Heather’s Story

My story began long before the births and deaths of my babies. I had always wanted to be a mom. I wanted a big family. I wanted lots of children. Fast forward to married life, and I learned I couldn’t have children without medical intervention. With the use of fertility drugs, a willing husband to give me hundreds of shots, and great doctors, I became a mom to my firstborn, Claire. Life was fabulous. We decided to try 6 months later. It was a “breeze” the first time, so how hard could it really be? I was so very naive.

It was very hard to get pregnant the second time. After many attempts at IUI, and many, many more shots, I finally became pregnant in April of 2010. It was on my husband’s birthday that we went in for an IUI. It turned out to be successful. Very successful. We went in for our first checkup at 7 weeks and the doctor was speechless. There were 7 sacs, 6 babies, and 5 heartbeats. I sobbed. I was scared. I was in shock. I was scared. I was elated. I was scared. The doctor had told us she had only seen one other case in all her years practicing in which this had ever happened. Not very comforting. We went to our car and prayed. Our daughter at home was only 11 months old.

That was the beginning of our journey and the beginning of a faith and trust we’d never had before. We went back to the doctor every week for the next 2 weeks, and each week we found out that another baby’s heartbeat stopped. At week 9, we had 3 heartbeats. All strong. At week 10, we still had 3 strong heartbeats. We were so excited by this point. We “graduated” from the fertility doctor and chose a high-risk ob-gyn for our pregnancy. We went in at week 11 with 3 strong hearts still beating and the doctor was hopeful and said he expected a “normal” pregnancy—and was going to treat it as such. We wouldn’t need to be seen again for another 4 weeks!

I remember having an appointment on the Friday of our 15th week. The Tuesday before our appointment, my husband was working nights. I had put our 13-month-old daughter to bed and went downstairs to relax. I was already getting pretty big and was exhausted. My daughter woke up crying around 10pm and I remember standing over her crib, about to pick her up, and I just gushed. I hadn’t even thought I needed to use the bathroom! I was so frustrated and so was my daughter because I wasn’t picking her up. I quickly cleaned myself up and soaked up the spot on the carpet, and rocked my daughter back to sleep.

I went back downstairs to text my best friend because I still couldn’t believe what had just happened. I remember her text back….”are you sure your water didn’t break?” What? I didn’t think that was possible. I was only just over 14 weeks pregnant! I convinced myself it couldn’t be possible and went to sleep that night. The next morning, I called my doctor first thing to get an appointment to make sure. They had me come right in and did a litmus test and told me it was negative for fluid and that carrying multiples puts a lot of pressure on the bladder. So, it’s quite possible this might happen without feeling any urge to need to use the bathroom. I was mortified! I thought I’d have to wear diapers the remainder of the pregnancy! If this could happen at 14 weeks, what would happen at 37 weeks?!

I went home and came back for my routine appointment later that week. They did an ultrasound and confirmed my worst nightmare. My water with Baby A had broken. That was a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from, and more was ahead.

There was a lot of talk about infection, terminating the pregnancy, etc,.. I didn’t hear much. I don’t remember much. I wasn’t allowed to walk much, I wasn’t allowed to lift anything—not even a milk jug. I remember we said that we trust in a living God and that termination wasn’t an option for us. We knew God could heal the sac and give a great chance to Baby A of surviving. Without the sac, the lungs wouldn’t develop, and the baby wouldn’t develop. Baby A wouldn’t live.

We went back each week to check on the babies and myself. Baby A continued to have no fluid. We determined the sex of Baby B to be a girl, and Baby C to be a boy. Baby A’s sex was unknown because of the lack of fluid. We knew right away Baby C would be named after my husband, Anthony Thomas Jr. We couldn’t agree on a girl name for Baby B, and we decided Baby A would be Natalie Jane if a girl, and Nathan Richard if a boy. Week by week, Baby A defied the odds and grew, albeit slower than the others. But Baby A grew. There were no signs of infection.

Tuesday of week 21, I went in for a check-up and ultrasound. Everything looked the same as each previous week. We were instructed that at week 24, we would begin shots to strengthen the lungs of the babies, as we would probably deliver soon after instead of waiting until week 37 like our original plan. The doctor had called the NICU at the hospital where we were to deliver to give them the run-down of our plan and to give them our information so that we could set up a tour of the facility. Things were getting real. We had started to set up the nursery for all 3 babies, even though the doctors continued to tell us there was no way Baby A would survive.

That Saturday, just 2 days shy of 22 weeks, I was going to the bathroom and about to get in the shower. It was 12:30pm. I looked down and there was Baby A’s cord hanging out of me. I screamed. I ran to the top of the stairs for my husband to call 911. The ambulance took us to the hospital trying to keep all pressure off the cord. When we arrived, the doctor I had always wanted to deliver the triplets (but originally couldn’t because she wasn’t a high-risk doctor) was there. She immediately took me and determined, due to the pressure on the cord, Baby A’s heart had stopped beating while en route to the hospital. I sobbed. My husband sobbed.

The doctor informed us that because of Baby A’s cord having prolapsed, there was a walkway of bacteria right into my uterus. I could see if I would wait another 10 days on heavy duty antibiotics to deliver my babies and give Baby B and Baby C a chance at survival. If things started to go south, we would just have to deliver. We wanted to wait, but it didn’t take long for them to determine my temperature was skyrocketing and I was going septic. I had to deliver.

We started the process of induction at 7:30pm that night. At 7:27am on Sunday, August 28, 2011, my son Nathan Richard was born still. At 9.5 inches and 11 oz, his sweet, sweet body was born while his spirit was in heaven with Jesus. Baby B, Malia Elizabeth, quickly came after at 7:32am, measuring 10 inches and 14.25 oz. Baby A, Anthony Thomas Jr came along after her at 7:46am, measuring 10.5 inches and 1lb 2oz. Malia and Anthony were born alive. They each lived for around an hour and a half.

My husband held them. All 3 of them. We sang to them, talked to them, and prayed over them. We covered their faces and bodies with kisses. We spent their entire lives holding them. I had to be removed for surgery, as my placenta’s wouldn’t deliver and I was very sick. We returned to our hospital room and our children spent the night with us. Even though I knew our babies’ spirits were in heaven and it was their empty shells, it just felt right to have them with us in the hospital room.

Going home without my children was the most painful, hardest, worst thing I’ve ever had to walk through. One week later, I forced myself to go to church. I needed to surround myself in His Word because I knew that was the only thing that would comfort my heart when my children weren’t on this earth with me. As I sat there weeping, the song “Never Once,” by Matt Redman was sung (see the lyrics below). And it was never truer to me. Not once did I walk alone. He was always faithful. He walked every step of our journey with us and He was the first One my children saw when they opened their eyes. He still walks every step of this journey with us as we walk this earth with our children missing from our arms.

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

My husband and I went on to have another child after our loss, and I couldn’t imagine life without my son. He was born in 2013 and has brought such joy to our family. Every day we miss Nathan, Malia, Anthony and our three babies in heaven we lost very early in our pregnancy, but I have such a peace that they are where it’s so much better. I can’t wait to spend eternity with them someday and kiss their sweet faces again. Until that day, I will never walk alone. I know this for sure.

– Heather

Hope Mom to Nathan Richard, Malia Elizabeth, Anthony Thomas Jr., and three precious babies

 

Hope Mommies would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. Learn more about submitting your story:



 

 

---

Widget not in any sidebars

---