Laurice’s Story
“Let’s move to a second ultrasound room.” With those words, my entire world changed. As I moved to the second room to confirm what my husband and I already knew, the tears began to stream down my face. The doctor confirmed that my first daughter, Addison Lowry, died at 39 weeks, 5 days, just two days before we were set to induce.
My response seemed to shock everyone. “I prayed that God’s will be done in my baby’s life, and this is His story for our life,” I said. It’s been half a year since I lost my daughter. Half a year since I come home to a completed nursery within no one in it. Half a year that the deafening quiet house makes me want to blast the food processor just to have noise. Half a year that the stranger down the street doesn’t know that I lost my entire world. And half a year that my husband and I decided to praise God through the yuck.
As my husband and I moved through the next few hours of telling our family, interacting with medical staff at the hospital, and those ‘it’s baby’s due date’ texts, our heart shattered into even smaller pieces. As we lay in bed the night before our daughter was born, we pledged to overcome this together, and chose to praise God every step of the way. With each disappointment, we clung to each other and our faith.
After Addison’s birth, my husband rocked and sang “I’ll raise a Hallelujah” by Bethel to our little girl. With just us two in the delivery room, I’ve never felt more surrounded by God. I get goose bumps just thinking about that day, because God never left our side. It was one of the top and worst moments of my entire life. And yet, it was in that moment, in our heartbreak, that I knew God’s plan for my life was unfolding perfectly according to His plan.
So, why does God have us go through miscarriages? Stillbirths? Infant death? Heartbreak? If we are honest, we know that death is the result of sin and an imperfect world. We know that God wants us to glorify Him in and through the loss of our child. But why has God picked me to walk through life without my first born? Because He knows the ending of our story. As it says in Genesis 50:20, “You meant evil against me, but God used it for good.”
After our daughter’s passing, my husband and I were stunned by the support of those who said, “I’ve lost a child, and you will overcome this too.” One person told me that in order to walk through the valley of death, you must move through it. How does she know this? Because she had lost a child. Someone else wrote my husband a note of encouragement through that time. Why? Because he had lost a child. Why was Hope Mommies created? Because Erin lost her daughter.
I’m a firm believer that God puts tough situations in our lives so that we might be able to help others. If God entrusts me to be there for someone in the future who has lost a child, I know better what to say and what not to say in those situations. I know what physical things may support someone as they go through their own loss. I know that just like those other couples were there for my husband and I, we get to choose to be their couple as they hike through their child’s death. It is more a hike than a walk, because it is full of ups and downs.
It’s not easy that we lost Addison. Do I wish that Addison was still living? All the time. However, I know that God wanted this story for my life, and God wants me to bring Him glory in this situation.
I think Mary Beth Chapman sums this up well in her book “Choosing to See” about losing her daughter Maria. “Again, I don’t like it one bit. I would be just fine with a perfectly unbroken vase, especially one that wasn’t broken of the loss of a child. But I’m trusting that God saw fit to entrust us to steward this catastrophic loss well. May He be honored with all us Chapmans as we do our best to let the world SEE that He alone is the Author of our salvation, the Mender of our hearts, the Healer of our souls.”
- Laurice
Hope Mom to Addison Lowry
Laurice lives just north of Houston, Texas with her high school sweetheart, Jarrett. Laurice is Hope Mom to Addison Lowry, born February 5, 2020. Laurice and Jarrett chose to celebrate sunset to sunset with God by their side, as the most beautiful sunsets comes after the storm.
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