Turning My Gaze to the Lord

I was sitting in the airport waiting to fly home after a weekend away. It was rainy and cold and overcast. As I sat there watching dark clouds continually roll in, I couldn’t help but think that so often that’s what pain looks like. If I could paint a picture of my heart in the weeks that immediately followed my losses, I would illustrate this sorrow with storm clouds. Even on the clearest of days I often found myself in the middle of a downpour. Even when I was surrounded by laughter and joy and hope it could so quickly turn into a tempest. Some days it just seemed like the storm clouds of sorrow rushed in out of nowhere.

I still had two hours to wait until I would board my plane, so I took out my Bible and began to read through Psalms. As I was reading, one phrase kept demanding my attention over and over again…

“Then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all Your commandments.”
Psalm 119:6

“I will meditate on Your precepts and fix my eyes on Your ways.”
Psalm 119:15

“But my eyes are fixed on You, Sovereign Lord; in You I take refuge…”
Psalm 141:8 (NIV)

Fix your eyes.
Fix: to direct one’s eyes, attention, or mind steadily or unwaveringly toward something.

I don’t often think of what it actually looks like for me to fix my eyes on the Lord or His Word. In fact, in this fast-pace, instantly-gratified, never-satisfied, always-seeking-what’s-next culture that I’m immersed in, I find it difficult to fix myself on anything. There are always innumerable pursuits that are pulling for my attention. It’s always easier to let my eyes wander toward whatever is before them at the moment. And yet, every time I submit my focus on anything other than the Lord I find myself stretched thin and overwhelmed by all of life’s circumstances. This is no way to live.

“The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply.”
Psalm 16:4

Rather, than allow my eyes to drift toward whatever the world is promoting—chasing after other gods—I ought to turn my gaze to the Lord. For it is only in the Lord that hope, joy and peace can be found in the middle of heartache and loss. In keeping my eyes steadily on the Lord—more than just occasionally acknowledging Him—I find that I am being strengthened and equipped to weather these storms.

Over the years of walking through the loss of two of my children, I have begun to see that every single one of life’s aches provides an opening for us to live in greater nearness to the Lord—our refuge in the storm.

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in You my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.”
Psalm 57:1

Sorrow is an opportunity.

Sorrow invites us to fix our eyes on the only One whose voice can calm the storm.

It was at the sound of His voice that the wind and rain found their existence.  It is His voice that “makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth wind from His storehouses.” (Psalm 135:6) It was His voice that calmed the storm at sea all those years ago as He called out, “Peace! Be still!” And it is His voice that “even the winds and the waves obey.” (Mark 4:39,41)

I know that same voice can calm any storm that washes over me.

A short while later, after my plane took off, I was struck with awe as we suddenly broke through the heaviness of the storm that had just moments before been covering the city with its heavy, forbearing shadow. The sun was shining brilliantly. I could feel its warmth through the window, and the cabin was instantly filled with its brightness.

My mind turned back to the verses I had read earlier that afternoon. This is what it looks like to fix your eyes on the Lord: to see His presence shine even on the darkest of days. By turning my gaze to Christ, by looking up and seeing Him in the sorrow, I am able to see that somewhere, above the storms, the Light never stops shining. My God, who is Most High, is not overshadowed by the storms of this world. In fact, these storms become the canvas upon which His eternal glory is so clearly and beautifully seen.

And even though God does not always choose to calm my storms or remove them, He offers me His perfect peace in the midst of them when my eyes are upon Him.

“You will keep in perfect peace
all who trust in you,
all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”
Isaiah 26:3 (NLT)

And so day after day I will fix my eyes on Him, because I know that just as that plane took me higher than the reach of the storm, so my God is able to carry me above the storms of life where His eternal light never fails.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV)

Ashlee is the Editorial Coordinator for Hope Mommies and author of I AM (Hope Mommies, 2017) and Identity (Hope Mommies, 2018). She and her husband, Jesse, live in Milwaukee with their children—five on earth and two in heaven.

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