Lies in Grief: God Took My Baby to Punish Me

Welcome to Part 2 of our Lies in Grief series. If you missed Part 1, you can read it HERE.

Losing a baby makes us especially vulnerable to believing lies about ourselves and God. Having to unexpectedly say goodbye to our babies breaks our hearts, creating cracks that need filling. Unless we fill those cracks with God’s healing truth, the enemy is going to fill them with his lies. Join me in exposing these lies we are believing in grief, and let us experience the balm of His truth together. 

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Lie: God took my baby to punish me

This week, I’m addressing the lies that can take root when our awareness of our sinful nature collides with the grief of losing our babies. These thoughts might sound like: “God took my baby to punish me” or “God didn’t think I would be a good mom because of what I’ve done.”

Losing a baby is heavy enough on its own. But when we come to believe that our baby’s death was somehow a punishment for our sins, the shame and guilt can become crushing. Let’s see what scripture has to say about these thoughts.

Affliction in the Bible
We aren’t the first ones to struggle with this lie. In the Old Testament, a man named Job underwent much suffering: he lost his children, his home, possessions, and his health. He had a group of friends who were compassionate at first, but after Job’s suffering continued, they grew desperate for answers and finally declared “God did this because you sinned” (Job 4, 8, 11, 22). They firmly believed you “reap what you sow”—and that all suffering would stop upon repentance.

In the New Testament, John recounts the story of a man born blind. Reflecting the common belief of their day, Jesus’ disciples ask whether the man’s blindness was caused by his own sin or by the sins of his parents.

These two accounts remind us that when tragedy strikes, it is natural to ask “why?” and search for someone or something to blame—whether in ourselves or others. But we must tread carefully in our quest for answers, because we can easily stray from truth, just as our first parents did after sin entered the world. While Adam and Eve sought to cover their guilt and deflect it onto others, many of us heap generous portions of shame onto ourselves for the deaths of our babies.

The Gospel Good News
Mama, I have good news for you—wonderfully, almost unbelievable good news. It is found in the word “gospel” (which means ‘good news’). The Gospel of the Bible simply declares: we have a good God who loves us enough to cover our sin and shame for us, if we let him. And because He covers us, “there is now no condemnation for those in Christ” (Ro 8:1). This means that God does not punish believers for our sins. Jesus willingly took that punishment for us on the Cross.

Mama, every single sin you have committed and will commit is taken care of. It doesn’t need to be paid for and you don’t need to pay Him back.

Sometimes we have a hard time letting the Cross have the final say; our remaining sin nature still wants to atone for our mistakes and rebellion. In some ways, we don’t believe the Cross is enough for us and our terrible sin.

Maybe you’ve done something—or many things—in your life that you know are against God’s good design for you. But, if you have acknowledged that sin and accepted Jesus’ payment on your behalf, it is enough. Your sin is wiped clean.

Suffering in the World
So, if their stories are not to teach us about the punishment of our sin, what do Job and the blind man have to say to us about suffering? Primarily, we must remember that suffering exists because of a fallen world, not as God’s payback. Creation reminds us daily of its condition: it is broken, groaning for renewal, and longing to be made right again (Ro 8:19).

Job
Before any of his devastating losses, God declared of Job: “he is blameless and upright…he fears God and turns away from evil” (Job 1:1, 8). Let’s be clear. Job was not perfect, but God saw his godly heart and considered him righteous. When Job’s friends tried to build a convincing case that he was to blame for his own suffering, God Himself ultimately rebuked them: “you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has” (Job 42:7).

Job’s tragic story exists to tell the truth about God. Even when everyone was against him and everything taken away from him, Job kept looking to his Maker. Instead of teaching us to cower in shame before the Almighty, Job encourages us to boldly ask “Who are you, God?”

One thing Job learned about God in his suffering is that He is Our Defender. God defended Job against his accusers. Do you hear His own defense of you? It sounds like the voice of the Good Shepherd (Jn 10:1-18).

The Blind Man
The message of the blind man’s story hinges on Jesus’ answer to his disciples’ question:

Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him… While I am in the world, I am the light of the world. (John 9:3-4)

Jesus’ response does not mean God causes suffering for entertainment or to show off like some megalomaniac. Rather, this account reveals three important truths:

•   Tragedy does not reflect God’s judgment of us. Human suffering cannot always be explained through simple blame.
•   Our spiritual blindness is more important than our physical blindness. Though our afflictions on this earth can cause deep pain, loneliness, and rejection, Jesus sees the deeper, more permanent issue: the health of our eternal souls.
•   Jesus will meet us in the midst of our suffering. Sometimes he will heal the outward need, as He did this man. Other times, he doesn’t. But he is always with us in the process.

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Mama, God does not treat us according to what we deserve (Psalm 103:10-14). He went to the Cross to make that abundantly clear. You are free from guilt. Though you may not feel clean or forgiven today, your job is to choose to believe the Good News every day. Love the Lord Jesus with your mind and watch how it is renewed (Mt, Ro 12:1). Your feelings will follow.

Learning to live in grace with you,

Kelly

Kelly is the Ministry Support Lead for Hope Mommies. She and her husband Dan live in Brenham, TX with their two earthside children, Annabelle and Eli (and lots of pets). Their firstborn, William, went to Heaven in July 2017. To balance out the fullness of life, Kelly enjoys gardening, yoga, and sipping on some matcha while reading historical fiction. She considers herself beyond privileged to share the amazing news of Jesus’ Hope to all who need it, and loves that William gets to be a part of that message.