Discussions in Grief: Waves

Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series. 

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One of my favorite memories as a child was going to the coast with my parents. My mother loved to play in the ocean and we spent hours splashing in the waves. When I lived near the Gulf of Mexico, a group of us went to the coast nearly every week. Sometimes we played on the shore and let the waves bury our feet in the sand as they crashed in the shallow waters.

But our favorite thing to do was to get out past where the waves crashed violently and “hang” out in the swells. We loved the way the waves gently rolled and we would float up—and then down. Up and down. At the bottom of the swell, our feet touched the sand but then the wave gently lifted us off the bottom of the ocean, as we would crest the swell. This gentle up and down rolling was relaxing and fun.

But then, every once in a while, a swell would turn into a wave. The wave seemed to come out of nowhere—catching us off guard. We would scream and grab for each other as the white, bubbling water would crash over us with great force. We would come up sputtering and spitting. Some of us would be laughing. Some of us would be annoyed. Some of us would be terrified. We would kick and fight the waves to get back to the calm rocking of the swells.

So too, our grief often comes in waves.

An Unexpected Wave of Great Force

Everything can be going along just fine, as expected in the “new normal” of life after loss. We think we have this grief thing figured out—lulled by the gentle rolling of life “going on.”

And then a wave of grief sneaks up and crashes down on us with great force. We are caught off guard. We try to grab hold of something solid and safe. We scream. The wave crashes over us and threatens to sink us. We think we will never surface.

“The waves of death encompassed me, the torrents of destruction assailed me;”
2 Samuel 22:5

But we do surface—sputtering and spitting and wondering what just happened.

Though the intensity and duration has changed, I have experienced the waves of grief crashing down on me for over twenty-one years and I still come up sputtering. But I come up. I always come up.

And the reason I come up—gasping for air—is because of Jesus.

“He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed.”
Psalms 107:29

The grief journey isn’t a predictable journey. Several times on my grief journey, I thought I had moved past grieving and then something unpredictable would catch me by surprise, and a wave of grief crashed down on me. It would knock me off kilter for a bit, but then the peace of the Lord would gently restore my joy.

The Lord is my anchor even when the waves are strong and forceful. He is my hope.

“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.”
Hebrews 6:19

The Lord promised Abraham he would have a child and be the father of many nations even though he and his wife were very old. Those who call Jesus “Lord,” have been given a promise of eternity where we will be reunited with our children. Abraham waited patiently to receive the promise the Lord had given him. But the Lord was faithful to him.

When we flee to the Lord for our refuge, Hebrews 6:18 says we will “have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us.”

“I’m Afraid I’m Sinking; I’m Drowning”

The storms will come and the waves will crash but there is such a comfort in knowing that the Lord is our anchor during the difficult times. We can hang onto that hope.

When Jesus and the disciples were in a boat and a storm arose, waves were crashing over the boat and the disciples were afraid the boat would sink. They were in a panic and woke Jesus. Jesus got up, perhaps rubbed the sleep from His eyes, and told the storm to stop. And it did.

Matthew 8:26 says, “and there was a great calm.”

When the waves of grief crash over us and threaten to sink us, if we run to Jesus and ask for His help, He will calm the inner storm and give us peace.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:7

Just like the disciples were amazed when Jesus calmed the storm, you will be amazed how the peace of God will crash over you. It truly is a peace that passes all understanding.

Sometimes we just cling to the ship in fear and anger and forget the Lord Jesus is waiting for us to nudge Him and say, “Hey, I’m afraid I’m sinking. I’m drowning. Help!”

When we run to Jesus, He calms the storm.

“You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, you still them.”
Psalms 89:9

Dear Hope Mommy, just because the waves of grief come, it doesn’t mean the Lord doesn’t care. He does. Cry out to Him because He is waiting to comfort you and restore your peace and joy.

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10

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Shelly D. Templin is an author, speaker and blogger that shares a message of hope – with humor. She has three daughters, a son-in- law, and a granddaughter. Shelly lives in Texas with her husband, Jack, of 29 years and their two dogs.

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