Hope Group Testimony: Renee’s Experience

“At least you can have more kids.”

“She’s in a better place.”

“You seem like you’re doing better.”

All comments came from well-intentioned friends or family members trying to encourage me, and yet, I still find myself sensitive to these phrases almost three years after the loss of my first daughter. I’ve been hurt by some of the things people have said to me in my pain, but probably more hurt by those who have said nothing at all. Losing your baby is a silent sorrow. It’s a topic that most people are not comfortable talking about, and only those who have experienced it can understand the depth of loss. This is a club that I never wanted to be a part of.

When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first child, we were overjoyed. We eagerly anticipated the arrival of our daughter—preparing the nursery, washing and folding baby clothes, buying all the gadgets, and so on. Our world was turned upside down on August 14, 2016. What started as a fun day painting the nursery pink, turned into our worst nightmare. I hadn’t felt much movement from her, and my mom encouraged me to go get it checked out. We naively went to labor and delivery at the hospital, thinking that everything was okay. After all, I was over 32 weeks pregnant and nothing happens that far in pregnancy, right? Next thing we knew, we were being told that there was no heartbeat and I was induced for labor. It felt like an out of body experience, and we were in complete shock. After two days of labor, I delivered my beautiful Sydney Elizabeth, who was already in the arms of Jesus. We lost our perfectly healthy 3lb 13oz daughter to a knot in her umbilical cord.

We experienced God’s presence and comfort like never before in that delivery room and in the days to follow. Because of my faith in Jesus, I have intense hope, and I know that I will see my sweet Sydney one day because of what He did on the cross. The truth is, I am still sensitive to the comments of others and have to ask the Lord for a lot of grace and forgiveness. I have learned how important it is to find a community of women who can relate to the heartache I have felt.

Hope Mommies has played a vital role in my healing journey. My husband and I received a Hope Box after our loss, which is how I learned about the group and what eventually led me to attend a weekend retreat and join an online Hope Group.

I participated in my first online Hope Group a year after my loss, while I was pregnant with my second daughter. We had just passed the one year anniversary of losing Sydney, so my emotions were high and I was battling fear and anxiety with my second pregnancy.

I thought an online group would be impersonal, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s amazing how connected you can feel with technology, even living in different areas of the country. This group of women provided a safe place for me to be real, where I could share my struggles and hurts, talk about Sydney without awkwardness, and be pointed back to the truth in Scripture. We had an instant bond, because we understood each other’s pain. I have stayed in touch with some of the women in my group and recently met one of them in person. We still text each other and remember important dates like heavenly birthdays and Mother’s Day.

Although I never would have chosen this, I see how God is using Sydney’s life for His glory and bringing healing through new friendships. I will always grieve the loss of my daughter, but I’ve found joy again. The Lord began stirring in my heart to do something and I was excited to have the opportunity to lead a Hope Group this past Spring. It’s my heart’s desire to walk alongside other mommas who are fresh in their grief, to love on them and encourage them, and point them back to the hope we have in Christ.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4