Lindsey’s Story

After just 6 months of marriage my husband and I were overjoyed to find out we were pregnant with our first child only to discover 3 months later that our little girl, Sophia Kyla, had a fatal neural tube condition called anencephaly and would not live once born. When 95% of babies diagnosed with a fatal condition are terminated, we were determined to carry her to term and celebrate every moment of her life no matter the cost. As Sophie’s story began to unfold, our community rallied around us to help us celebrate Sophie’s short life.  Unbeknownst to Kevin and I, a secret Facebook page had been created for our friends to help us celebrate each week of life God was giving Sophie in my womb. I chronicled our journey of celebration, hope, joy, sorrow and faith on my blog that, much to my surprise, captivated the hearts of hundreds of thousands of people around the world.  Sophie was born on September 1, 2013 and lived for 10 of the most precious hours of our lives, surrounded and celebrated by our friends and family.

Eight months after we said goodbye to Sophie and thought we were coming out of a season of sorrow and into one of greater joy we discovered, much to our shock, that the 2^nd daughter we were carrying was diagnosed with acrania, a different condition, yet with the same outcome as Sophie.  We began to walk a journey with our 2^nd daughter where the cloud of sadness and the depth of pain was palpable.  The places where God had built greater hope and joy in our time with Sophie now needed to be rooted more deeply in a hope that was truly based not on our circumstances but on our God who is Lord over every circumstance. I guess we thought that had already happened but then the ball dropped twice and so we found ourselves with questions that weren’t there before and a realization that much of our hope had been in our future circumstances. Who is this God who would allow this to happen twice?  Where is He in the dark night of the soul?  Where is He in the loneliness of grief? These were all questions that we wrestled deeply with, and as we wrestled, God answered and began to show us more of His character and goodness then we had ever known. Our prayers moved from ones of physical healing for Dasah to ones of petitioning before God that He would simply be glorified beyond what we could imagine through her life and ours.

Dasah Brielle was born on November 13, 2014 and lived for a sweet 12 hours.  We treasured our time with Dasah and watched as God answered our prayers through the days leading up to her birth and beyond. Our journey through loss and grief, joy and celebration has been a winding road. But God has been ever faithful and He has taken what is broken and made something new and beautiful out of our pain. Our eyes have been forced to look beyond our circumstances, beyond what we can control, and beyond our hopes and dreams to the One who is working for good in the midst of the hard, to the One who is in more control than we could ever dream, to the One who carries and offers the kind of hope that doesn’t disappoint.  It’s the kind of Hope that Paul speaks of in Romans 5 that is built through the suffering that produces endurance, the endurance that produces character, and this character that produces hope, the kind of hope that does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

We have become convinced that God is working in us and through us something greater then what our eyes can see. That with eyes fixed on eternity “so we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).  A conviction of these truths and a hope that extends beyond what this world offers or what we hope for in this life has not come without much wrestling and pain. But we have found that the kind of hope that doesn’t disappoint is found when we press into our pain, when we bring our brokenness before the Lord and others and allow Him to meet us there and then change us.  And He has certainly changed us through the short lives of our two precious daughters and we are forever grateful for the ways He has written His love more firmly, more deeply, more steadfast on our hearts.

As we stepped into our journey with Sophie over 3 years ago, we could not have dreamed that we would be able to declare with such conviction the goodness of God in the midst of such pain.  But this is what God does, He breathes life into the places that have died, He restores, He redeems and what He has done in our hearts is such a small taste of the full redemption that is coming when Jesus returns to make all things new.  And we ache and long and wait with eager anticipation for that day.

– Lindsey

Hope Mom to Sophie and Dasah

 

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog! Every Saturday we feature a Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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