The Gift of Simeon and Odelle
As we consider the profound impact that our Hope Babies have had on our lives, we can be filled with gratitude toward them, and toward the Lord. In this series, we reflect on some of the ways that we can say “thank you” to our precious babe(s) for the gifts that they have been and continue to be to us. We welcome you to contribute to this series by writing your own reflection on the impact your baby(ies) has had on your life and submitting it HERE.
My dear children,
Not a day goes by that I do not think of you and thank God for the gift of your precious lives. Through your short lives on earth and the lessons that I have learned through the agony of losing you, God has been teaching my heart to sing in ways that I would not be capable of without having known this sorrow.
“He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.”
-Psalm 40:3a
As I have become more intensely gripped by His greatness, so has my mouth broken forth in praise to our God in exceeding measure. You going home to be with the Lord was a greater gift than you coming home with me.
Don’t get me wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I have longed to hold you in my arms again, to smell the sweetness of your breath, and have the sound of your voices fill our home. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by since I had to say goodbye that I have not missed you both greatly.
But as much as I desire to be with you, I would not choose to change what God has done in my life. Your absence has been filled with a greater sense of His presence. I have continued to know and experience the Lord in deeper and more meaningful ways as I have walked this road of grief, and I would not give up the knowing of this new song that has been placed in my heart. Because as dear as you both are and always will be to me, He must be dearer still.
My little ones, I can say with sincerity that I have greater joy now than I did five years ago. And since you are no stranger to the joys that are found in God’s perfect presence I know you both will agree with me. Thank you for drawing me closer to the Father.
I’ve seen that just as the ground must be broken before you can build upon it, my life must be broken before I can be fully molded into the likeness of His Son. I have felt that brokenness day after day. But these years without you in my arms have not been all brokenness. God has used this sorrow to plow the depths of my soul and reveal a greater capacity to serve Him and love others. This sorrow has plunged deep into my heart, stirring up the soil so that it may yield richer harvests than it had previously been able to bear. I am more like Jesus because of you, my dears.
Although this process has been excruciating, I find great comfort knowing that the Gardener stops pruning and weeding around the vine only when He no longer expects anything from it. Your lives have been used to teach me so much, my sweet ones. And I know that I am not done learning, changing, growing, because I am still being pruned day by day. Thank you for making the soil of my heart ripe for new growth.
There has been a beauty spreading it’s silver lining throughout the storm. I love more deeply, praise more fervently, serve more passionately, extend comfort more readily, and trust more faithfully because of the profound impact you have had on my life. As I thank God for you each day, my heart is drawn heavenward, and I think about the future we will soon share in the presence of our King—for this life on earth is but a mist. What a glorious reunion that will be—I can almost taste the pure joy that is to come when every tear will be dried, every knee will bow, and we will together go before the throne in praise of the One who is worthy of all glory and honor.
Someday, someday when these weary arms can finally hold you, I will be able to tell you that this painful journey was worth it all. I am so proud to be your momma. Seeing how your lives continually point others to the hope we have in Christ is a treasure indeed. Someday soon, my sweet ones.
I love you with all of my love.
- Ashlee
Hope Mom to Simeon and Odelle
Ashlee is the Editorial Coordinator for Hope Mommies and author of I AM (Hope Mommies, 2017) and Identity (Hope Mommies, 2018). She and her husband, Jesse, live in Milwaukee with their children—five on earth and two in heaven.
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