Discussions in Grief: Forgiving Others
Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.
I slowly turned the corner into the playground parking lot. The nerves in my stomach were so intense I felt as though I might get sick. It had only been a few weeks since I buried my only son, Chance, and this was my attempt at pulling back the covers and rejoining a community of friends. This was my first playgroup playdate since my son’s memorial service. I knew I needed faces, so here I was.
Anxiety overcame my body as I shifted the car into park. My mind raced as I unloaded my 18-month-old daughter out of her car seat.
Will this be awkward?
Will they acknowledge my pain?
What was I thinking?
Hand-in-hand with my daughter I began a slow walk up to where a group of friends were gathered, several around the swings, and a few around the slides. Immediately, typical greetings and questions ensued, none of which revolved around my loss.
For two hours I engaged in typical mommy chatter, and for two hours my insides were screaming, “Would someone, just one person, acknowledge what just happened to me? Would one person share their condolences? Would just one person ask me how I am doing today? Would one person give a hug and say they are sorry? Just one person, Lord. That is all I am asking.
The playdate ended, and as I loaded my daughter back into her seat water filled the corners of my eyes. With the click of my own seatbelt the floodgates opened.
“You okay, mama?” my daughter questioned.
“Yes, baby. I am sad but I will be okay.”
Over the weeks that followed, the sadness of that day at the park gave way to anger. I could not understand how not one person in attendance that day spoke my son’s name. Not. One. The anger grew deeper as the days passed. I was hurt and felt betrayed by people who should have known better. I felt justified in my anger. My heart had turned to stone towards these people, yet I did not like the feeling of that transformation. I knew I needed to work toward forgiveness. I turned to God’s Word to start the forgiveness process.
Colossians 3:13 tells us to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Mark 11:25 states “Jesus said, ‘And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Isaiah 43:25 says “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
As I dug further into the Word of God I realized the irony of my stance. Each and everyday I need forgiveness from my Savior. Each and everyday I miss the mark in some way, shape, or form. There is no perfect person and thus no perfect response to life’s tragedies. Jesus gave His life on the cross for me, even in my weakness, just as He gave Himself for my silent park friends.
Even in my sin and less-than-perfect state, Jesus died for me.
Jesus wipes my slate clean day after day, and I needed to offer my friends this same practice.
Because of the gospel message to me and for me, I decided to choose grace over resentment.
In the devotional book “God’s Word of Life for Women,” Macia Hollis writes, “To receive a blow and to refuse to pass it on is an act that requires extraordinary generosity. For most people, it does not come naturally. . . We must become softer, gentler, more loving people, receiving a blow but unable by the fabric of our lives to transmit the force of it.”
I did not want to transmit the force of my blow.
With a lump in my throat, kneeling before the Father I prayed, “Lord, thank You for the grace and forgiveness You offer me daily. Thank You for caring for my needs and sustaining me through this loss. Thank You for reminding me of the power of forgiveness, how much I need it, and how much my friends need it too. I hand this incident to You, Lord, and I choose, right now, to start anew.”
Standing up again, I felt a lightness return that I had not felt since that playdate at the park. I did not realize how deeply the choice to deny forgiveness was affecting soul.
Friends, we have been reconciled to God through the death of Jesus! What freedom this gives us to walk freely toward reconciliation with the people in our lives who, just like us, sometimes miss the mark.
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in God’s sight, without blemish and free from accusation.”
Colossians 1:21-22
Are there any hang-ups, hurts, or resentments you are holding on to as it relates to your loss? Do you feel lost, buried under the weight of anger or frustration toward others? Do you need to present these pain points to the Lord, in an effort to move toward forgiveness?
- Brittnie
Hope Mom to Baby A and Chance Michael
Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.
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