Constance’s Story

I’ve been serving as the Creative Director for Hope Mommies since it was established in 2011. It has been a blessing and honor to me as I have met some of the most amazing women with the most beautiful hearts. I have seen the Lord time and time again using trials, grief, and pain to sharpen and refine souls that radiate Him profoundly.

Over the years I have been asked why I’m involved in serving Hope Mommies; I hadn’t had a loss of my own, but that isn’t required to love and serve. It was the Holy Spirit prompting my heart to love my friend, Erin, and to use my design skills and talents that He gave me in a way that serves the body.

My husband and I decided to seriously start trying to begin our family. We longed, hoped, and prayed for a child for two years. We found out it wasn’t as easy as so many around us made it seem. Then, in May of 2014, I found out I was pregnant! I took a bazillion pregnancy tests because I didn’t believe it. The doctor confirmed it with a blood test; yet, the test also confirmed at the same time that I was having a miscarriage. I was so disappointed—broken-hearted really. I wasn’t very far a long, about five weeks, like so many woman I know. It was a roller coaster of emotion.

In the days immediately after the miscarriage, I began pleading with the Lord, seeking His wisdom and comfort, and all the while looking for my own understanding in the “why.” As I was pulling weeds in my garden one day, I was crying to the Lord—a confession that I felt foolish mourning this baby who I would never know on this side of heaven. I didn’t have an ultrasound, I never heard a heartbeat, I didn’t know a gender, and I wanted something tangible. I knew it was a selfish demand in my grief, but I felt so robbed.

In that moment, I looked down and found a little pink rock with two white lines. A rock may not seem significant while gardening, but I knew it was a gift from the Lord—He heard me. He created and knows my sweet baby. My baby was real, and I experienced a real loss. One of my favorite books is an allegory, Hinds Feet in High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I don’t want to spoil the book, but in the story the main character, Much Afraid, gathers memorial stones after significant trials or lessons and carries them all throughout her life’s journey. I knew this little rock was a memorial stone for me to gather—not just to remember my baby, but to remember God’s faithfulness, love, compassion, and mercy to me. I’m ever grateful for the community of women the Lord had already established in my life who know the heart-break, who I could confide in without feeling like “the constant downer” in the room, and who would point me continually back to Jesus.

I am a wife to Phil Ray and mama to two babies. My first baby who I lost to miscarriage in 2014, and my daughter, Maylee. I live in Flower Mound, TX with my family. I serve as Hope Mommies Creative Director and am a freelance Graphic Designer.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays, we feature a Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.