I Will Trust in You

Facebook. Such a frenemy. You love it because it lets you stay connected with friends and family, notifies you about events in your area, and allows you to share endless photos of your kid, dog, or what you ate for dinner.

But you also hate it.

When you see those pregnancy/birth announcements, and it should have been you.
When you view those milestone first year baby pictures, but your baby never experienced any of them.
When you get the “on this day” reminders, that show belly pictures or bring you back to the worst day of your life.

My husband jokingly calls Facebook the devil, and on some days, I’d have to agree with him. But on other days, it’s a beautiful reminder of God’s faithfulness and what He has shown us through our sorrow.

Recently, a Facebook memory popped up from 2 years ago. There have been memories every year for 7 years on this date because this is the day my daughter died. I post every year about how God has used her death for His glory. Two years ago was especially meaningful, because I heard Lauren Daigle’s song, “Trust in You,” for the first time on the radio. Here’s what I wrote from that day:

“Five years ago, Kinley went to be with Jesus. Many people wonder how you get over the loss of a child. You don’t. The pain never goes away. The better question would be: what do you do with that pain? When tragedy strikes, you have a choice: You can let that pain define you, or you can allow God to fill you. He brings peace that pushes out anger. God brings hope that overcomes despair.

We recently had the concrete poured for our house, and the kids put their handprints down. We wrote all four of our children’s names, and beside them, Joshua 24:15.

It says, “choose for yourselves, this day, whom you will serve…but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

I make a daily choice to rest in God’s sovereignty and the hope we have in Him. I choose to serve the One who formed my little girl and is holding her close until our glorious reunion.

“When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!”

The chorus you just read of this song has been a life anthem for me—trusting in God daily. Even when I don’t have all my “whys” answered. Even when the miracle I prayed for didn’t happen. I put my faith, not in miracles, but in the Miracle Worker.

The verses and bridge of this song remind me that I am not battling my sorrow alone, and I can entrust my burdens, my dreams, and my life to Him:

“Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I try to win this war
I confess, my hands are weary, I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face You’re by my side

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So let all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less.

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation
The rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go
You’ve not already stood”¹

This song proclaims who my God is:

• • Mighty Warrior
  • King of the fight
  • My strength and comfort
  • My steady hand
  • My firm foundation
  • The rock on which I stand

God is my everything, and I don’t need to be anything other than His. What a beautiful gift from God to hear this song on the anniversary of Kinley’s death. Our God is victorious! Death has not won.

Trusting God isn’t dependent on understanding everything that happens. We will never have that level of understanding this side of heaven. Instead, trusting God is surrendering to Him what we don’t understand and acknowledging His lordship over our lives. How freeing it is to turn our burdens over to Him and rest in His great love for us!

Every day, situations occur that catch us off guard. But not so with God. He is never surprised, detoured, or unprepared for what life brings. After all, He is the one that brings life. God is not a by standard watching life unfold, but the Creator and Maker that “works everything for our good” (Romans 8:28).

I prayed fervently for Kinley to live. I begged God to move the mountain, but that wasn’t His plan. God’s plan was to walk up the mountain with me and to allow me the privilege of helping others walk up the mountain too. It hasn’t been an easy path, but beauty has bloomed from brokenness. God has grown good from grief.

“He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights.”
Psalm 18:33 (NLT)

We are on a journey home. We fix our gaze forward and not behind. We trust God to guide us each step of the way as we do the work He has equipped us to do. We can confidently place our trust in Him because He not only holds our tomorrow but our forever.

“I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
Philippians 3:14 (NLT)

¹Trust in You, by Lauren Daigle

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Stephanie Blanks is an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (7), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (4), and Leighton (2). Stephanie enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family.

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