Q: Why Did God Allow My Baby to Die?
This Q&A series is intended to help you take steps forward in wisdom. Lay your questions before Scripture with us; find in the ashes that wisdom “will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown” (Prov. 4:9). What questions about grief, God, or the Bible do you have right now? Contact us here.
Isn’t this question a dagger in the heart of any mother who has lost a child? The pain and grief so deep, the loss so palpable, and then the wondering “Where is God in all of this? Couldn’t He have stepped in and saved my child, and if He could, why didn’t He?”
Why did God allow my baby to die?
Before I attempt to give an answer to this question, I wonder, what answer would truly suffice? What answer could I give that could bring a soothing balm of healing to the gaping hole of loss in a mother’s life?
If you, like me, have lost a child, or two, or more, no doubt you have been given a variety of answers to that question, or perhaps tried to answer it yourself.
“God must have needed them more.”
“They were too beautiful for earth.”
“Because, that was the exact amount of time God ordained for them.”
“Insert pat verse”
Does something not sit well in your soul when you hear a quick sentence or verse used in an attempt to describe the reason for such an astounding loss? What concrete reason, I wonder, would truly bring the peace we long for?
I have lost two children at birth, and buried them 14 months apart from one another. This question is all too familiar for my broken heart. I believe that God is in control of life, that He is the giver of breathe, and He is the one and only one who can cause breath to stop. So what am I to do when He allows death to invade my life?
I want to answer this question gently and carefully. And to begin, we first have to ask the question: Why is death a part of this world?
When God created the first man and woman, they were in perfect communion with God-they had no shame and no fear. Death was not a part of their lives as they lived in all the newness and perfection of life that we are now looking forward to when Christ returns. But God had given them one command. In Genesis 2:16-17 NASB, He tells Adam “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.” Neither Adam nor Eve heeded God’s words. Instead, they listened to the twisted words of Satan who convinced them that God had not meant that they would actually die, and that they should in fact eat from the tree. And so they ate. In that moment, not only did physical death enter into their lives, but a far worse death–spiritual death. Separation from God.
Yet God, in His mercy and grace, did not simply leave them to their own vices, but promised that through the seed of the woman, one would come who would destroy the schemes of Satan. This was a foreshadowing of Christ, who would one day come to reverse all that was undone in the garden and provide a way for people to no longer be held in bondage to sin and death—no longer be separated from God—but able to enter His presence in the midst of our sinful world and freed from sin once we too experienced physical death. For the believer, physical death would no longer be the end but the beginning of a life with our Savior in perfect communion as it was originally intended.
So, because of sin, death is a part of our world—a part of our lives. This means that no one is immune to physical death, not babies still in their mother’s womb, not infants, not children, not teenagers, or adults. However, for the one who knows Christ, it is not the end.
Why then did God allow my baby to die? I will begin with me. What resolution have I arrived at to answer that question for myself? Why did God allow my first two daughters to die?
The truth is that I do not know the fullness of God’s plan and reasoning; I have not been privy to all of His wisdom. It is a mystery to me. But I do know, that for some reason, He allowed death to affect my two daughters early in life and not later, for a greater glory and a greater purpose than I could possibly comprehend.
I know that part of living in this fallen world is experiencing the effects of the fall in deeply painful and personal ways (John 16:33). I know that God sees the pain of a mother who has lost a child, and even promises that there will be a day when “no longer will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days” alluding to that reality that even infants are not immune to death this side of heaven (Isaiah 65:20 NASB). I know that God is a God of astounding love, not wishing that any would perish (2 Peter 3:9), giving His very life, and living in our world so that we would be free from the terminal effects of sin in our own lives (John 10:10, Romans 6:4-11), promising us that the last enemy to be defeated will be death (I Corinthians 15:26).
So, in His allowing my daughters to die, I have to conclude that it was not void of His love however mysterious and confusing that can be at times. Nor was it void of His power for He is before all things and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). I know that God is doing a work in and through our lives that we could not comprehend, and that He even calls our suffering light and momentary compared to the glory that we will someday see (2 Corinthians 4:17-18). Though I know it certainly doesn’t feel light and momentary. But in God allowing my daughters to die, it is not without a more glorious purpose that I know I will one day understand in full and be utterly amazed by.
In our culture, we want concrete answers and reasons for our pain. We want the loose ends of our grief—the unanswered questions of our hearts—to be resolved. Then, and only then, can we move on.
But the God we serve is a deep and wide chasm of mystery. And while He gives us gracious glimpses into that mystery, who could contain and understand the whole of who He is, what He has done, and why He has done it?
The apostle Paul says in I Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.”
We cannot possibly know the whole answer to our question of why God has allowed our babies to die, but we can know in part that God is at work, that His reasons are not absent from His love, that death and sorrow are a part of living in a fallen world, and that God, who is almighty and all powerful, is weaving a story of redemption through our lives and the short lives of our children that we will see fully one day.
As I have wrestled with this question and grown to know more of this God that I serve, I have become more settled in the mystery of His ways, more in awe of the vastness of His love, and more surrendered to whatever reasons He may have for death being a part of my life. I have also realized that in my limited understanding perhaps even the glorious reason God had for allowing my daughters to die would still not make sense or soothe my aching heart on this side of heaven. Perhaps it is His grace to not give the full answer, and His grace to give us glimpses instead.
- Lindsey
Hope Mom to Sophie and Dasah
Hi! I’m Lindsey. I live in Orlando, Florida with my stud of a husband Kevin. We have 3 incredible children, Sophie and Dasah who now live with Jesus and Jaden who came into our lives through adoption. We have a very energetic golden retriever and love living in the sunshine state. I get to spend my days loving on my son, investing my life in college students here through a non-profit organization we’re a part of and when I have time, writing on my blog about the hope that doesn’t disappoint!
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Madison
March 15, 2018 (11:26 am)
Thank you for this, Lindsey. The pain of losing my daughter is so massive, but the love of our savior is even greater. Thank you for sharing these words of hope for my aching heart. I am so thankful Satan doesn’t get the last say in death- it’s not the end for us, nothing can separate us from the love of our Father, not even death. And knowing my daughter reigns in glory with God makes the sting of death hurt just a bit less.
Diane
August 19, 2020 (5:00 pm)
TY Lindsey ….. sooooooooooo painful ….. my girl was good and neverrrrrr did a bad thing but still do not know why GOD gave her cancer and me pain?? Justtttttttttt soooooo sad and have cried daily and cannot sleep or eat and feel like I want to die …. Diane
Eddie Syrek
March 19, 2022 (8:26 am)
I know a family that are grieving the loss of their 4 month old daughter and granddaughter Evelyn. It’s so sad. I work for the the grandfather of the child who has prayed and asked why and is still grieving? But as Lindsey has stated in this message:
“I wonder, what answer would truly suffice? What answer could I give that could bring a soothing balm of healing to the gaping hole of loss in a mother’s life?”
King David knew that God was taking his first born into Heaven because of what he pulled with Bathsheeba and her husband Uriah the Hittite. He fasted and prayed if perhaps God would change His mind and spare his Child, which the LORD did not. But, when David was told the news of his son’s passing by his servants who were reluctant at the time to tell him; he quickly got up and put on fresh cloths and sought food to eat braking his prayer and fasting for his son hoping God would change His mind which He didn’t. But, David’s servants were pretty shocked by his response to the news of his son. His answer to them was “The child cannot return to me, but I shall go to him”
For those who Love the Lord Jesus and the Father, we are reminded by the Apostle Paul that: No eye has seen, nor ear heard, neither entered into the hearts of people the things that God has prepared for those who love Him.
Rob
November 3, 2023 (10:08 am)
Didn’t help. It is a crappy system we have been given. My innocent daughter has suffered greatly for 4 years and is near death. I have prayed for healing, relief from her misery, and to place her affliction on me. No response. No feeling of God’s presence or caring. We are promised Heaven, but this life if all we really know. And it has been miserable for my daughter and us. This has caused me a great deal of anger with God over this system. I still believe in him, but I am so angry with him. If I am risking my place in Heaven, so be it. I cannot help feeling this way when I see my precious daughter suffer.
Maia
January 28, 2024 (12:39 am)
Thank you very much for this comment. My daughters funeral is tomorrow and I had never heard this story involving King David. His answer will stick with me and give me strength. God Bless ❤️
Anne
May 10, 2022 (5:41 pm)
Diane I am so sorry you are going through this. I don’t understand and I don’t have answers. My daughter died at 23 months old, after open heart surgery – 33 years ago. Her name was Allison and she had Downs Syndrome. She depended on me for everything and after she died I couldn’t stop thinking who is taking care of her? I know it isn’t a rational thought, but I wasn’t rational – I was a grieving mom. For months I cried and worried – in my head I just kept asking “Who is taking care of her?” One day as I was wallpapering my hallway and crying, that thought was going through my head, but before I could finish thinking – who is taking care of her – a voice broke through and told me “The same one who cared for her before she was yours.” I just stopped – I didn’t understand – in my head she didn’t exist before she was mine. But I was comforted because I knew it was God.
At the time I was a non-practicing Catholic and I didn’t read the Bible. I knew it was God telling me this. I stopped worrying. – but I still cried. I missed her so much and I still do.
Eighteen years later my husband and I became Christians and I was sitting outside reading my Bible. I just started to read Jeremiah. Jeremiah 1:4 – The Lord gave me a message. He said, I knew you before I formed you in your mothers womb. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. I started to cry. God is always with us. No matter what we are going through. I don’t believe that God gave your daughter cancer. I don’t believe that God gave my daughter a heart defect. I believe these things happen and God sees us through. I believe he is caring and loving – He is our Father. He is caring for His children – your daughter and mine.
I pray that you can find joy in life again. I pray that you can do something positive with this experience. Please take care of your self – your daughter would want you to be happy.
Bets
November 27, 2023 (6:48 am)
So sorry Diane..My daughter age 40 also had csncer..within 3 months she was fetched by the angels……Im devasted..but He saved her from the hell she went through..in a wsy Im gratefull..but the missing her is terrible..its been a year this month
Crystal
June 9, 2024 (1:08 pm)
sorry to hear about your loss. grandson and fiance just lost their newborn daughter yesterday after 30 hrs of labor. I don’t have any answers to bring comfort right now to you or them but I know one thing, Hid did not give your child cancer or steal the life of my great grandaughter. (John 10:10)…… I don’t blame God but we do question why, where is God and if your there, don’t you dare?…..? I don’t think God get mad when we ask such questions. He wants to hear our heart.since this was posted a few years ago, I pray you have found peace and comfort during your time of grief. praying the same for my grandson and his fiance……
nancy davis
September 21, 2020 (1:26 pm)
it was not god fault, the baby was born sic sweetie i lost one two, when your baby passed away and went to heaven it had a brand newbaby but it was a sprit, your baby is not sick no more, you will see her or him when you go to haven, you will see it again, god bless, nancy,
Patience
August 22, 2024 (4:35 pm)
I’m one of the people who ask God why..I’m writing with tears now..my 4months old baby passed away last month..he was soo health and he just died like that. He slept at creche and never woke up.honestly sometimes I blame myself that I shouldn’t have gone back to work and look aftr him myself maybe he would be alive today but I also had to work for him since I was a single parent. On the other hand I blame God because he knew how much I struggled for my baby only to take him without notice.the doctors couldn’t find anything that might have killed him..everyday I look at his pictures wondering if he has eaten or what he is feeding since he was only breastfeeding. To make matters worse I have a fresh scar of C-section and everytime I bath noticing the scar my heart breaks..I don’t know how God does it but to me it’s not fair..
Adrian
February 19, 2022 (2:24 am)
Thank you..Its been just 20 days since we Lost our 8 mos old Baby Girl..I love her so much..Im still Broken until now while my wife and family has somehow moved on…There are so many Questions and What ifs running thru my head..Im miss her so much that I Daydream about when she was still with us..
Precious
March 14, 2022 (5:20 pm)
So sorry im praying for you Adrian
Anne
May 10, 2022 (5:51 pm)
Sending prayers. Try not to think about – What if – that is the enemy getting to you. He wants to destroy you. I went through that myself. You did everything you could – we make the best decisions with the information that we have at the time. I know your heart is broken. Please take care of yourself. Sending prayers of comfort.
Precious
March 14, 2022 (5:19 pm)
Awww I loss my baby girl at 1 I miss her so much I love my baby 2/17/2022
Esther
May 6, 2022 (4:52 pm)
Why did God allow my Grandbaby Julie to die at 3months and 30 days? Why Why Why. It is soòoooooo painful and heartbreaking 💔 for us all. I can’t imagine how much pain my daughter has to endure???
Ashlee Schmidt
May 6, 2022 (11:20 pm)
Dear one, my heart aches for the pain you are enduring with the loss of your precious grand baby. I am praying right now that the Lord would draw your heart near to Him in the midst of your sorrow, and that you would feel the comfort of His presence and His peace that passes all understanding.
Carol Brown
May 18, 2022 (11:03 am)
Thank you for telling your story. I just lost a grandson at 35 weeks. He was created by IVF. It’s hard on everybody. I have too many people in my family who are not Christian, so it makes it even harder.
Carolyne ragira
May 22, 2022 (8:43 am)
Carolyne Ragira
I lost my son at birth almost a month ago.iam crushed and broken but God has given me many promises some that I did not know.I believe His will prevailed when my son was born with his eyes closed, he did not see my face.He will bless me.He just told me.
LeAnn M Valentine
May 23, 2022 (8:44 pm)
I attended the funeral today of my 4-month-old granddaughter, Annalei. She was healthy and happy all the time. How can a healthy baby just die? Our hearts are breaking, I don’t understand. I feel cheated, I won’t be able to watch her grow up.
Ashlee Schmidt
May 24, 2022 (12:47 pm)
LeAnn, I am so sorry that your precious grand-baby is not here with you. Death robs us of so much. I am praying that you will feel the nearness of the Lord in the midst of this unspeakable sorrow.
Amanda
June 12, 2022 (4:24 pm)
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter after only 3 days. She was born at 24 weeks on May 27, 2002. I don’t understand why, but pray that God gives peace and comfort to all who are experiencing this heartache.
Shirley
August 6, 2022 (12:53 am)
I have lost a 20 yr old daughter a week before her 21st birthday in a car accident. I thought I would die in 2003. Then 2020 the night of Oct 2 my other daughter was murdered along with my 14 month old granddaughter. They were strangled and smothered. I have such a hard time moving on. I have no children left. Only a remaining granddaughter who was in the apartment when her mommy and sister were murdered. GOD please help me, I am so so sad, I can barely take care of what I need to. How do I overcome this horrible heartache?s
April
February 29, 2024 (6:53 pm)
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m praying for you and your family.
Martha
September 16, 2022 (9:17 am)
Just like a dream, I loss my 16months old baby few weeks ago…the pain is deep. God please help me.
Shanna
November 16, 2022 (9:21 am)
I lost my 3 month old son this summer. I always worry and wonder why. I feel so hollow and sad. The pain is unimaginable daily. He was such a strong smart boy. He was truly a blessing. I can’t understand.
Ashlee Schmidt
November 21, 2022 (11:35 pm)
I am so sorry for your loss, Shanna. I pray that the Lord would draw near to you in the midst of your grief and comfort your heart in ways that only He can.
Kat
June 9, 2023 (11:42 am)
It’s so hard…My son passed at almost 2 and a half months old. .I also feel that he was a strong smart boy and people look at me funny when I make that affirmation…I believe I knew him more but Hod knows him best. He has changed me so much. I want to live my earthly life to honour him.
Angela
November 29, 2022 (12:49 am)
I lost my 4 month old baby boy 2 days ago after spending 3 weeks in the hospital on a ventilator from a respiratory infection. He fought so hard to stay alive but his little body couldn’t fight anymore. There are no words for the pain that I feel. I miss him sooo much I just can’t understand why god would give him to me just to take him away…
Renan
December 6, 2022 (10:49 pm)
Just recently this October 31, 2022, we lost our 2 year old daughter due to enlargement of heart (myocarditis). The worst part of it, was me and my wife were partly to be blamed coz despite my mother-in-law’s persuasion to urgently get my daughter to the hospital, we refused to pay heed coz we thought our daughter was just feeling alright. Unfortunately, one week passed by and it was already too late as her condition had gone to untreatable. She was admitted for 8 days before she finally breathe her last breath. Right now, we are deeply grieving knowing that we could have saved her had we not prioritized our work and not be very mindful of her situation earlier. It really hurt deeply, as I also blame God at first why He didn’t gave us the worry feeling in order to attend to our daughter’s condition, instead we felt indifferent that’s why we felt very guilty of what happened to her…Somehow reading this article ease the pain as I realized there are many grieving parents who also lost their child like us and knowing God’s assurance of our daughter’s destiny in the afterlife.
Nicole
December 18, 2022 (7:42 am)
I lost my 1 year old year old daughter almost two weeks ago To RSV Im so sad I don’t know what else to do Im driving my self crazy I just wanna Know why Would the Lord call my precious baby home
Vina
March 27, 2023 (7:55 pm)
I just named my baby Hope Rachel for i just pregnant after 10 years. I had given up to have a baby for PCOS but she suddenly came into my life after prayers. We even did not plan it, I was pregnant. She brought a hope for us so we named her Hope. My joy was growing and all the pregnancy ultrasounds and tests showed good reports.
In 23rd March 2023 she was delivered through c section on her 38 weeks, normal weight and height.
Everything seemed fine but the symptom appeared. Her nails got blue and she was in difficulty to breath.
After 7 hours she just passed away.
I just keep reminding my self about her cried after born , her face and 5 seconds skin to skin moment after she was born. The rest is her cold body on my arm as our last goodbye moment.
Now I just pumped my breast milk with tears by hearing my neighbor’s baby that just born several days after Hope.
I bake for HIS mercy. We cannot bare it. My Hope was perished. I just hold the tiny faith in me. I feel discouraged and sorrowful.
Leen
May 31, 2023 (3:44 am)
Now in the month of June again i don’t have the answer yet why did God allow my son to die. At 25 days Chicco went to be with the Lord and left a scar that can never heal, due to jejunel atresia, i will forever miss you my son till we meet again.
Ashlee Schmidt
June 10, 2023 (10:06 pm)
I am so sorry that your precious son isn’t here with you. I am praying for you, sweet momma. May you draw near to the comfort of the Lord even in the midst of the unknowns and deep sorrow surrounding your loss.
Pastor Myra Bell
July 5, 2023 (7:45 am)
Thank you, Lindsey, for this blog/article. You gave some of the BEST answers for you extreme loss. As a pastor, I give answers to believers from the word of God. Your experience and comfort that you have given others from the comfort you have received is so very evident (2 Cor. 1:3-7). I “stumbled” onto your experience as I was researching some answers for teaching in Bible Study about the trials and afflictions that believers go through. I have never lost a child, but the first funeral I ever conducted was for a baby whose mother had to carry him for three days knowing that he had died in her womb (https://singlemomdefined.com/personal-essays/my-journey-to-motherhood-kenise-batts).
I am praying for you and all of the mothers and fathers who have experienced such heartbreak.
Eunice
August 2, 2023 (12:22 pm)
It was on 20/7/2023 at night when i lost 4months old twin baby girl.. I feel so distress and confused… She died from breastmilk choke… I’m in deep sorrow so down.. Why? Baby Abby
Daisya
September 15, 2023 (7:17 pm)
Hey I just lost my 3 month old 9/13/2023 three days ago I feel so sick an heart broken I just keep asking why he was so beautiful an healthy woke up at 4 in morning he wasn’t breathing doctor think it was sids waiting on obtopsy I know no supposed to question God it just hurt I feel like I’m being punished
Pius
October 20, 2023 (12:34 pm)
I just lost beautiful Seven months premature twins a boy and a girl two days ago. Doctors did their best but couldn’t save them after six days stay in the incubator. My wife and I are in much pain and deep sorrow suffering from the trauma since they have been our very first kids in life
But in the end we still keep the hope believeing and trusting God’s plan as he’s the one who gives and takes away
Monique Nicole
November 25, 2023 (10:52 am)
I feel so comforted knowing my baby instantly went to God upon his death. I developed an infection that caused me to go into preterm labor when I was 22 weeks and 5 days gestation age on October 22, 2023 (approximately 1 month ago). My sweet baby boy, Alexx, was born and the doctors told me that he wouldn’t survive. Living in a 3rd world country, the hospital didn’t /doesn’t have the resources extremely preterm babies require in order to have a better chance of pulling through. But my baby fought for 10 days and then died October 31, 2023 at 11PM.
I didn’t get a chance to hold him because we was in an incubator and was connected to a ventilator and other machines to monitor his vitals. Each day when I visited him in the special care nursery, the doctor’s reports kept getting worse (infection indicative of higher than normal white blood cell counts, respiratory distress due to underdeveloped lungs, pulmonary hemorrhage, bleeding in stomach, kidneys not operating how they should, possible seizures due to brain bleed, low red blood cell counts etc)-indicating that my miracle baby would definitely die. I fell apart as my heart broke each day into tinier little pieces. I WOULD DAILY PRAY OVER AND FOR HIM, MAKE BIBLICAL DECLARATIONS SANG AND TELL HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. I had faith that God would save him despite the medical reports. He eventually died. He was my 1st child. I never got to hold him when he was alive but I got the opportunity to hold him when he died. All I saw was my sweet baby-just lifeless.
I went on a quest to find Biblically supported evidence as to what happens to babies when they die. I’m so glad that my precious little one instantly went to God when he passed and I thank God for the finished work of Christ on the cross that made this possible-as well as an opportunity for me to see my baby again some day (provided I live my life pleasing to God).
I asked the Holy Spirit to remind me of this whenever I feel triggered by his death and I pray I get the opportunity to be a mom someday again ❤️🫂🙇🏽♀️
Linda
December 10, 2023 (6:20 pm)
At my 45 day old nephew’s funeral, the pastor assured us that the advantage my beautiful nephew has is that he knew no sin therefore he will not face judgment! Although the pain is so unbearable and the grieve unspeakable, like King David I am reminded that our handsome baby will not return to us…. But we must go to him! He is waiting for us in heaven!
Brent
January 19, 2024 (10:02 pm)
Hi, I was looking for a site to help a friend who has just lost a preborn baby. It was almost to term and was still born. She is not a Christian and says she hates God for taking her baby from her. She has 2 other kids, 12 and 13
I was trying to help point her to someone who has went through the terrible heartbreak of the loss of a baby so she could relate and take some comfort.
If you could I would love to be able to share this with her but I just dont know how technically.
I think this could be a great way for her to connect with God and a local church family.
Thank you in advance
Brent