Pray For One Another: His Story

It’s been said before, you really can’t understand somebody’s pain until you walk through it yourself.

As men, we are wired to try to fix things. However, the loss of our son was something I could not fix. I remember standing in the delivery room and looking at Nelly as the nurse said, “Your water broke.” I called for the doctor. My mind kept racing. “No God! No God! This is not what we had planned! Corbin is not going to make it! It’s too early for him!”

With all of our family in the waiting area, we welcomed Corbin into this world on March 27, 2014 at 5:38pm. Our precious Corbin lived for two hours and three minutes. I suddenly was in disbelief over what was happening, asking God, “Is this true? Is this really happening?” I looked at Nelly, my wife and best friend. I saw her tears. She couldn’t stop crying, and I was devastated.

While she held our son, I saw her tears and her pain. At that moment, I was more concerned about her than myself. I never once thought something like this could happen to us. I looked to God to help me lead my family through this valley of tears. I fervently prayed, asking God to help me so I could help her. I knew I needed to do something for her, but what could I do? I wanted to read to her from the Bible, kiss her, and hold her. When I didn’t know what else to do, I prayed.

My prayers were short, but meaningful. For the next few days, weeks, and even months, I would call on the Lord, “Help me to help Nelly. God we need You; we need Your help. Help us find Your peace.”

During this time I reminded Nelly that we needed to draw ourselves closer to God. We opened our Bibles a lot more. We searched for Scriptures that would give us peace. I began to read books and devotionals. We surrounded ourselves with people who would speak life into us, and met with the pastor who married us and also performed the funeral services for Corbin. As we would retreat and pray together, we desperately wanted to understand why God would allow this to happen to us.

Family and friends came by the house to check on Nelly and I for several weeks following Corbin’s passing. I noticed Nelly getting stronger as she shared our story and the pictures we had of Corbin. While Nelly would sit in the living room and share our story, I would go into our bedroom and cry because I didn’t want her to see me weak.

I had really looked forward to bringing Corbin home with us and watching him grow up. We were looking forward to being full-time parents. I have a son from a previous marriage, but I was limited to 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends with him.

After our loss, Nelly felt guilty because of Corbin’s passing. She would apologize to me saying, “Can you forgive me for not giving you a son? Are you mad at me because I couldn’t give you a child?” I would remind her regularly that this wasn’t her fault and that she was a gift from God and my best friend. As the leader of our home, I held on to the truth that God had a purpose.

We received many gifts during this time, (flowers, sympathy cards, food, etc.) but one of the most touching gifts was a hope box that Nelly received in the mail from Hope Mommies. Nelly and I discussed on several occasions that she needed to surround herself with other women that have gone through the same things she has, like a support group. Since Nelly’s sisters all had healthy pregnancies it was hard for her to talk to them about what she was facing. So when Nelly received the Hope Box she was eager to find out more. She researched Hope Mommies and found that they had a retreat coming and signed up.

I remember my parents and I driving Nelly down to the retreat and dropping her off. My constant prayer was that she would find comfort and healing among these women that I couldn’t provide. While the next 48 hours were long for us, I looked forward to when Nelly would call me and share how other moms wanted to hear about my son and see his pictures. I knew prayers were being answered.

Nelly was connecting with other women that could relate to her and shed light where it was dark. When I went back to pick up Nelly up from the retreat, I saw that some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. As I listened to her talk for the next several hours on the drive home, I saw that hope was taking place. This was surely where God had wanted her to be.

During this season of intense grief we grew closer together. I love that Nelly and I can sit and talk about Corbin together. As I consistently prayed for my wife, God understood my cries. When I couldn’t find the words God knew my heart.

I held on to these words:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
-Ephesians 5:25-28

We pray that as we share our story it will give others hope, and that we will love others as Jesus Christ loves us. I pray this will encourage you and most importantly share the hope of Christ we’ve experienced through the darkest valley we have encountered. To God be the glory and the hope of our hearts.

My name is Conrad Alvarez. I have been blessed to be joined in holy matrimony to my best friend and partner for life. As a dad to two children here on earth and to one in heaven it has changed the way I live, to cherish every moment that God gives me and to make every day count. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was bury my son and live a life of what might have been. But my God, he gave me peace and when my work on this earth is done, I will be reunited with my Lord and my son Corbin for eternity.

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