Mary’s Story
But Zion had said, ‘The Lord has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me’
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.”
Isaiah 49:14-15
the Lord has forgotten me’
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.”
Isaiah 49:14-15
“God, you are the God of miracles. Lord, please let this be a mistake.”
When I realized the lines on my home pregnancy tests were getting progressively lighter, my heart broke. It was July 2019, my first pregnancy, and the burst of euphoria at learning I would be a mother swallowed me whole until the day I miscarried.
It was the first of many losses: A miscarriage at six weeks, another at eight, and another only four weeks along. Then finally, the birth and NICU stay of my precious son, Noah, before he passed of heart defects only six short weeks later.
Three miscarriages, preterm labor, and the death of my firstborn. To say that I struggled with God’s will through it all would be an understatement, but I can say with confidence that through it all God was near.
When we learned our son Noah was sick, my husband and I dwelled in hope. We prayed and worshipped. We remembered and told others that our God is the God of impossible things. If He didn’t choose to act in the way we hoped, we would still believe He was still good. In our suffering, God gave us a ministry and a testimony. He was near to us throughout that time. And, despite all outward appearances, He was still near and in control through Noah’s death and my deepest griefs.
“But Zion had said, “The Lord has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me”
Isaiah 49:14
In the midst of great suffering, God often doesn’t feel near. As we look at empty cradles and grapple with unanswered prayers, it can feel as if we are being ignored or forgotten. Yet Scripture showcases moments of God’s provision and control even when it seems He’s nowhere to be found. One example of this is in the book of Ezra.
It was a low point for Israel. The people had sinned and many had been taken captive by the Babylonian empire. They were separated from their countrymen and pressured to assimilate. Some people had been violently killed. Those who remained in Israel were as desolate and vulnerable as the city walls, seemingly essential tools for protection and peace, were broken down.
I felt like this in the months following Noah’s loss. I had expected Him to be my miracle baby. He was supposed to stay. How could I cling to God in the midst of this heartbreak? And, if I somehow could, how could I dare to believe that God’s plans for me were good?
I imagine the ancient Israelites had similar struggles. Their current state must have seemed like a broken promise, like the end for their people, but even in exile God’s kindness and mercy remained. Years prior, at the beginning of the Babylonian exile, God spoke through the prophet Jeremiah to assure them that, despite their suffering and current reality, God was still there.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans not to harm you but to give you a hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Jeremiah was quick to prepare them for the reality that they would live in a land not their own for 70 years. God’s perfect plan for them required suffering, yet the suffering did not negate his presence. When the walls are broken down in our own lives and unspeakable tragedy visits our homes, we may think God has forgotten us, but—as He was with the Israelites—He is still with us, making plans for our future to restore and redeem us.
In this dark moment of tragedy, your life may seem beyond redemption, forever tainted with grief. You and I walk a difficult road, Mama, but we do not walk it alone. God is working to restore and rebuild. If we give our lives to Him, this life is not the end. As He has already restored our children’s lives in heaven, He is weaving a story of restoration for you, too. We can dwell in hope and the knowledge that He is making all things new.
- Mary
Hope Mom to Noah and three precious babies, who passed while in my womb.
Mary Prince is a wife to Bryan and a mom to four children in Heaven and one on Earth. Mary is passionate about coffee, great books, people, and delving deeply into God’s word. She’s grateful for our God who has walked with her through her deepest hurts and who actively restores.
We would be honored to share your story as a Hope Mom on our blog. On Saturdays we feature Hope Moms’ stories in order to showcase God’s faithfulness even in the midst of such deep sorrow. If you would like to have your story shared on our blog for this purpose, learn more and submit here.
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