Ask the Blog Team: How and When Did You Talk to Your Living Child(ren) About Their Hope Sibling?

Welcome to our Q+A series, Ask the Blog Team. In this series, the Hope Mommies blog team joins together to answer questions that are commonly asked in grief. If there is a question or topic that you have wrestled with in your grief that you would like the opportunity to see how other Hope Moms have processed or answered, we would love to hear from you. You can submit your questions here.

---

My rainbow baby is eight weeks old, and we’ve already told him all about his big sister Ginny in heaven and how much she loves him. I plan on continuing to tell him that throughout his life.

My son is only one, so I have not told him about his brother and sister yet, but I hope to as soon as he is able to understand.

I can’t say yet, but I will say that growing up, my parents told me about my sister who was still born and I remember always wishing I knew her. I think this shaped me into having a pro life ethic, helped me be sensitive to miscarriages prior to my own loss, and even prepared me in ways to experience loss myself. I’m glad my parents told me about her. 

This didn’t feel like something we ever “introduced.” We’ve just always talked about Max and had photos of him and our Max Bear around, so my kids have grown up knowing that they have a big brother in heaven. My living son, around age two, saw a picture on my phone of us holding Max in the hospital and said, “Baby Max died. Mama cried. Mama was so sad. Then baby Lachlan was born. Mommy was sooo happy!” I love hearing my babies talk about their big brother and that they just know he’s a part of our family. We also have a sweet kids book that describes what it means to be a baby born after loss called “Someone Came Before You”

We had three children before Simeon and Odelle passed into glory. So, our older kids have always known about their siblings in heaven. We have their pictures displayed, have various items in our home in which they are represented, and bring them up naturally in everyday conversation. We’ve always tried to be intentional and transparent in the way we talk about our Hope Babies, and I think that has helped our children feel comfortable to ask questions and share their own burdens in grief with us.

Coincidentally, it is our son that was born after our losses who talks about Simeon and Odelle the most. Whenever he tells someone about our family, he makes sure they know that he has a brother and sister in heaven. There wasn’t a single point in time when we sat him down and told him about our Hope Babies, He’s just come to an increasing realization of it over time as we keep their memories alive in our hearts and in our home.

---

Are you a writer who would like to join the blog team? Learn more and apply here.

---