Jessica’s Story

“We began trying for children 6 years ago in October 2009. Due to a rare genetic disorder my husband carried we anticipated loss because of family history. From May 2010-February 2012 we experienced 3 losses. They were all 3-6 week losses and no heartbeats. We kept trusting the Lord even though it was really hard. I had to battle a lot of bitter feelings because I had friends getting pregnant left and right. It was a challenging time because, while we knew what the Bible says about the faithfulness of God, we were not seeing our prayers answered in ways we expected.

We tried fertility doctors, seeking further answers, but we’re just met with more uncertainty. Everyone who spoke with us heard what my husband had and wrote our issues off with that and had very few options for us. After taking a break and trusting in Gods provision, we experienced our 4th loss. The Lord used this pregnancy to bring us closer together in our marriage and in Him.

After this time we seriously looked long and hard for “the best doctor in town” and we were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. Abigail Jewel was our first heartbeat after 4 1/2 years of nothing. It was joyous! We did an early genetic test and saw she didn’t have anything my husband had. What could go wrong, right? Around 19 weeks my water broke and at the hospital we found no heartbeat. The “best doctor” just told us these things happen.

Seriously? She was perfectly normal. She’s our 5th miscarriage and these things “just happen”?! We were devastated. It is the worst thing we had ever had to go through. I had come to terms with being joyful for others that got pregnant and to celebrate life because I did not want to be like the enemy and steal joy, but this was the worst thing I had ever experienced. No one should ever have to bury their own children. Yet, through it all, I knew that God was good and I knew that He was faithful because we had so much miraculously provided for us at this time. Our takeaway?

We are not forgotten.

We both had a hard time with the prospect of trying again and told the Lord that He would have to basically come down from heaven and tell us that we were going to try again naturally or we weren’t going to do it at all. Well He did just that. Someone, whom we just met, gave us a word that said go back to the original promise with our children. She didn’t know we had adoption paperwork filled out and we were going to mail them off the next week. We knew exactly what He meant by this word of knowledge, natural children. The first time we stopped preventing we got pregnant. We thought, this is the ticket.

We got a new doctor (again) who came highly recommended by several friends, and she was going to be more proactive in caring for us. She got us on various supplements as a precaution and we went forward with hope. Her first ultrasound though she did not measure correctly and shortly after that we miscarried Joanna Grace. She was about seven weeks along. We didn’t know what the Lord wanted to do from this but we weren’t going to take it for granted. Dr. Rice was willing to do genetic testing on Joanna and myself to find out the root cause. Through a series of blood draws we found out that I have mutation in an enzyme called MTHFR. This mutation severely hinders my ability to process folate well which is important nutritionally for cell and DNA multiplication. We also found out that, like Abby, Joanna was perfectly normal genetically. We started supplementing appropriately for the MTHFR for about a month and were able to get pregnant shortly after that.

It’s been a long road but I’m glad to glad to say our first girl we get to meet in this world was born August, 2015.

While we are unsure of all of the answers and why’s, how’s and such and we will never know them in this life, we are assured of one thing now more than ever, we cannot hope in things on this earth to bring us satisfaction or life, not even the “experts” at life. We do not deserve the breath in our lungs yet we are privileged to live. Our purpose in life is to serve the One who created us and to love Him in every way He desires. He is next to us in every painful moment in this imperfect world and wants to comfort us, if we only chose to allow Him.

In Abby’s service, we had Lamentations 3:16-26 read. It is a beautiful passage and I hope you get a chance to read it but part of it says, “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.” In this season, we are coming out of it more than ever knowing our hope is not based in our dream to have children one day, our financial stability, or even in each other but it is in Him who will be there for us and love us now and forever more.

While we deeply desire children and our journey has brought us much grief, this is not the focus of our lives. We must trust the One who is unchanging, unflinching, and unwavering in His steadfast love toward us and fix our hearts upon Him. The greatest commandment wasn’t written to be a rule, it was meant to be a blessing to draw us into a more secure place with Him and we implore you to challenge yourself in your faith in Jesus to have nothing else above Him in your lives. Ask Him what you are giving your time and energy to and if you are putting it in a place in your life above Him. Listen to what He has to say and obey it. He loves it when we do that!

We are blessed and thankful to welcome our daughter, Alexia Hope, into this world. We are thankful for the journey the Lord has brought us on and hope that through our story we can bring the Hope of Christ to others.”

-Jessica B
Hope Mom to Scribbles, Guppie, Pickles, Bimmer, Abigail Jewel and Joanna Grace

Jessica became a Hope Mom 6 years ago when we started our journey of trusting the Lord with our family. She and her husband have 6 children waiting for them in heaven and know one day they will see them again.
Lam. 3 says “Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends.”

Are you a writer?  Hope Mommies would love to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog.  Every Saturday we will be sharing another Hope Mom’s story in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow.  If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose please send a draft between 800-1200 words to editor (at) hopemommies (dot) org.