Why Do I Run From You?

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?” —Psalm 139:7 In the raw ache of grief, I’ve asked this more than once: “Why do I run from You, Lord, when You’re the only one who understands me?” It doesn’t make sense on paper. God is my refuge, my comfort, my healer. I know this. I’ve sung it in church, I’ve whispered it in the dark, and yet, when the pain crashed in—when my arms felt empty and my heart shattered—I didn’t fall into His. I pulled away. In those raw and early days of grief, instead of leaning into His presence, I often retreated. I numbed. I avoided. I distracted myself ...