Kristen’s Story

Shortly after our oldest son, Kason, turned a year old, my husband and I began planning to expand our little family. After struggling with unexplained infertility with Kason, we did not know if it would take months or years to become pregnant again. But in May of 2014, I became pregnant with our daughter.

My pregnancy was perfect! It wasn’t until a week before our due date that any worry invaded my mind. It was a Friday when I noticed that I was not feeling her move as I normally did. I kept trying to convince myself that all was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. I thought maybe she was just running out of room and didn’t have much space to give me her typical elbows and jabs. I decided that I did not want to spend the weekend worrying, so I drove myself to the doctor and waited for them to return from lunch to check and make sure that everything was ok.

The nurse came in and immediately picked up her heartbeat on the Doppler. My doctor then came in and did an ultrasound to double check. We could see her beautiful heartbeat, but still could not get her to move, so my doctor decided to do a non-stress test. She passed all of the tests, so I went home to enjoy what I anticipated as our last weekend as a family of three.

The weekend came and went, along with my due date. Finally, on February 3, I woke up with contractions. I called my doctor’s office to let them know it was time, and we got Kason packed up to stay with our best friends. The texts and phone calls began going out to friends and family, letting them know that our sweet daughter would be making her debut shortly. We drove to my doctor’s office full of excitement and anticipation, not knowing that our seemingly normal lives would never be the same.

Our doctor’s office is attached to the hospital, and they had us come into the office before heading over to Labor and Delivery. They called us back into a room and the nurse placed the Doppler on my stomach and I immediately knew in my heart something was terribly wrong. The nurse called the doctor in who immediately turned on the ultrasound machine and began to search for our daughter’s heartbeat. When she couldn’t find it, she brought in another doctor to confirm our worst nightmare.

I remember him shaking his head without uttering a word. I find it hard to adequately describe the feelings and emotions of those moments in that office. It was an out of body experience for me—as if I was watching a movie of someone else’s life. Except this time, I was playing the leading role.

We headed over to Labor and Delivery to welcome our precious daughter into the world; all the while she had already been welcomed into her forever home by our wonderful Savior. The stillness and silence of the delivery room was deafening. When I think back and reflect on that day, I can say without a doubt that God gave me a strength that was not my own. He carried me through the heartache of delivering my still baby girl, and He continues to carry me to this day.

At 5:29pm, our sweet Kollyns Grace was born. She was 7 pounds and 2 ounces of perfection, with her brother’s nose and the most beautiful lips. We held her, kissed her, dressed her, and loved on her every moment we were together. While we knew that she was already celebrating in the arms of Jesus, we kept her with us overnight and held on to every second we had with our baby girl.

I find comfort in knowing that Kollyns is in the arms of Jesus. Her life and death were no surprise to God. He knew that she would never take a breath outside of my womb, yet her little life still has purpose in this world.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

This road is not one that I would have chosen for myself, yet I rest in knowing that His plan is perfect. I know that our God is good and I choose to trust in Him. My prayer has been that God will not waste my pain and that Kollyns’ life will bring Him glory. While our earthly family will never be complete, I look forward to the day when we get to spend forever with our precious Kollyns Grace, in the presence of our King.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Kristen lives in Prosper, TX with her husband Marc. She is a momma to three precious children, Kason, Kamden, and Kollyns Grace, who us with the Lord in heaven. She loves spending time with her family, a good workout, watching football, online shopping, and wearing active wear even when not working out.

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