Hannah’s Story

My husband and I were driving in the car, talking about how we wanted to have another baby. 

As we talked, the name Gideon Andrew came to our mind. We looked up the meaning of the name, because it was one we had never even thought of before. We cried when we later looked up Gideon’s story in the Bible. We knew that Gideon was the name we would use if God granted us a son.

One day, after we had began trying to become pregnant I prayed, “Lord, I don’t think I can handle not becoming pregnant. I want a baby so badly. Please be merciful with me. Please, if it’s your will, let me have another child.”

Three days later I was home alone while my husband was at work. I got up from watching tv to go to the bathroom and felt prompted to take a pregnancy test. I stalled because it felt too soon. I didn’t want to be discouraged, but I grabbed a test anyway. I waited. Then, the faintest line came up. 

I was in shock. I took two more. The line was there each time. I took a digital test and it also confirmed—I was pregnant. I remember dropping to my knees and saying out loud, “Thank you Lord! You heard me! I dedicate this baby to you. I will carry him for as long as you let me. I’ll surrender my son like Hannah in the Bible. He is yours.” Then I called my husband to tell him the news. He came home, and we prayed together.

At around seven weeks I noticed I had some spotting. I called my doctor and had some blood work done. They told me my progesterone was low and my heart sank. Was something wrong with me? Why was this happening? 

But then I remembered the promise I made to God and I prayed again, “Lord, I know this is your baby, not mine. You gave him to me. If these seven weeks are as long as you let me have l him, I’m so grateful. Thank you. I trust your will.” A day later the doctor called and said not just my progesterone, but all my numbers had tripled. My husband and I praised the Lord. He was allowing me to carry Gideon a little longer.

As the months went by, God showed me so many things to constantly remind me that while Gideon while a gift, he belonged to the Lord. I had this peaceful understanding all along that my son wasn’t mine, but I didn’t know exactly what that meant. 

The doctors had me on medications to keep Gideon in. I had seen him on an ultrasound at 21 weeks. We could see him kick through my stomach. With every movement he made on the ultrasound I laughed with joy because I felt them all. He was so full of life. I was encouraged, but couldn’t seem to sleep that night. I asked God to comfort me.

The next day was a blur. I had been at the hospital for hours, telling the nurses that I was having contractions, but each time they told me the monitor wasn’t picking any up. I told them over and over, that I don’t feel labor. I hadn’t with Lydia, my firstborn either. After awhile they sent the doctor in. I was at six centimeters already. I knew it wouldn’t be long now.

As they set me up for delivery, I held my husbands hand and told him, “This is God’s will. It’s going to be okay.” A nurse who I had never seen before came in. She came right over to us and said “My daughter went though this. I understand your pain.” She asked if she could pray for us, and she did. She prayed powerfully for the Lord to comfort me and give us strength. We cried out to the Lord together.

Not moments later I delivered my son. It was the most painfully intimate moment of my life with my husband. I held my son. I told him he was perfect. He had a purpose and I loved him. I told him I was sorry I couldn’t keep him with me. He was valuable. He mattered; he mattered to me.

And then he quietly slipped away.

For my entire pregnancy, the Lord clearly impressed on my heart that Gideon was His. Although he only breathed on this earth for 18 minutes, his life had meaning and purpose. God works all things together for good for those who love Him. He sees things we can’t and won’t be able to understand. He holds the universe. Not you. Not me. 

I’ve felt no greater sorrow than losing my son. It’s the worst pain a mother can go though. But through it all, the Lord has been so merciful. Even when we don’t understand it, He is. Suffering is a part of our journey as Christians. Following Christ means laying down your life for God’s glory and purposes. Christ Himself suffered, and in Him there is beauty and joy in suffering that the world doesn’t understand.

God’s Word tells us that. He also tells us to trust that He as Lord He is above all things. I want to tell you, brothers and sisters, that it’s true. Christ has a plan and purpose for every life. The plans He has for us far surpass our understanding. The Lord is real. He is merciful. He is beautiful, and I love Him. 

I will end this again by simply saying: Great is Thy faithfulness. God bless you.

Hi, my name is Hannah Orin. I am married and have a daughter who is three years old. I was raised in New Hampshire, but I’ve been in Houston, Texas for 14 years. I love horses and enjoy gardening. I had my second child- a son, Gideon Andrew Orin, at 21 weeks on July 16, 2022. My constant prayer is that the Lord uses my son to soften hearts and bring people to Christ.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.