Moria’s Retreat Experience

75 moms traveled from all over the world to come to the Hope Mommies retreat — A Song In The Night. 75 moms came here with broken hearts in search of connecting with other moms who have walked a similar journey. It was a spirit-filled weekend of healing, worship, prayer, and intimacy.

I listened to so many mothers share stories of their babies in heaven. I’ve seen their photos, I’ve heard their names, and I’ve honored their stories. I, also, shared my son Noah’s story. I’ve shared his photo, I’ve said his name, and I’ve honored his story.

At first, I was hesitant about even going to the retreat. I wasn’t sure why God wanted me to go, and I wasn’t convinced that bringing me halfway across the country was going to deepen my relationship with Christ.

Honestly, the first day at the retreat I wrestled with God because I felt like He hadn’t revealed anything to me yet. Yes, I was a broken mom that lost her son but I was broken way before I lost my son. I felt like I was confident in God’s direction for my life even though I was unsure of what it was at that time. I wasn’t angry with Him anymore and I wasn’t in a deep, dark hole, desperate for hope. I knew God was faithful. I trusted His goodness. God, why am I here?

It wasn’t until the second night that the Lord really moved in my spirit and poured healing into some broken places of my heart. That was through writing a lament to Him. I remember it was the only time I cried at the retreat and not just cried, I sobbed. Sobbed as if it was just Jesus and I in that room. That moment I was completely unaware of the other 75 women, sitting in various corners of the room, also, sobbing and writing their own personal laments to the Lord. 

“You could have healed him. You could have changed the outcome. You could have breathed life back in to him. Why did You lower the hedge of protection over our family? You know our hearts are for You. You knew we would still be faithful. Why is the enemy in constant pursuit of our family? How much more must our marriage be tried? When will we be proven faithful servants? Is this ministry what You had for me through his life? Is it Your heart to restore all that has been broken? How much longer will the fire continue to consume me? Will redemption come soon? Is more suffering to come? Help my non-belief. I don’t want the enemy to feed me lies. I need Your closeness. I need Your presence. I need to know Noah’s life was not in vain. I need to know that You hear me. Other’s salvation must come from this Lord. My dad must see my unwavering faithfulness. I believe You are good, God. I believe that You are my hope. I believe that You are my rock. If you are all I have, may it still be well with my soul. May Your peace pour into the depths of my soul and light every dark place. I’ve known You as a father. I’ve known You as a friend. I cry out to You with every breath in my lungs. I cry out for You with the same breath that my son didn’t get to breathe.”

 

I later shared my lament with my small group at retreat that evening. I believe that by openly confessing my heart the Lord was able to move in me, yet, again.

The Hope Mommies ministry is really a blessing to me and I wish I could put into words what the retreat meant to me. Many hours at night I spent lying awake in bed just listening to God and talking with Him. I really feel like He moved in my Spirit in a mighty way and gave me more confirmation about my ministry while I was there. 

I came back overwhelmed with all He was telling me—so much so that on the plane and in the middle of the night I would have to pull up the notes on my phone and write everything down. This retreat changed my life, truly. I hope to be able to attend another one in the future.

Many of the friendships I’ve formed have deepened since the retreat. We continue to stay connected through new seasons of life like adoption and pregnancy after loss. These godly relationships are imperative and it’s incredibly beautiful to have women remember dates that are significant to you and your child so that their memory lives on.

Thank you for all the ways you support moms that walk through pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant loss. Thank you for the seeds you plant through your Hope Boxes. Thank you for continuing to advance the gospel. Thank you to your team and volunteers that endlessly pour resources, time, and prayer into moms.

You are a true gift to the loss community. I pray the Lord’s favor over your ministry for years and years to come. It’s a joy to partner with you all on this mission.

Moria Rooney is a Christ-follower, wife, mother, and founder of the ministry, Mother of Wilde. Moria is based out of Wilmington, North Carolina and has been married to her husband, Brian, for eight years. Together, they have four children—two are in heaven. Moria is passionate about pouring hope and healing into the loss community through her ministry.

We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.