Purpose in the Pain: Drawn to the Lord

It’s been ten years since I held my baby boy in my arms on that hot July day. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago, and others it seems like just yesterday. When I think about that season of my life, there are certain details that stand out to me. I remember how hot it was every single day. Our area experienced a pretty severe drought in the summer of 2011, and the heat was more than anything this Texas girl had ever before experienced. I cried when we finally had a good afternoon rain shower! 

I remember the fierce love that I felt from a community that we had just moved to a few months before, and the intense grief that came with holding my baby one day and waking up the next morning with empty arms. I also remember joining two different Bible studies that fall. At the time, I thought I was trying to stay busy and to keep my mind distracted. I thought I needed more friends to encourage my aching heart, and this seemed like a great solution. Looking back now, I know the Lord was using this season to draw me closer to Him.

All throughout the Bible, we can see a similar pattern with our brothers and sisters in Christ. When they walked through seasons of pain and suffering, their hearts were often drawn closer to the Lord. One of my favorite places to see this is through the Psalms. Whether it is David writing or another Psalmist, we read words of praise and adoration toward God in the midst of trials and tribulation. Psalm 119:71 says “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statues.” The Psalmist understood what James would later pen in his letter: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” (James 1:2-3).

Why are we drawn to God when our hearts are hurting and it seems like there is no hope? I think that the first question of the New City Catechism addresses this well. It asks, “What is our only hope in life and death?” The answer: “That we are not our own but belong, body and soul, both in life and death, to God and to our Savior Jesus Christ.” This truth is found in Romans 14:7-8 which says, “For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” 

I don’t know if I have ever felt as hopeless as I did in days following the loss of my baby. It felt as though my whole world had been turned upside down in an instant. As the Lord drew me closer to Him and His Word, I was able to see that because of Him, and Him alone, I can and do have hope. He is a God that works all things together for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

I believe that another reason that we are drawn to the Lord in our grief is because of His perfect love. As I was grieving my baby, there were many people in my life that wanted to help me feel better. Sometimes their words were a comfort to me, and sometimes they weren’t. There were even times when words that were meant to heal actually caused my heart more pain. I have had to come to terms with the truth that no matter how much someone loves me their love could never compare to that of my heavenly Father. When I am in need of comfort, or just want to feel loved, His are the arms I should run into. 

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 
Romans 8:35-39

As I reflect on the past ten years, I can clearly see how the Lord has used the life and death of our son, Isaac, to draw me closer to Him. God is my only hope, both in this life and the life to come. He is the one who loves me with a perfect and never-ending love. He is my good Father, and I know I can find true peace in Him.

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Kacie lives in Austin, Texas, and is the mommy of three precious daughters on earth and a sweet baby boy in heaven. She loves reading, coffee dates with her husband, Jonathan, and traveling with her family. She is passionate about helping women grow in biblical literacy and theology and is the cohost of the Adorned Podcast. She also blogs at www.kaciehunt.com.

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