Purpose in the Pain: Greater Fruitfulness

Every year, there is a season as a gardener where it’s time to prune my roses. When pruning roses, the technique is to pluck all the leaves off the rose bush and cut the long stems (called canes) in half, generally speaking. 

I look at my once voluptuous Julia Child roses, grab my sheers, and cut them down to only the necessities every February here in Texas. When I’m done they look lifeless and nonexistent. The first time I did this, I thought they would never come back—but I was wrong. Not only do they come back from this every year, but they also thrive in the next growing season. 

It’s hard to imagine how, or why, taking something so strong and beautiful and cutting away all the excess would make it even stronger and more beautiful. And by “excess,” I mean most of what characterizes the rose bush to me—the leaves, the long stems. What’s left is a few sticks. It barely resembles what it once was. All I have is hope that they will regrow into a new beautiful rose stem when the time comes.

Jesus talks about this in John 15:1-3. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the Word I have spoken to you.”

Jesus tells us that the Father prunes branches “so that it will be even more fruitful.” The mystery lies in why we, as followers of Christ, need to be pruned for this fruitfulness to be accomplished in us. While I lack understanding of this, Romans 8:28 reminds us that God causes everything to work together for good. 

After my losses of my boys, I related to my pruned rose bushes. I felt like a house stripped to the studs. The life I lived no longer looked the same. I was hurting and forgot how to pray. I remember looking at the sky thinking, “Where do I even start?”

Like a rose in February, my husband and I had been vigorously pruned. We only had our vine—Jesus—to cling to and the hope for spring to come again one day. 

My husband and I had made it a habit to pray together before we were married, and I will always be thankful for this. Because it was already a habit, we continued to do it together during this confusing season. We both decided we had to go back to the basics, we made a mental list of things to give thanks for. The first list was admittedly short: Our car, our jobs, our house, our physical health. End of list. 

We were forced to go back to the beginning, giving thanks like parents teach their children to do when first learning how to pray. We didn’t know what else to do. It was like God had hit the “reset” button on us. God had pruned every area of our life, and even prayer was this bare-bones version of what it used to be for us.

We were lack luster in our efforts, but continued to move forward in prayer to Him. Our prayers were short, thanking Him for these things. And that was it. I’m glad we didn’t stop praying. I’m glad we fought through the discomfort and the pain and chose to continue to find something we can be thankful for even in the darkness. 

Looking back, this was just one area of our life where things that weren’t necessary or weren’t truly good fell away. Before this season, I would start off prayer with a list of things I wanted from God. My focus would often be on things He could give me. I know with certainty I never put the emphasis on giving thanks like I do now. 

This small thing, that even felt painful to do in the beginning when I didn’t feel like praying or praising, has revolutionized my life. It reoriented me to seek Him in the everyday, to actively find things to be thankful for instead of letting good things pass by without acknowledgement to Him like I used to. 

As time passed our list grew longer, and eventually our prayers evolved into praise and petition again, but more intentional requests, with more trust in God and His goodness. Our continued focus on the good helped build our trust with Him. 

I also noticed my mentality changed to find the good in situations. Years later, still starting our prayers with lists of what we are truly thankful for, it has challenged me to first and foremost look for God in everyday situations; this has given me freedom, it’s broken chains that Satan had on me long before we lost B and Robert. 

No longer am I bound to focusing on the bad, easily finding the lame in situations. God has opened my eyes; He is ruler of everything. He is good, and now I have found the power to find His goodness everywhere. 

What a gift. What a gift that was delivered to me through the lives of my babies. They are beacons of light that visited us for only a short time on this earth. They were given to us by God for a short time to completely change our lives in every way possible. 

Hope Mom, our short time with our hope babies undoubtably changed how we look at the world. We have a unique perspective on life, knowing depths of grief that other people in our lives may not have experienced. This felt like a weakness to me after my losses, I saw so much bad in the world. But years later, I can see how the good times and good moments feel different. They feel like rays of sunshine, like a sweet surprise. 

We are asked to trust in the Lord without always knowing what His plan is. Our trust in His plan and His goodness is the foundation for our hope. Without Him, we can bear no good fruit. As Jesus says in John 15:5, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

We can grow stronger and more beautiful after our losses through Him. Life can be beautiful again despite our circumstances, thanks to Him. What a beautiful gift He has given us through our babies. 

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In addition to her Hope Babies, Paige is a mom to Joseph John here on this earth. She and her husband are avid gardeners of wildflowers, roses, herbs, and veggies at their home in Texas. In the quieter moments you’ll find her running, knitting, or reading.

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