One Another

The loss of a child changes your life.  And sorrow of this magnitude also greatly effects your relationship with your spouse. When we are cloaked in such a heavy grief, it can be immensely difficult to remember that this heart-wrenching loss has not only altered your life, but that of your spouse as well.  It is hard enough to learn how to walk through life without your beloved children in our arms, but we also must learn how to navigate this sorrow along with someone else. And in the wake of such hurt and pain, bringing two grieving hearts together can feel like an impossible task. 

Our human nature tells us to turn inward in our grief. It tries to persuade us that by focusing on ourselves, and isolating ourselves from others, we have the best chance to survive this storm of losing a child.  But that way of thinking goes against the very heart of God.

As difficult as it may be to learn how to grieve well with your spouse, you don’t need to despair. Dear one, God is for your marriage. He desires for you to be unified through this pain. And as you lean on Him together, He will strengthen and sustain your marriage even through the darkest days. As you strive for togetherness in your marriage in the midst of grief, you will find that God’s Word provides much insight into the subject of unity.  Throughout the Bible you will find a number of “one anothers” — verses that describe what coming together in unity look like. Here are just a few:

Serve One Another

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
-Galatians 5:13

In Christ, we are called to be actively serving one another. Grief is full of opportunities to serve your spouse, but it easy to miss them or even ignore them when we become blinded by our own feelings. How can you look for ways to serve your spouse in the midst of your sorrow? How can you help carry some of their burden? Our service to our spouses in the midst of grief is empowered by the God who sent His own Son to earth to be a servant. 

“Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,
and to give His life as a ransom for many.”
-Matthew 20:28

As you continue to navigate this sorrow with your spouse, ask the Lord for a heart to serve them and eyes to see how you can meet their needs through the hard days to come.

Love One Another

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”
-1 Peter 4:8

There will undoubtedly be times when you and your spouse fail each other, hurt each other’s feelings, or mess up in your grief. After all, you are two sinners who are carrying a great burden. But as you choose to love one another, you will be able to overlook these offenses, and strengthen each other to stand firm through hard times.

Love is demonstrated by our words and actions. In 1 Corinthians, Paul gives us a description of what love looks like practically.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
-2 Corinthians 13:4-8a

What are your words and actions towards your spouse revealing about your love for them? Pray that as God fills you with His perfect love, He will help you recognize ways that you can love your spouse in the midst of your grief. 

Be Devoted to One Another

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
-Romans 12:10

We are called to be devoted and loyal to our spouses, no matter the hardships that we face. As you walk together through the devastating loss of a child, don’t allow your grief to overcome your commitment to each other. 

Being devoted to each other, means that you are there for them in all seasons of life. You choose to guard and protect your relationship with them from the distractions and discouragements that surround us in this broken world. Being devoted means being faithful to the vows you made to love and honor your spouse in sickness, health, good times and bad times.

Encourage One Another

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
-1 Thessalonians 5:11

Encouragement is such a powerful tool in community. When you are encouraged, it helps you stand a little taller, work a little harder, and hang on to hope. In Christ, we are equipped to share lasting hope and truth with those around us. And who are you in a better position to encourage than your spouse! 

In your grief, continue to speak hope and truth into the heart of your spouse. Fortify them with the Word of God, and encourage them daily to continue to pursue the Lord through their sorrow. Remind them of how God is at work in and through them, and incite them to focus on the joys of heaven that await!

Be Patient With One Another

“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.”
-Ephesians 4:2-3

You are well aware of how hard it can be to serve, love, and encourage others in the wake of losing a child. It is not our natural response to turn outward to bless others when we ourselves are hurting and broken inside. So be patient with your spouse. They are hurting and broken too. Their grief will look different than yours, and they may respond in different ways than you did, but that does not mean that their pain is any less acute than yours. 

When they mess up or don’t meet your expectations of them, be gentle and humble. Chances are that you have hurt them too. Ask the Lord to help you bear with one another through your grief. Be open with each other about your feelings and expectations so that you are more aware of what the other needs through this hard journey.

Pray for One Another

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
-James 5:15

Our prayers are what connect us to the power of God! Never underestimate the power of prayer in your marriage!  There will no doubt be many times when you do not know how to best love, serve, or encourage your spouse. But you can always be praying for them! 

Pray together as a couple! There is nothing that creates greater intimacy in a relationship than seeking the Lord together! Pray Scripture—the very words of God—over your spouse. Pray for opportunities to comfort and encourage them! Dear one, never stop praying!  Prayer reminds us of our absolute and utter dependence on God, and we can be confident that God hears us when we call out to Him!

“The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
    to all who call on Him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
    He hears their cry and saves them.”
-Psalm 145:18-19

Forgive One Another

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God in Christ forgave you.”
-Ephesians 4:32

We are often guilty of expecting from our spouse what can only be fulfilled in the Lord. If your husband could take away all of your pain, you wouldn’t need God. If your wife could repair all of your brokenness, than God would be unnecessary to you. It is natural for us to long for restoration to come at the hands of those we can see and feel here on earth, but when we expect total healing at the hand of our spouse, we will be disappointed every single time. Unmet expectations and retained grudges will continuously wear down your marriage. So choose forgiveness instead. 

When your spouse disappoints you in the way they grieve, forgive them. When they snap at you out of their own hurt, forgive them. When they don’t serve you in the way you long for them to serve you, forgive them. When they don’t understand you, forgive them. When your expectations of them are not met, forgive them. And then look to Jesus as the ultimate source of your hope, comfort, encouragement, love, and strength.

…

These “one anothers” are not easy to accomplish in your marriage. But as you continue to press into Jesus, He will enable to you live these traits out in increasing measure. 

Over the next several weeks, we will be sharing stories from men and women who have made the choice to serve, love, be devoted to, encourage, be patient with, pray for, and forgive their spouse in the midst of grief. Our prayer for you is that these stories will help you in your own marriage. May you find encouragement in the examples of grieving men and women who have chosen to display these “one anothers” in their marriages as they continued to anchor themselves in the hope of eternity. And through the power of Christ at work within you, you can too.

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
-Ephesians 3:20-21

---

Ashlee is the Editorial Coordinator for Hope Mommies and author of their I AM, Identity, and Sojourn Bible studies. She and her husband, Jesse, live in Milwaukee with their children—five on earth and two in heaven.

 

 

---

Are you a writer who would like to join the blog team? Learn more and apply here.

---