Gentle Ideas to Help Your Prayer Life in Grief
This month I cover various topics on prayer. Many of them were inspired by ideas found in a little-known book on prayer, Long Wandering Prayer by David Hansen. It has become a new favorite.
Prayer can be a tricky and difficult thing for all of us even when we aren’t in a season of grief. A gifted British preacher, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, once said, “everything we do in the Christian life is easier than prayer.” Adding the loss of a baby can make prayer feel absolutely unreachable.
For me, in the months after William went to Heaven, prayer was next to impossible: I wasn’t sure how I felt about God and didn’t really want to talk to Him, but I also didn’t want to stop praying.
Maybe you are struggling with anger at God, like I was. Or maybe you feel very close to God, and find it hard to pray, still. Or you feel numb and just don’t really care to pray. Maybe you’ve never prayed before and want to, but don’t know how. What do we do?
Pray like you can, not like you can’t.
Prayer doesn’t have to look a certain way. Prayer during grief may look very different than your prayer life before your loss, because you are different than before your loss.
Sometimes in our heart-wrenching pain all we can “pray” are groans before the Lord. These utterances are prayer at its grittiest level, and are absolutely acknowledged by God: The Spirit of God knows what is in your heart and brings it before God the Father (Romans 8:26).
Sometimes short “breath” prayers are all we are capable of: “Jesus, help me.” “Jesus, I hurt.” “Jesus, be my Shepherd.” Our God receives these as a loving parent receives the simple, honest laments of a hurting child and knows exactly what they mean. (Ps 23:1, Mt 15:25, Mk 10:47).
Other times, it seems that all logic has left the building and the only thing we can offer to God are our intensified emotions– rage, sorrow, cynicism and disgust. He also receives these, because He understands where they are coming from. Many saints who have gone before us have talked to God out of their strong feelings (Ex 5:22-23, Ps 6, Ps 73, Ps 88).
Conversely, other times all we want from God is logic and reason, so we batter Him with question after question (Num 11:11, Ps 10:1, Ps 13).
God receives it all, and you will be strengthened if you keep pressing in, however you can. If you are finding grief has you stuck in your prayer life, here are some other ways to engage:
- Use Scripture as a guide. Pray the very Word of God back to him. Some good places to start are the Psalms of lament (Ps 3, 22, 25, 31, 86).
- Use a prayer journal, writing out your prayers; our brains process differently and can be more focused when we are writing.
- Go for a walk and converse with God as if He were walking next to you; being in God’s creation can stir the soul in new ways (Mt 6:25-34).
- Have a friend pray over you; the prayers of others can awaken our own hearts’ ability to pray and invite us into the company of God when it’s hard to go there ourselves (James 5:16; Gal 6:2).
- Listen to Christian music and allow your soul to rest in the truths sung; find comfort in the many historic hymns that were written out of tragedy (“It Is Well With My Soul”, “All The Way My Savior Leads Me”, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”). As you listen, respond back to God as you are led.
Try out some of these ideas. See what fits, what feels accessible. Be as sincere and honest as you are able. God knows everything about you, everything you are experiencing, and is able to hold it all.
And, of course, I am praying for you. Your Hope Mommies team is here for you. Let us know how we can help and honor you.
– Kelly
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