Discussions in Grief: Surrender
Grieving involves new emotions and considerations often too many to numbers. When you find yourself in overwhelming grief, you likely feel buried and lost. In this series, we slowly and compassionately look at one aspect of grief at a time from a biblical perspective for the newly grieving mother. Click {here} to read past posts in this series.
I don’t know what comes to mind for you when you think of the word “surrender”, but for me I picture the end of a long battle and the losing side has nothing left. Surrender happens when they give up and hand themselves over to the mercy of the enemy. Surrender happens in defeat, when you have nothing left but the hope that what will happen if you give up is better than what will happen if you continue to fight.
Surrendering to God is similar in that we most often do it when we’ve come to the end of our rope, when we realize we have nothing to offer and we’re at the end of ourselves. But there is a difference…
I first learned about surrendering to God years before I ever even knew stillbirth was something that still happened. Have you ever had one of those things with the Lord that you thought you had learned, only to realize later you needed to learn all over again? That was my story when our son Isaiah was stillborn when I was 35 weeks pregnant. My husband and I had always answered the question, “how many kids do you want?” with “As many as the Lord gives us!” We were blessed with our daughter and then got pregnant again, only to be heartbroken with his early passage to heaven. As we dealt with the grief of Isaiah’s passing, the Lord dug deeper in my heart, beckoning me again to fully surrender to Him. I felt as though he turned my answer of “as many as He gives us” back to me and asked, “what if I only gave you one?”
Your question is most likely different from mine, but they all point to the same underlying question. Will you trust Me? Will you believe I am still good if you don’t receive what you think you want?
When we walk through any kind of loss we have a choice in how we respond. Often, our response is to become angry at God regarding what we feel has been taken from us or is being withheld, and that is normal. Yet if we remain there and allow bitterness or resentment to grow it will begin to drive us away from the Lord and we will miss out on the sweet blessings of surrender.
In my journey of learning to surrender, these are some of my favorites verses:
“For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.”
-Psalm 84:10-11
These verses remind me of two wonderful truths. First, that we already have our greatest good in Jesus. If in any loss we come to know our Lord better and come to love the truth of verse 10, we have gained more than words can say. And second, God does not withhold good things from us! We can rest in knowing for some reason the path he is calling us to walk is better than what we would choose for ourselves.
Going back to my story of my own surrender, I find surrender to be a daily exercise. I have to continually lay down my own hopes and dreams, give thanks for everything I do have, and trust that The Lord will supply all my needs. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we will never receive them, just that we leave that up to the Lord! As we do this daily, laying down our greatest desires and trusting the Lord to fulfill them in His way, we will find true joy, rest, peace and contentment. The Lord will shape us more and more in the image of His Son, and our lives will become a beautiful testament to Him.
- Becky
Hope Mom to Isaiah
Becky Kuehl is a joyful follower of Christ, wife to Sam, mommy to three children: Abigail, who is two, Isaiah, who was born into heaven on May 3rd 2015, and she is expecting their third in May 2016. She is a part time home health physical therapist who loves being able to share the love of Christ with people and spending time with her family. She loves being outdoors, camping and reading whenever there is time! You can get to know her more by reading her blog at https://sothatimayknowhim.wordpress.com
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Brittnie
October 27, 2016 (4:11 pm)
Such wisdom. Thank you for these words!