Brooke’s Story

The story of our sweet baby Blair all began on April 2, 2011 when my husband Clint and I found out we were pregnant with our first child! We had been married for almost 5 years at this point and prayed about when to start our family and felt the Lord’s confirmation as we saw the two lines on the pregnancy test. We were so excited about the thought of having a child to call our own. As a Pre-K teacher, I have always loved kids and my students always became like my own children after teaching them for a year. Yet, I couldn’t wait to take care of my own after 4 years of teaching a classroom full of others. I decided that this was going to be my last year, and that I would begin my new career as a stay at home mom in December 2011. So I packed up my classroom with anticipation for the future.

 

I had the most perfect pregnancy! I was always waiting for the day that I would start to feel nauseous, but that day never came and I went 36 weeks with no sickness to speak of. I loved being pregnant! I had never felt better! At 20 weeks we found out we were having a girl. We had the perfect name picked out—Blair Nicole. Blair is Clint’s middle name and Nicole is my middle name. Our little girl’s name would have a little of both her parents. We began thinking and preparing for the future as we started a remodel on our house with a new kitchen, living room, and nursery. I couldn’t wait to set it up for Blair, but would have to wait until after our remodel was finished. But that was ok with me. All that was important was having a healthy baby; the details and decorations would come later. Life was good with so much to look forward to!

 

My life changed dramatically on November 5, 2011, a month before her December 5 due date. I had gone to my baby care class at the hospital that morning, then to lunch and shopping with friends that afternoon. It wasn’t until that evening that I realized I hadn’t felt Blair move as much as she had the day before. I was a little worried, but her sudden case of the hiccups helped ease my nerves. The weekend continued with a little concern, as she still did not have the usual kicks and jabs I was so used to. I was also having a lot of Braxton hicks, so I wondered if she was just moving less because of that. When Monday came, my concern heightened so we called the doctor and went in for a Non-Stress Test. The nurse found the heartbeat with the Doppler and then hooked me up to the machine. Her heartbeat was normal, but the doctor wasn’t comfortable with the amount of kicks she made, so we went in for an ultrasound. Immediately we were able to see her moving, which was a huge relief! After about 20 minutes of waiting for Blair to show us her “practice breathing,” we were told she passed all the “tests” they were looking for. Blair was alive and seemed to be healthy from what we saw and what we were told. We went home with excitement and peace knowing that she was ok and we had done everything in our power to make sure she was. The Lord had answered our prayers. The rest of the week went on about the same. I still didn’t feel Blair the same as I had before, but I thought this was just the new normal being so close to the end. I also had an appointment scheduled for Thursday, so I knew everything would be checked out again.

 

On Thursday, November 10 I picked my mom up from the airport. She flew in for the last of my three baby showers. We had plans to start organizing and getting Blair’s space set up in our temporary home since our remodel was still going on. Normally my husband had gone to every appointment with me, but it fell on the week he was working so I was glad my mom could go with me. My appointment was at 3:45, and again I had no fear or worry going into it. As I lay back on the table, my doctor began to look for the heartbeat with the Doppler.

 

She pressed it against my stomach in several places stopping every once and awhile to really listen, saying, “I think that is it.”

 

She remained calm and said that sometimes the Doppler didn’t work very well. She then rolled in a cart with an ultrasound machine to get a better reading. This is when the panic set in! After she couldn’t find the heartbeat again, she asked me to get dressed, but not to panic yet (yeah right!). She would have me come into the other room to get a better look. When the ultrasound tech began the test, I knew immediately, but didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t see Blair’s heart moving, and as she called my doctor back in I knew my life would be forever changed. She then said the words I never wanted to hear or hear ever again!

 

“Brooke, I am so sorry. There is no heartbeat. Blair is no longer with us.”

 

All I could do was stare in unbelief asking the same questions. “Are you sure? How could this happen? Why? Please Lord! NO!”

 

My doctor took us back to her office so I could call my husband and have a safe place to cry. All I could do was cry and wonder, Is this really happening? We were here Monday and everything was OK! We saw her moving!

 

After many tests, we never figured out what happened. Everything appeared to be just fine. It is something we had to learn to give to God and trust that we don’t always have answers for the hard things that happen in life. This world is simply broken.

 

Clint immediately left work to come to the hospital, and by the time he got there I was in a labor and delivery room getting dressed in a hospital gown. All we could do was hold each other and cry. At first, all I wanted to do was have a C-section and not go through the agonizing hours of giving birth. I wanted to go home and pretend that it was all just a horrible nightmare. But somehow the Lord gave me strength to press on. Family and friends through either their presence or prayers surrounded us immediately. Being in the hospital and going through what we did was the hardest thing I have ever done! Yet, there was an indescribable peace and power that was with us and we knew it could only come from the Lord.

 

After 23 hours of labor, with only 3 pushes, we got to see our precious Blair for the first time. We had looked forward to this moment since we found out we were pregnant wondering what she would look like. Who would she look like most? Never in a million years did we think it would be like this! Blair was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen! She had the most beautiful lips with defined peaks on her upper lip, the same as her daddy. She had a head full of auburn hair like mine, and the tiniest little features on her 5 pound 1 ounce frame. I will never forget how she felt in my arms and the amount of love I had in that moment. But with that emotion also came pain and deep sadness as I looked at my baby girl who would never open her eyes on this earth.

 

We got to spend 4 hours holding Blair and sharing her with our family. My sister-in-law took lots of pictures as everyone held her and saw how beautiful she was. A professional photographer with the organization “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” also took pictures along with the photographer with the hospital. I will forever be grateful for those pictures.

 

Not hearing Blair’s heartbeat, letting her go from my arms, and leaving the hospital empty-handed were among some of the hardest moments of my life. The only strength I could hold onto was the promise that God would not leave me (Deuteronomy 31:8). He was by my side every step of the way and He was the only reason I didn’t fall into a deep pit of despair.

 

On November 15 we had the sweetest service for Blair at the chapel in the cemetery where her body would be laid to rest. Our brother-in-law, Jeff Scott, who also led our wedding in 2007, led the service with a personal message that spoke to our hearts. We decided that Blair would be buried in the same plot as me with a gravestone marking her name between ours because she would forever be a part of us. We decided as her parents to carry her casket to the place she would be buried, which helped as closure for us. I will forever carry the memory of beauty with me as I remember the beautiful flowers, words, songs, and caring support of family and friends on this day.

 

Clint and I have held onto the promise that “All things work for good for those who love God” (Romans 8:28), and we will count this grief and pain worth it in the end if lives are changed because of it. Our prayer is that others will give their lives to Christ or strengthen their walks with Him upon hearing of Blair’s life and death, and seeing our hope through it all. Her life had purpose and will continue to have purpose to bring others closer to Him. We have seen the power of prayer and the love of Christ through His people toward us in amazing ways. While we still grieve, and forever will grieve here, we hold onto hope that we will see Blair again someday. We love and miss Blair with all our hearts, but it brings a smile to our faces that she is loved by her Creator and heaven is all she will ever know. She was simply a little girl made for heaven.

 

We will celebrate Blair’s 5th year in glory this November. In 5 years, I have been able to come full circle and reach out to so many hurting women to encourage them the same way that I was encouraged to hold tightly to faith and trust in the Lord. It has brought me so much healing to help others in their pain. Hope Mommies has helped to give me the platform to stand on to proclaim the Lord’s goodness, and it is my prayer that every family going through loss knows the goodness of the Father who loves them and has a plans for their lives.

– Brooke

Hope Mom to Blair Nicole

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog! Every Saturday we feature a Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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