The Gift of Max
As we consider the profound impact that our Hope Babies have had on our lives, we can be filled with gratitude toward them, and toward the Lord. In this series, we reflect on some of the ways that we can say “thank you” to our precious babe(s) for the gifts that they have been and continue to be to us. We welcome you to contribute to this series by writing your own reflection on the impact your baby(ies) has had on your life and submitting it HERE.
My sweet Max,
You changed everything. You were light in the dark after the early loss of our first baby shattered us. Learning that you existed was the sweetest gift. And somehow, despite the unexpected loss your older sibling, the minute I saw those two lines, I knew in my bones that you were really coming and that you would change everything.
And you sure did. First came the call that changed our world. You had Down syndrome. I told my midwife at the beginning of that call that I didn’t want to know if you were a boy or a girl; I wanted to find out with your dad the next day at my appointment. But when I heard that news, I needed to know. I needed you to be a person. A real person. Not just Down syndrome. A boy. You were a boy. My boy. My son. My son who had Down syndrome.
This news sent our heads reeling. But it also set my heart on fire. You see, God had put a stirring in my heart long ago—a special passion for people with special needs, people the world tended to disregard. When I called your grandma to tell her the news, do you know what she said? She told me, “Well of course he does. This isn’t surprising to me at all. You have so much room in your heart for an extra chromosome. I know I should probably feel sad, but I don’t. At all.”
Hearing her say that made me realize that I didn’t feel sad either. And looking at the ways God had moved in my life leading up to you, I’m also not surprised. Like I said, I’d always been drawn to people like you. In college, your nerdy, English-major mother decided to take a genetics class just for fun. For my final in that class, I had the option to write a paper on the morality of any issue in the field of genetics. So at 19 years old, I chose to write a paper examining the ethical considerations of “therapeutic abortion” for prenatal diagnoses of Down syndrome. You read that correctly. Eight years before you existed, God urged me to consider, from a completely objective perspective, whether or not your life was worth living.
So, when faced the reality of raising a child with Down syndrome, I knew in my bones, with no doubt in my mind, that you, my dear, were perfect. Your life was valuable. And your life would change our lives.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 135:13-16 (NIV)
You, my sweet boy, were knit together perfectly. Not a single chromosome was out of place. But oh! How I wish you had more days here. I got 182 days to carry you, 30 minutes of life beside you, and 12 hours to hold you. It’s now been 1067 days since we met and said goodbye in the same breath. And each of those days has been ordained by God and marked by you.
Because of you, I love your daddy in ways I could have never known possible. Because of you, I hold your little brother and sister more tightly, but also more loosely. Because of you, my expectations and dreams for them are different. Because of you, I know with all my being that God is good all the time. Because of you, I get to share God’s heart and mine toward other mamas who are grieving. Because of you, I get to serve the Down syndrome community here in Dallas. Because of you, people have been introduced to Jesus.
You changed things, kid, in the best ways possible. And one day, God will change everything.
“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:3-5 (NIV)
He will make all things new. He will erase and conquer death. Everything will change. And I’ll see you again.
Until that day, I’ll faithfully wait and work and thank God every day for the way you changed us.
- Sam
Hope Mom to Max and Baby Martin
Sam is a graphic designer and marketing professional in Frisco, Texas. She and her husband, Spencer, have been married since 2011, and have two children in heaven, Baby Martin (Jan 2016) and Max (Dec 2016), and two in their arms, Lachlan (Dec 2017) and Meryn (Aug 2019). They enjoy serving in their church, building community, and restoring their 100 year-old home. Sam is in two book clubs and can always be found with a book in her purse and a warm beverage in her hand.
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