The Gift of Noah and Isabelle
As we consider the profound impact that our Hope Babies have had on our lives, we can be filled with gratitude toward them, and toward the Lord. In this series, we reflect on some of the ways that we can say “thank you” to our precious babe(s) for the gifts that they have been and continue to be to us. We welcome you to contribute to this series by writing your own reflection on the impact your baby(ies) has had on your life and submitting it HERE.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mother. God, in His loving wisdom, did not bring that deep desire to fruition until I was twenty-seven years old. I longed for and prayed for a husband for many years as a teenager and woman in her twenties. When I finally got married at twenty-seven, I could not wait to also try for a baby.
When the pregnancy test first turned positive, I started shaking with excitement, and soon the tears flowed. I was so very thankful! Then, to my absolute horror, I miscarried our first baby just a few short weeks later. We live in a society that tells us babies born before a certain age are not human or are not exactly what they are—babies. I struggled with coming to terms with this loss. My first child, who we named Noah, had died, and with him, it seemed like my dreams of being a mother died too.
A few short weeks after losing Noah, I realized I was pregnant again. This time, I carried my daughter, Isabelle, to full term. I went into labor naturally and was so excited to see her face to face and hold her in my arms soon. Quickly, however, I began having complications and after an emergency c-section, I woke up to hear my daughter was dying. She passed away the next evening. Again, it seemed like my dreams of motherhood would never be.
However, my feelings were unfounded and untrue. I am a mother. I have been since that very first pregnancy test turned positive, and there is so much to be thankful for. God gave me the desires of my heart. He made me a mother. My motherhood just looks different than I expected, and I have had to adjust my expectations as a result. It has not always been easy, but it is important to remember that my view of God and my will must align with the truth He has given us in His word. If my views differ from what the Bible says, then I must change—not God.
And what does the Bible tell me? It says to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I will be honest, there have been many times since the death of my two children where I have thought that this verse no longer applies to me. How can I be thankful my children have died? Instead, I am learning to be so thankful that they lived! My children are both sweet gifts from the Lord, and while I did not get to keep them as long as I wanted to, I can still thank them for making a profound impact on me.
I think one of the most beautiful things about motherhood is getting to experience life growing inside of you. And let’s be honest—it is not always easy or glamorous. We are naturally very selfish beings, and pregnancy forces you to think about the well-being of another person before yourself. My sweet children have shown me that even though I am extremely selfish, God is faithful to give me, and other mothers, the desire to put our children’s safety and well-being above our own. Through my children, I have learned to die to self in a way I did not know before. For that, I am so grateful.
There are so many other reasons to say thank you to my precious children, but I will only list a few more. I am thankful for the memories—even the hard ones. I am thankful for the time I had with each of them even, though no amount of time will ever feel like enough. I am thankful their lives gave me this precious gift of motherhood, and I am thankful that their lives and their deaths have pointed me to Christ in ways I never expected.
I remember after Isabelle died. I started writing a blog to process everything that was happening. I have long loved to write, but after being in school for so long, I had lost the desire. Suddenly, I wanted to write again, because doing so helped point me to Christ. I would lament and suddenly God would remind me of His faithfulness and love. Soon, that cry to God became one of thanksgiving and worship. Sometimes, it takes me a long time to get to that place of thankfulness, but I do eventually get there because of these precious gifts He has given.
First of all, God has already given me the greatest gift in Christ. Then, He gave me two beautiful children who I hold in my heart. They may not be here with me now, but their precious lives remind me daily that this life is not the end. One day I will be face to face with Christ in heaven, and as if that were not enough, I will see my children as well. Their deaths have humbled me and brought to my knees before God, because I cannot survive this pain without Him. They have made me rely on Him as never before, and I am thankful.
After losing Isabelle, I said that I would do it all again, even after knowing she wouldn’t make it very long after birth. I still mean that wholeheartedly, because the nine months she grew inside me, and the two days I held her in my arms, were more than worth it. She and Noah have taught me that each day is a gift and that life is a gift. They have taught me to praise God for giving me Himself, and they have taught me that God alone is enough.
So, in conclusion, I would like to say thank you to my babies. Noah and Isabelle, thank you for making me your mama. Thank you for teaching me more about God and His faithfulness. Thank you, my precious babies, for the time we had together. It will be a beautiful day when I see you again. Until then, I will praise God for your lives, and I wait in hope for what God will teach me through you both next.
- Ravyn Canale
Hope mom to Noah and Isabelle
Ravyn is married to Anthony, and together they have three children: Noah, Isabelle, and Micah. Ravyn is a teacher and loves reading, writing, and hiking.
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