15 months and 2.5 years. The memory box the hospital gave me sat on my dining room table, I could not yet ...

Discussions in Grief: Hiding

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.  "You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance."-Psalm 32:7 We walked toward the car, heads hung low, hand in hand. We had just learned that our baby, at 20 weeks gestation, was no longer breathing and after two hours speaking with a ...