Streams in the Desert: 2020 Retreats

I’m from the Pacific Northwest, and if this area of the country is known for anything, it’s rain.  Yet, in 2006 my husband and I were living in Southern California for a short time, and they were in a drought. It was my first encounter with a real drought; there were limited water supplies, and the earth was parched. There were water restrictions placed on households by the city, and I remember thinking, “If only it would rain”.  

Fast forward four years to the stillbirth of my daughter. I was back living in the Pacific North West, and though the physical earth wasn’t in a drought, my soul was. Everything within me felt dry and rocky—like a wasteland. I wondered where the fruit had gone. There was no proof of life. I was dry, parched, and barren. Again, I remember thinking, “If only it would rain”.

 “Behold, I am about to do something new;
even now it is coming. Do you not see it?
Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness 
and streams in the desert.” 
Isaiah 43:19

Few things are harder than giving praise in the desert, and this personal desert I was experiencing was harsher than any drought conditions I had previously seen with my eyes. My daughter’s body was in the ground, and her soul was in the presence of Christ. Over time, that has become increasingly comforting to me, but early on, I was only filled with a deep sense of missing her. I longed to see her smile, smell her skin, hear her cry, and hold her close. The confidence of heaven—though true and right—just didn’t fix all of this immediately.  

It was hard to reconcile the truth my mind knew to the crushing heartache I was experiencing. I needed time to lament. I didn’t need to be in a rush to come to peace and acceptance with my daughter’s death, but amid this grief, I did have a choice to make. I could either run away and hide with the sorrow I was feeling, or I could choose to run toward Him and be comforted.  

Jesus was the Man of Sorrows; He was well-acquainted with grief. In the garden, He asked if there were any other way for the Father’s will to be accomplished, and when there wasn’t, He surrendered. As He went to the cross, He was looking ahead to m—praying for me to be sanctified by the truth of His Word. Before I knew Him, He knew me, He loved me.

He was not surprised by my daughter’s death nor my reaction to it. He bent low to me in my grief, and as I looked up and pursued Him through His Word, there was real, deep, life-changing, and healing comfort to be claimed, and I knew that I could surrender, just as He had, because God’s ways are good and best, and He alone can bring life from what is dead.   

Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks 
from this water will get thirsty again. 
But whoever drinks from the water
that I will give him will never get thirsty again. 
In fact, the water I will give him
will become a well of water 
springing up in him for eternal life.” 
John 4:13-14

I chose to stay close and wrestle with some big questions. What is God doing in the world? Why is there death? Where am I headed? On what basis can I have any confidence that my daughter is with Him? What hope do I have to see her again? These kinds of questions required serious study, and every minute of it has been (and still is) meaningful and helpful in posturing my heart to praise Him, even in the desert—when the healing hasn’t come and when all that is within me feels dry.  

But He said to me, 
“My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is perfected 
in weakness.” Therefore, I will 
most gladly boast all the more 
about my weaknesses, so that 
Christ’s power may reside in me. 
2 Corinthians 12:9

Jesus is enough. Jesus is my rock of refuge, my healer, my source of strength, my deliverance, and my rescue in this. I keep looking up. I keep longing for His water that brings life. I keep trusting that He has all of this in His hands. I keep praying to have eyes that see His streams in the desert places of my heart. 

Because death lost its sting when Jesus conquered it through His resurrection, I can endure this long season of drought and grief, confidently awaiting heaven, because He is faithful to complete what He began. He has promised that He is making all things new, and each day that He provides healing rains and streams in the desert, I can see new life emerging. Come Lord Jesus.     

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes.
There will be no more death’ or mourning 
or crying or pain, for the old order 
of things has passed away.” 
He who was seated on the throne said, 
“I am making everything new!”
Then He said, 
“Write this down, for 
these words are trustworthy and true.” 
He said to me:
“It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, 
the Beginning and the End. 
To the thirsty I will give water without
cost from the spring of the water of life.
Revelation 21:4-6

Are you in a desert season after the death of your beloved baby? Does your soul feel dry? Do you choose to run to Him and be held? Do you yearn for Jesus to come and make things new? We would LOVE for you to come spend a weekend with us in 2020! You don’t have to be ashamed to come broken, angry, hurting, bewildered, nervous, or healing—we want you as you are. We want to hear your story—and not the summed up or detached version we Hope Moms so often share with others—but rather the long and heartfelt story of your baby and your grief, because you are safe to be your baby’s mom with us. In fact, that’s what we want most for you! We want to provide you with space away from your everyday life where you can just be your baby’s mom and breathe. It is our great prayer that you would find rest, connect with the Lord, make friends, and be anchored to the compassion and healing that Christ offers to those who suffer. You are loved, Hope Mama, and we can’t wait to meet you!   

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Hope Mommies is offering two retreats in 2020:
March 13-15 and October 16-18  
Registration is now open. Find out more HERE

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Jennie is the Executive Director for Hope Mommies.  She and her husband Brian live in Washington State and have four precious children together— Trenton who is 11, Paige who has been in Heaven with Jesus since August 2, 2010, Mason who is 6, and Cora Jane who they just welcomed to their family on June 13, 2018.  On an average day you can find her in jeans and a t-shirt, drinking tea, and dancing to worship music in the kitchen with her kiddos.  She loves the beach, going to the movies, taking a walk with no particular destination, peanut M&M’s, and listening to a good podcast.  She adores being a new creation in Christ and prays she reflects Him well on this earth.

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