Rachel’s Story of Hope

At 20 weeks pregnant, we went to our anatomy scan. We were excited to find out if our baby would be a girl or a boy. We had no idea during our scan that we were about to find out more than just the gender. We were casually told, “It looks like a little girl.” I was so happy!

However, this joy was short lived as the sonographer braced herself to tell us that our baby’s heart did not look like it should, which suggested she had a heart condition. I burst into tears and cried most of that day. But I held on to hope that our baby would be okay.

We knew at that stage that her name was Evangeline, which means “messenger of good news or the gospel.” I began to console myself with reassurance that it would be a minor heart condition which at best would repair itself as she grew or at worst result in heart surgery, but either way, she would be okay. We asked everyone we knew to pray.

A week later, on October 2, 2023 we flew to a MFM clinic in Wellington full of hope. That hope was quickly dashed. We had an over an hour long scan and then we sat in shock as the doctor began listing off about six anomalies that were wrong with our baby. 24 hours later we got the results that our baby had Edward Syndrome, an extra 18th chromosome. We were told that only 5% of babies live beyond a year and our baby was at the severe end. They expected her to pass in my womb or live less than a week. The weeks that followed involved me connecting with support groups and learning everything I could about Edward’s Syndrome. Every appointment bought more bad news. At around 30 weeks pregnant , I was told that the longest our baby could live was two days. My hope changed from getting years with our daughter to just meeting her alive.

At 34 weeks on January 3, 2024, Evangeline was born via c-section. She lived 24 hours and met family and friends. In her short life she only knew love.

While I don’t have years of memories to share, I can share about the profound impact her short but significant life had on mine. Evangeline will forever be our first-born daughter. She made me a mum and Ryan a dad. She taught me to be more selfless as my mama heart fought to meet her and chose to celebrate her and carry her not knowing the exact outcome, or if we would even meet her alive. Because of Evangeline, I have made new friendships, sadly with others who have walked this path also.

It has deepened Ryan and I’s marriage, as we walk through this together, supporting and loving each other and feeling the weight of our loss together. I fell even more in love with Ryan when Evangeline was born and I saw the love that he had for our daughter and the tender way he held her and protected her during the day that she was with us.

Evangeline helped me to be braver, I had to face my fear of needles several times over and let go of my ideal birth plan. My relationship with God has been strengthened as I have had to wrestle with my faith, my unanswered questions, and my preconceived ideas about how life is “meant” to be. I have realized my immense need for God and have felt peace that

surpasses understanding.

Because of God, we have walked through the hardest season of our lives and have not been destroyed. I do not understand why she didn’t get to come home with us, and I probably never will, but I know we are forever changed because she existed. Her life was a gift. About a week before she was born, I felt that I needed to thank God for giving me Evangeline. I remember sobbing as I thanked God for Evangeline, and I journaled all the reasons I was grateful.

Now I get to choose to either be bitter about all the days we didn’t have with her or grateful for the day we did get with her. I want to choose to be grateful while still allowing myself to grieve all the days we don’t have and all the milestones we will never get to celebrate. She was loved and valued; her life was short, but impactful.

During my pregnancy I was given a journal from a Trisomy 18 charity in the US— From Diagnosis to Delivery. In this journal, there was a section to write letters to my baby. To finish I want to share some of what I wrote:

Dear Evangeline, I know that you are a fighter, and you will fight to meet us. We so want to meet you, to kiss your cute little button nose, and to hold you, our girl. Whether you live on this earth or in heaven for eternity, one thing is certain: you are loved. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God! When the time comes for you to say goodbye, I want you to know that you get to be with Jesus, the kindest person in the whole world. He loves you more than anyone. He holds you and protects you in my womb. He is closer to you than your dad and I could ever be. Heaven is the most beautiful home, there is no sickness or pain there, and you will never know suffering. We will love you forever. You are Evangeline- a messenger of good news. Your life will help to tell God’s story. Thank you, daughter, for all that you have gifted to our lives. Thank you for making me a Mum.

Daughter of the most high 🙌, primary school Teacher, married to a Hispanic man from Texas for the last 2 and a half years. We met and live in New Zealand. Evangeline was our first born and our only baby so far.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.