Q: What Is My Baby’s Purpose?
This Q&A series is intended to help you take steps forward in wisdom. Lay your questions before Scripture with us; find in the ashes that wisdom “will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown” (Prov. 4:9). What questions about grief, God, or the Bible do you have right now? Contact us here.
Why, Lord?
What is the purpose in my pain?
Why did my baby die?
What was the purpose in this devastating loss, in my baby’s short life and death?
These questions are common ones following pregnancy loss at any stage. Have you been there? Asking God “Why did you allow this gift only to rip it away? What is my child’s purpose, God?” I know I have, friend. You are not alone if these questions fill your mind and confuse your soul.
After losing my son, Chance, at 20 weeks’ gestation, a dear friend encouraged me to dig deep into the Lord, press into His word, and ask for clarity to this very question. She told me she would pray that the Lord would reveal the meaning and purpose, in losing and burying my only son.
By seeking the purpose to our pain, we turn a crisis into an opportunity. We choose strength and growth, and become a vessel of good instead of a victim of our circumstances.
By seeking God’s purpose, we combat our feelings of depression, isolation, anxiousness and defeat, all of which are common struggles post-loss.
When we dig into purpose, we grow. Every loss offers opportunity for growth, friends.
What was the purpose in Chance’s life?
This question became my focus. I knew the power in my friend’s prompting. As I pointed Chance’s life and death back to God’s purposes, I could more readily embrace the Scripture that states “God works for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28).” As God began to fill my thirst and hunger (Psalm 107:9), I trusted that He would also open my eyes to see even just a tiny ounce of fruit in my desert land.
This does not come automatically, friends. I had to still my mind and heart and turn down the noise, to hear the Lord’s sweet reply.
He was so faithful in His answer, and in His answer was renewed hope.
So today, for those of you stuck in the questioning and desperately longing for an answer, I offer some encouragement. Below is what the Lord revealed to me when I asked Him to speak purpose over my son’s life.
I Chose to Fix My Eyes
When I think of Chance, I think of Jesus. Always. I think of my son every single day which means I think of Jesus every single day. What a gift. My son’s life helped me fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2). Chance’s life renewed my focus on the only one I actually need-Jesus. When I think of Chance I’m reminded to keep looking up, instead of side-to-side, knowing that anything I will ever need was given to me when Jesus gave Himself on the cross.
I Am Reminded of My Eternal Hope:
We read in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
My son is walking the streets of heaven with Jesus. When I think of Chance, I think of Jesus, which makes me crave my eternal home. Though the tears come, my pain is temporary, because I am reminded that this is not the end. There is more! My home is in heaven, and that brings great hope and great purpose to my loss– this truth is an anchor for my soul (Hebrews 6:19).
He Brings Glory to the Father:
Although I don’t believe God wanted Chance to die, I do believe He allowed it to happen for His glory, His greater purpose, and for the pointing back to His Son. And while this belief does not remove suffering or instantly heal the hurt, it does redeem it.
My pastor so eloquently described Chance’s purpose with these words during the funeral. “Chance Blackburn was created to glorify God. God’s designs for Chance were decided before he was born. He would exist for the glory of God. Twenty weeks and three days of that work was on the earth. The rest will be in heaven. His conscious life—who he is fully intended to be, his obedience to his Maker—was appointed to be lived out in heaven. That is a good place to live for the glory of God! Woe to us if we think that the only place to glorify God is on this tiny planet! Chance was created to glorify God. He did, and he is. The purpose of Chance Michael Blackburn’s life is to glorify God. And by God’s will, Chance is purposed to begin his eternal service now.”
To glorify God. What a powerful revelation. The purpose of my son’s short life on earth, was to continually point me to Jesus, to point me to the hope of heaven, and to continually glorify God, for a minute’s time in my womb and for an eternity in heaven.
I Have Grown in Gratefulness and Praise:
Losing Chance heightened my awareness to all the gifts in my life. I became more in-tune to all the good, all the blessings. All the things that, had I not lost my son, I would more easily take for granted:
The roof over my head.
The food on my table.
The water in my faucet.
My healthy, living children.
My husband who works endlessly to support my family.
The pink rose bush that sits outside my front window.
The butterfly that flutters past me as I cross the street.
The sun that, as it sets, paints a most beautiful canvas.
Now, when I ponder these blessings, my mind turns to praise. My son reminded me that there is so much good-so much to be grateful for-and that it is important to stop and worship the Lord in thankfulness.
I Have Gained Credibility With a Hurting World:
Our stories of loss give us credibility with others who are suffering. Struggling souls hear our stories and see our lives as we demonstrate to them God’s sufficiency to meet our needs. Our babies’ lives and stories open the door for connection and offer light to another’s darkness. We have loved and lost, but we have not lost hope. We still have joy. We do not despair. This speaks volumes to those who, in their pain, do not know the Lord. God has blessed our lives through our babies so that we can be a blessing to others. Through our babies’ lives, God gives us the strength to sit with another hurting heart, to listen well, to offer prayer, to share the gospel. We comfort well with the comfort we have graciously been given.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the suffering of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
What great purpose He has for our babies, dear sisters.
Dear Lord, we lift our eyes and hands up to You today. While we grieve and we hurt, we give thanks for our little ones who are by Your side. We thank You for the purpose You have spoken over our losses. Lord, for those who are longing for purpose, will You fill the gap? Will You tenderly answer? We will always hurt Lord, yet because You are good and Your purposes are true, we are able to trust Your will and Your ways. We love You and we thank You for our babies and the purpose You have for them. In Jesus Holy Name, Amen
- Brittnie
Hope Mom to Baby A and Chance Michael
Brittnie lives in Sugar Land, Texas and enjoys writing on her blog and other outlets, baking, lingering coffee dates, and soaking in moments with her family. She is a wife to Brandon and a mom to Clara, Camille, and Hope Mom to Baby A (Clara’s twin) and Chance. Psalm 62:1-2 is her go to verse when she needs quick encouragement. She is author of Desert Song, and you can visit with Brittnie at her personal blog, A Joy Renewed, where she shares her faith and family, and encourages her readers to claim joy despite circumstance.
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