Stephanie’s Story

When I became pregnant with our second child,  we had no idea anything was wrong. It wasn’t until we had our 20 week ultrasound to find out the gender that we learned there were problems. After several ultrasounds and being referred to a specialist, we found out that our baby had clubbed feet, joint contractures in her hands, and a problem with her brain. We were given no guarantees about what her outcome would be. Two weeks later, I was put on bedrest due to low amniotic fluid.

On December 21, 2010, At 27 and a half weeks, Kinley Peyton Blanks came into this world. She was 2lbs and 12 inches long. Our hope was that after a few months in the NICU, we’d be able to take our little girl home.

I remember my husband, Matt, and I standing before our church while Kinley was in the NICU. We shared her story. We had hope in the darkest of circumstances. We hoped for a miracle. We prayed for a miracle. But God did not grant us that miracle.  An MRI was done which identified a brain malformation. Kinley would never breathe on her own. Kinley would not live.
After 44 days in this world, our daughter returned to her heavenly Father.

We were devastated. I didn’t understand why God chose not to heal our daughter. I was heartbroken and angry. He could have healed her. He could have intervened. There were two things that our former youth pastor told us during this time, and I have no doubt God used him to deliver this message to me. The first was that it’s okay to be mad. Just don’t stay mad. The second was to make sure our faith was not in the miracle but in the Miracle Worker.

Those two things hit me hard. Up until this point, I had never had anything really bad happen to me. It was easy to serve God when my circumstances were good. But now I was crushed and God didn’t seem good. I was at a crossroads and had a choice to make. God was either still God for me, or He wasn’t. Would I place my faith and my hope in my circumstances or in Christ? Would I choose despair, or would I allow my Father to carry me?

I chose Him. How could I not?  He had already chosen me.

I had trouble speaking to Him at first, but the Spirit interceded for me. I didn’t know how I could survive this hurt, but the Lord had other moms reach out to me that had endured the loss of a child. He loved on me through our family, our friends, and our church. He etched His promises on my heart through His holy Word.

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble.
But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

-John 16:33
God comforted me in my sorrow, gave me peace in letting go of Kinley, and reminded me of the glorious reunion that awaits me with my daughter. He gave me hope.

One of the many things I love about God is how He doesn’t end our stories with death. One year and 11 days after losing Kinley, I walked out of that same hospital again. Except this time, my arms weren’t empty. They were holding our third child, Levi Clif Blanks. Then, two years later, I was able to get the pink box out of storage. The one that had the butterfly bedding that had been packed away unused. The walls in the nursery that had been painted over would once again be able to display soft lavender. Because I had gotten the call. The call that told me our fourth and final baby was healthy and that she was a girl.

Hope in the darkest circumstances. Hope not in the miracle but in the Miracle Worker. Hope that God is not finished writing your story.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”
-Lamentations 3:22-24

- Stephanie

Hope Mom to Kinley

Stephanie Blanks is an elementary school teacher turned stay-at-home mom. She is married to Matt and has four children: Lyston (7), Kinley (who went home to Jesus in 2011), Levi (4), and Leighton (2). Stephanie enjoys singing in her church praise band, running, reading, and spending time with her family.


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