Stefanie’s Story

“I met my husband when I was 24. We met on eHarmony. For any of you who want to know if it’s a complete joke, it worked for us. However, I truly believe God would have made sure we ended up together regardless. I wish I could say it was love at first sight. But it just wasn’t. As a matter of fact, I only went out with him again because my best friend told me that “everyone deserves a second chance.”

Our first date was awkward and a little uncomfortable, but on our second date, Mike stole my heart. Pretty much after that we were inseparable. We were engaged six months later and were married in June of 2009. I’ve never known anyone like my husband. He has the biggest heart of any man I’ve ever known and through the years he has shown me what true, unconditional love really means.

We had decided we wanted children right away and decided to forego any birth control. Our first anniversary rolled around and we had still not gotten pregnant.The following August we found out we were expecting and were overjoyed. At our first doctor visit, our baby looked fine but the doctor noticed I had a uterine deformity. She wanted to keep a close watch on me. We were so confident, we just knew everything was going to be fine and didn’t worry too much about it.

Unfortunately, at 9 weeks I miscarried. My hope was gone. It broke my heart. I didn’t understand. God knew we wanted a baby so badly. Why us Lord?? Had I done something wrong?

As luck would have it, we became pregnant again in the fall of 2012. I wish I could say I was overjoyed, but in truth I cried. My sweet husband held onto me, reassuring me that everything would be ok and God was giving us a baby. At our 15 week ultrasound, we found out we were having a boy. I’ll never forget the look on my husband’s face.

At my 16 week appointment, my doctor discovered I had what is called an incompetent cervix. Basically, my cervix was not supporting the baby and was trying to open. I had a vaginal cerclage placed and was sent home on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy. During my time on bed rest, I just begged God to please keep our baby safe. It felt like what I had desired my entire life was being slowly ripped away. Even my own body was telling me, you can’t be a mom.

On the morning of February 19th, I thought I was having contractions. I could barely feel our baby moving. I had been awake most of the night. I could just feel something was terribly wrong. We went to see our doctor and soon I was checked into the hospital. I was 22 weeks pregnant. My contractions continued to worsen and soon I was in full-blown labor.. Before long, everyone knew I was going to lose my baby. It turned out that because my cervix had shortened so, I contracted an infection. I was dangerously close to being septic and could have lost my life. I delivered around 4 o’clock the next morning. Nolan Michael entered this world and went straight to heaven.

The entire experience was so surreal. I couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened. I was supposed to be planning a nursery not a funeral. I cried, and cried, and cried and cried. I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I cried all day, every day for a long time. I was so angry with God and with my body for failing my sweet baby boy.

I wish I could say I accepted the fact that God had a plan and was working all this out for good immediately and that I knew everything would be ok. But I didn’t.

Grief is messy, especially when dealing with the loss of your child. It was hard and ugly. I had to come to terms with all that has happened to my husband and I. I had to learn to release my dream and give it to the Lord. Holding on to it so tightly had literally strangled the life out of me. I was consumed and all it left me with was a lack of trust, peace, and hope. And that, sweet friends, isn’t what God wants for us at all.

After our loss, we had so many questions for our doctor. He suggested I have an abdominal cerclage placed if I wanted to try to have another baby. Like a good Googler, I went straight the Internet to investigate. Their I found a group of women who have the very same struggle I do. I was able to connect with one of the best doctors in the country concerning abdominal cerclages. I was scheduled for surgery in December of 2013.

In September 2014, I became pregnant again but had a very early miscarriage. Again, I was heartbroken and angry. Mostly angry this time. I began to feel picked on and passed over.

I wish I knew how this story is all going to play out but I don’t. I do know that God loves me, he loves Michael, and he loves you. His plans for our lives are for good. So whatever path he has placed you on, trust that he has your very best at heart. I wish I could give you all a great big hug right now. I know the road you walk. As I read all your posts and comments, I feel such a deep connection to you. We are kindred spirits and I know for me, your words of wisdom and encouragement mean so much more because you know exactly how hard this road can be. I believe God has given us one another to encourage each other along the way.

I leave you with my life verse- Romans 15:13 -“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Overflow with HOPE sweet sisters. God bless you.”

-Stefanie E
Hope Mom to N0lan

Stefanie Eaton is lover of Jesus, wife, and Hope Mom to Nolan. She loves teaching, Bible study, and all things girly.

Are you a writer?  Hope Mommies would love to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog.  Every Saturday we will be sharing another Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow.  If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose please send a draft between 800-1200 words to editor (at) hopemommies (dot) org.